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Tetreg
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19 Sep 2019, 2:10 pm

If I'm sitting somewhere e.g. a bus stop and some random girl smiles at me I was wondering what this smile actually means, is it merely friendly/ an invitation to talk etc.? Unfortunately I'm pretty abysmal at returning said smiles but it would be useful to know what they mean



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19 Sep 2019, 2:34 pm

It could mean:

She is letting you know that she is not a threat to you.

She is contemplating a meal of your liver, an nice chianti, and a side of fava beans.

She just found out she's pregnant.

She just found out she's not pregnant.

She just farted.


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19 Sep 2019, 3:00 pm

I am a smiler, I smile at men and women equally because I am a contented person in the main. Men often interpret a woman's smile as her wanting sex with him. This is what NT men tell me. But really it's just being friendly and perhaps it is a primitive way of establishing that we are not a threat so there is no need to for our Amygdala to react in a fight or flight response. People also like to bond and not have a strained silence while waiting together. If you smile you are saying" cool it I'm no threat." Unless it's a scene from "Clockwork Orange." :D Perhaps you could just nod in acknowledgement if you find smiling difficult?


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Last edited by Teach51 on 19 Sep 2019, 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Fnord
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19 Sep 2019, 3:09 pm

"Women usually smile as a primitive means of establishing that they are not a threat to the people around them, but modern men usually misinterpret women's smiles as an expression of their desire to have sex with the men."

This may be the most correct answer.


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rdos
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21 Sep 2019, 2:08 pm

Smiling is a sign that they are NTs or wannabee NTs, so stay away from them. :mrgreen:

And, no, barring teeth is not friendly. It's a threat signal. :wink:



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21 Sep 2019, 2:30 pm

I smiled at a man today in a shop because he was staring at me. I don't quite know why I chose to smile as a response, but if I had to put it into words, it would be to diffuse the situation. I wanted to acknowledge that I had seen him staring (ideally so he would stop), but I didn't want to upset or annoy him in case he was staring for a bad reason, so I smiled.

I smiled at a man at work yesterday because he smiled at me first, and it seemed the polite thing to do. Then he said 'hi' and I said 'hey' back as I was passing. I didn't know him. I don't know why he smiled and said hi, maybe he was just in a good mood or maybe I looked friendly. Maybe I had seen him before and I didn't remember. Maybe he was flirting. Who can tell.

As a female, I do worry that smiling at a male might give the wrong impression that I am attracted to them. But as an autistic person, I can't begin to know or accurately imagine what they're thinking anyway. So, sometimes I just smile.

Ultimately: There is no one answer for what it means when a girl smiles at you.



Tetreg
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22 Sep 2019, 2:49 am

Hmm, I do wonder why a girl would want to let me know she is not a threat, I certainly can't say I feel threatened by random girls I pass on the street and such!



rdos
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22 Sep 2019, 8:02 am

Tetreg wrote:
Hmm, I do wonder why a girl would want to let me know she is not a threat, I certainly can't say I feel threatened by random girls I pass on the street and such!


Indeed. I never feel threatened by girls, only by guys, and particularly if they are noisy. Thus, it makes no sense for a girl to show she is not threating, so I think it is mostly flirting when girls smile at random guys.



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22 Sep 2019, 9:14 am

rdos wrote:
so I think it is mostly flirting when girls smile at random guys.

Maybe that's true in your country.

But, here in the U.S.A. at least, I'd say there's only a small chance that it's flirting. Here in the U.S.A., they might just be bowing to social pressures to smile almost every minute of every day except when at a funeral.

Also, here in the U.S.A. at least, there are an awful lot of men who feel entitled to command women (even, and perhaps especially, total strangers) to smile if they aren't already smiling. Very annoying. Men like that have been around for my entire life.


