Women and men on the spectrum. So similar yet so different

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So I gave up dating about 7 years ago. But...in the past couple of years coming to terms with the fact that I am definitely on the spectrum, I have talked to a couple of ASD men online. It is so interesting how similar yet so very different we are.

I totally get when they are silent or dont respond to messages. I understand if they are having a melt down or need time to recharge so to speak. But I am a very visual thinker and a more stereotypical female aspie that is more artsy and emotional. I do much prefer the company of men on the spectrum compared to NT men. But it is still hard to break through their thinking process that is so foreign to me. I mean I take things literally yes, but I am also a deep thinker that gets lost in the art of anything and everything.

My experience so far has been very stressful because we are having to constantly explain where we are coming from and what we meant with whatever comment or conversation.

Are there any couples on here that are both ASD? How did you make it work? I enjoy so many aspects of my interactions with these men but the communication piece is so strained. (which is the one piece I wasnt expecting to have an issue with bc we are both ASD). My thoughts are never a straight line so sorry if this doesnt make sense.

Yes, men and women are always very different. That's kinda why I love men so much

But anyway I find communication difficult in any relationship.

I've dated quite a few ASD men. And I really believe that some of them simply didn't find me worth the effort.

The huge difference with my bf is that he actually listens to me, and believes what I say, and tries to work with me, and communicates back to me.

So when I tell him something, as scary as it is, I feel safe knowing that he won't get upset or threaten me or try to reinterpret what I say.

Just because two people are ASD doesn't mean that you will automatically know what each other is thinking.

If you really want a relationship, then learning how to express your thoughts/feelings/concerns and put yourself in the other persons' position to try and understand them better will both aid you.

You can't force the other person to do this though. If they don't communicate with you, they may not be interested enough to bother, or they may lack the necessary skills.

If you really like the guy, it is worth asking. Maybe you two could work out your own way of communicating with one another.

Best of luck

In the general population, the neurological differences between men and women are far greater (and far more detectable) than NTs vs Aspies of the same sex; so of course Aspie men and Aspie women would be different too.

To put it simply, Apsie men’s brains are generally more similar to NT men’s brains than Aspie women’s brains; and vice versa.

I imagine that there are men on the spectrum that are also more artsy and emotional; we austists come in all forms afterall. Maybe you just haven't found them yet?

I'm not sure how much help I can be, I guess I'm one of those females that falls into the more stereotypical male pattern of ASD? But my thinking is that the most important thing is to find someone who you relate to, share common interests with, who wants the same big picture things out of life, and then you two work as a team to ensure the relationship thrives. Perhaps that's obvious stuff?

Feyokien and I met here from just casually chatting on the forums, and discovering many common views and interests. But what made it work was us both being committed to working together. So even if you differ on things, you can both strive to see the other's viewpoint.

Agh I don't know if that's ^ helpful stuff or just stuff most people say. I'm better with specific questions (I think). Feel free to ask more stuff .

I think it's more of aspie "types." I've talked to one aspie girl that virtually had the same mind I did. We could always follow each other's train of thought as if we were the same person. We went our separate ways, but I have yet to meet another aspie like that. I believe there are specific (broad) types among people on the spectrum, and we can instantly acknowledge an aspie that has the same type.

The mathematician is the prodigy of math and music. They are excellent at patterns and the such. To truly understand a concept, you have to know how everything fits into place and how they make sense in relation to each other. Their world is one of patterns. Most I have met are not very emotional, but are very interesting to talk to.

The architect sees the world in pictures. They put the image in their head and understand its properties. As long as it can be visualized, it can be built. Working with their hands and whatnot. I would imagine they are skilled in art, but I have yet to meet an aspie good at drawing. Probably good at math. The ones I have met tend to be optimists.

The poet is the most emotional of all. They feel strongly about many things, and often it is the catalyst for long rants. Pretentious, but often very kind and genuine at heart. The artsy fartsy types that are talented in liberal arts, the humanities, and categorizing/generalizing things. Writing, film, philosophy, that kinda stuff. Pretty average at math. They are the hardest to talk to, but if you are happy debating them, then you'll get along just fine.

I forgot what this post was about.