Magnet for Dysfunctionals

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I noticed a lot of people on this site view themselves as "loser magnets". One poster believed that we bring out the predator in people. If you're available and eager to find love, you will draw others whether they are dysfunctional or not. It just happens. It's NOT your fault. You have to put your filter up and start being able to know when to reject and when to encourage. Don't fall hard and fast because you're used to being lonely. Make peace with being alone. Alone is different from being lonely. Keep busy. Do charity. You can be with people without any kind of expectation. As most of us know, communication is difficult for us but "communication" is what we need to find a proper partner. We're led to believe that we must find "someone". Communication is crucial to learn about that "someone" we find. Start watching you tubes by Dr. Ramani Durvasula about narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths. When you start recognizing these traits, you have to start ghosting these types of people. We who are on the spectrum sometimes miss the clues and we get abused. Learn to read the clues. Pay attention to everything Dr. Ramani says. If you come across someone that you like more than her, that's good too. Everybody has to learn that there are BIG differences in people. Be very careful who you let into your life. A lot of available people out there are bad, that's why no one has claimed them. That doesn't mean you're bad!! If you cling to a bad person, that means that a good person thinks you are taken. See. You end up missing an opportunity and never knew it. If you remain with bad person, you will repel good people because they will think you are bad too or just a mental case. Keep your reputation high and impeccable. We are judged by the company we keep. I like you guys so much. Treat yourselves right.

Excellent advice: I think it's important to emphasize for those of us who were (or are) clinging to bad relationships that not only does time make it harder to break up but you could be missing out on better opportunities. I am positive I had more than one friend (and their corresponding social circle) completely distance themselves based on the cringe worthy behavior of my ex and lost out on many potential opportunities. Heck, I almost blew it with my wife because of my crazy ex's baggage.

Another thing that few point out is that a lot of being a "magnet" is based on having a (in my case relatively mild) dysfunctional family. For example, the parallels between Ex#1 & Mom and Ex#2 & Dad were downright frightening when viewed with a clear head.

Yes, dysfunctional family over here.

Ever found yourself looking at a love interesting and thinking, "oh no, you're just like my parents".

Horrible realisation and a very fast track to getting over someone.

I left home young to get away but unfortunately went from the frying pan into the fire.

I left home at 21.

I've been lucky enough not to have become too entangled with more abusive types. I'm not easy to manipulate and they give up. I'm too strong willed.

It hurts when I realise what they are really like because they're always nice at first. They leave me thinking I've done something wrong to make them drop me, but then I realise how they really are and I'm relieved that things didn't progress.

I wish someone genuinely nice and caring would take an interest in me.

I think being what others consider losers &/or dysfunctional(lots of us on the spectrum tend to have various issues that others have major problems with) can make some people very eater to find love which in extreme cases can be desperation. Being desperate tends to repel others including so-called losers. I'm what society considers a dysfunctional loser & when I was single I was very desperate & am attracted to & actually sought out some types of people that others would consider losers or dysfunctional, like people who are dependent, have co-dependency, bad anxiety, bad ocd, & /or bad depression & those types of people didn't even wanna be with me. It was a long exhaustive search before I found somebody who would. I fell hard & fast for people I got in a relationship with & they also fell hard & fast for me. I don't know if they fell hard & fast for others in general or if there's something about me that made me an exception to them. Falling hard & fast for someone isn't necessarily a bad thing if the other person is good for you & also falls fast & hard for you.

You're smart and admirable. If you were my daughter, I would be gushing with pride. Good!! Never change and never second guess yourself. There are some good really good Youtubes by Dr. Ramani Durvasula and she has also written a book called, "Do you know who I am? I got this book for my son who is 21 years old and desperately needs her advice about today's narcissists. If everybody on this website would read this and/or tune in to her Youtubes, they could benefit in a lot of ways.

Now, I'm not trying to bust your stones but how do you know if someone is good for you if you fall fast and hard for them? There's a period of getting to know a person. People who fall fast and hard are total bait for predatory personalities. Falling fast and hard is falling for what "you" believe this person represents and what you want to believe this person is. A person "is" as a person "does". I have a son who is 21 years old who was absolutely devastated after a break up of a 3 month affair. I asked him to write on a piece of paper what he loved about her and what I read was nothing about her but only about what he did for her and how she gladly accepted those things. She took but never gave. We are both on the spectrum. He was sad for a long time until he came across a Youtube on narcissism by Dr. Ramani Durvasula. He said now he knows what his ex-girlfriend was. He agreed to never be fooled again.

I think that's a bit harsh RightGalaxy.

Falling fast doesn't always end in failure. Nick and his girlfriend have been together for a few years now and have gotten to know each other well and appear to have built a strong relationship from what he posts here. Of course he knows by now that it's a good relationship. They've had time.

Jumping into something too soon is inadvisable, but if you luck out and that person isn't abusive, then win win!

But it would be great if teens could be taught what to look out for so that they can avoid narcisits.

I personally prefer grilled meat.

That is true for the most part hurtloam. I wouldn't say me & Cass have a great relationship cuz we do have lots of problems sometimes but they're made worse by stress & other life issues. We both have to put in a lot of work but we're both committed to trying to work things out & we both hate being made at the other.
As for falling fast & hard. We both did but we got to know each other very fast. I doubt neither of us would of fallen that fast & hard if we gotten to know each other more gradually.

I completely agree that teens need to know about this stuff. I'm not sure how to teach em thou. It seems more & more kids are coming from broken &/or screwed up families. Coming from those types of environments tends to make people more likely to do the same. It's a cycle.