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Fnord
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22 Sep 2019, 10:04 am

Tetreg wrote:
I do wonder why a girl would want to let me know she is not a threat, I certainly can't say I feel threatened by random girls I pass on the street and such!
rdos wrote:
I never feel threatened by girls, only by guys, and particularly if they are noisy. Thus, it makes no sense for a girl to show she is not threating, so I think it is mostly flirting when girls smile at random guys.
You are both men. That alone is enough for some women to assume you mean them harm. If you are also taller and heavier than they, then they may perceive you as a threat, even from a distance.
Mona Pareth wrote:
Also, here in the U.S.A. at least, there are an awful lot of men who feel entitled to command women (even, and perhaps especially, total strangers) to smile if they aren't already smiling. Very annoying. Men like that have been around for my entire life.
Sad, but true.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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22 Sep 2019, 10:56 am

Tetreg wrote:
If I'm sitting somewhere e.g. a bus stop and some random girl smiles at me I was wondering what this smile actually means, is it merely friendly/ an invitation to talk etc.? Unfortunately I'm pretty abysmal at returning said smiles but it would be useful to know what they mean






Tetreg
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22 Sep 2019, 11:43 am

I'm not certain there's the same pressure in the uk, I certainly don't know anyone who would call a girl out for not smiling at them, I imagine that doing such could only be regarded as incredibly rude by the vast majority of people

I'm of moderate height and very skinny so I can't imagine I have a very threatening appearance for the most part, so I guess said girls are just of a cheerful/ smiley disposition judging by the above responses



rdos
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22 Sep 2019, 1:40 pm

Fnord wrote:
Tetreg wrote:
I do wonder why a girl would want to let me know she is not a threat, I certainly can't say I feel threatened by random girls I pass on the street and such!
rdos wrote:
I never feel threatened by girls, only by guys, and particularly if they are noisy. Thus, it makes no sense for a girl to show she is not threating, so I think it is mostly flirting when girls smile at random guys.
You are both men. That alone is enough for some women to assume you mean them harm. If you are also taller and heavier than they, then they may perceive you as a threat, even from a distance.


But the issue was not if girls perceive us as a threat, but if we perceive them as a threat. I don't see how it would make much sense for a girl to smile at a guy she think is intimidating, especially given that many guys seem to take that as an invitation for making contact.

Besides, I've always handled guys that I perceive as threating by avoiding eye contact, and certainly avoiding smiling. That has served me quite well. I think the same strategy would be optimal for a girl too.



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22 Sep 2019, 1:43 pm

Tetreg wrote:
I'm not certain there's the same pressure in the uk, I certainly don't know anyone who would call a girl out for not smiling at them, I imagine that doing such could only be regarded as incredibly rude by the vast majority of people


I think the same goes for Scandinavia too. Never heard a girl here claim that she must smile to keep safe. Sounds incredibly strange to me.



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25 Sep 2019, 8:01 am

I'm not a female, but I'm a very feminine man who has always been skinny and physically weak. I've always felt somewhat vulnerable around other males cause I know if they decide to attack me, I am completely helpless as I haven't the strength to fight them off. I imagine that many women might feel something similar around men, except most women have the added serious fear of sexual assault, which is less likely for me.

I'm a man, but I will also act friendly to other men, even smile, or just say "how ya going mate?" (I'm from Australia). When they are friendly back I know they are probably safe. If they don't respond friendly, I get scared and I look for an escape strategy.

So, I smile, not to show a man I'm not a threat but as a way to quickly get a judgement on whether they are a threat. This strategy works very well for me. I completely understand why a woman may smile when she feel threatened. It's a way to quickly assess ill intent. A man intent on harm is unlikely to smile back (Unless he is Ted Bundy).

I also smile at women often, because I think they might feel threatened by me, just by the fact I'm a male. I don't want then to feel frightened. I smile cause i want them to feel safe and to reassure them I won't harm them.



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26 Sep 2019, 11:02 am

Fnord wrote:
It could mean:

She is letting you know that she is not a threat to you.

She is contemplating a meal of your liver, an nice chianti, and a side of fava beans.

She just found out she's pregnant.

She just found out she's not pregnant.

She just farted.


Could also mean she is letting you know she just disposed of her ex's remains after she caught him cheating and now she is on the rebound.