Ok. Im 27 and when i was at school i had a boyfriend but when things started to get physical i panicked. I started to consider i might be a lesbian and so i dated girls for a while but everything was just so.. awkward? I didnt really want to go out with girls. So as soon as school ended i stopped seeing anyone. it was just supposed to be for a while but now i actually really like it this way. i dont understand flirting, i dont want to share germs with people, the thought of going out on numerous dates to find someone who will most likely be an as*hole to you or it wont end well, (because lets face it dating is a numbers game until you find the right one for you), makes me want to die inside. I dont do feminine clothing. i dont understand make up and small talk bores the hell out of me. I dont want to have to go on the pill or deal with someone elses snoring or share my space with anyone.
So heres the thing, im sure im straight and at school i just over reacted because certain types of touching felt far more intimate for me than it is for neuro typical people. Ive settled in with the fact that i will never have kids and probably never meet anyone. I have a healthy sex drive. its just not really enough of an incentive to act on it because of all the other reasons.
but damn i get lonely sometimes and when im down i really wish i could meet someone even though if i did id probably intentionally push them away for all of the reasons above. I feel like im somehow strange and it makes me feel so disconnected. Wanting to reproduce is basically the biological point of life and i just dont care for it.
Does anybody else get this? sometimes i think i am making my life so much more difficult than it needs to be. Also, if anyone else resonates with this can you please let me know what you tell people? Im sick of being asked at work if im dating someone. Im pretty sure everyone thinks im a closet case which is offensive, not because im offended someone might think im gay. im offended they think i would be ashamed of that, offended that they think i wouldnt just be honest and say so if it were true and offended that everyone feels the need to categorize. in this case, wrongly. I dont really know how to tell people im a 27 year old virgin who is scared to be touched and finds the idea that humans MUST be with someone else superfluous but when someone asks me if ive found a wife yet i feel torn. Should i correct them or is it just easier to let them believe im gay? Its not like i need people to know im straight if i dont date anyway but im sick of not being understood.
Does anyone else have a similar problem and if so how do you get around it?