How to Meet People? SHOULD I Be Looking For People?

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Studebacher_Hoch
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09 Nov 2019, 4:26 am

I'm a 20 year old aspie guy. Aside from me being clueless on how to meet or talk to women (or men) in even a non romantic setting/relationship, I'm not sure if I even should be looking for someone. I'd love to be there for someone and for someone to be there for me, and just to live life with. I think it would be beneficial emotionally but I am not sure.

Here's my issue though. I don't have a job (though I've been applying as of tonight), I can't drive, and I live with my parents currently. These are all things I am working hard on changing and getting past. I'm taking online classes, I can take care of myself (like hygiene and making food). I have a few friends but we don't have many common interests or lifestyles. But part of me thinks until I get the driving + job + own home thing sorted out, I can't even begin to look for someone to spend my time with.

Say I was able to start looking, though. I am clueless where to find people. I live in Illinois and I've checked sites like MeetUp for my city and there are little to no events- the few events are usually for stuff like golfing or religion, which I'm not particularly interested in. I'm into video games and performing music, but I can't find anything for that either.

So should I even be looking for someone to spend time with considering my circumstances? Or perhaps I should be seeking someone out but rather just wait for a connection to form naturally... Basically, I'm clueless, lol.



o0Kalei0o
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11 Nov 2019, 4:24 am

I don’t have much advice for you since I’m in a very similar situation and would like to see what others say about it. The only suggestion I can think of is maybe try and connect with people in online spaces ( games, virtual worlds, forums, etc.) since meeting people on the internet doesn’t require you to drive. Find something with a community aspect that sparks your interest. It could even be here since you already have a commonality with people here being on the spectrum.



kraftiekortie
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11 Nov 2019, 7:32 am

Why not try college?

Women would think that you are, at least, on your way to a car/job.



Studebacher_Hoch
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11 Nov 2019, 3:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Why not try college?

Women would think that you are, at least, on your way to a car/job.


I tried university as soon as I graduated high school and it didn't go so well for me to say the least. It got to the point where I had to withdraw due to suicidal plans, and it has been very tough to do anything related to school since then. However, as of this semester I am doing online college courses to get gen ed out of the way. Thanks for the suggestion though-- hopefully I will return to a university in the future.



kraftiekortie
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11 Nov 2019, 4:05 pm

I bet you like antique cars.

My great uncle had a Stutz Bearcat in the 1920s.



FletcherArrow
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12 Nov 2019, 7:22 pm

Studebacher_Hoch wrote:
I'm a 20 year old aspie guy. Aside from me being clueless on how to meet or talk to women (or men) in even a non romantic setting/relationship, I'm not sure if I even should be looking for someone. I'd love to be there for someone and for someone to be there for me, and just to live life with. I think it would be beneficial emotionally but I am not sure.

Here's my issue though. I don't have a job (though I've been applying as of tonight), I can't drive, and I live with my parents currently. These are all things I am working hard on changing and getting past. I'm taking online classes, I can take care of myself (like hygiene and making food). I have a few friends but we don't have many common interests or lifestyles. But part of me thinks until I get the driving + job + own home thing sorted out, I can't even begin to look for someone to spend my time with.

Say I was able to start looking, though. I am clueless where to find people. I live in Illinois and I've checked sites like MeetUp for my city and there are little to no events- the few events are usually for stuff like golfing or religion, which I'm not particularly interested in. I'm into video games and performing music, but I can't find anything for that either.

So should I even be looking for someone to spend time with considering my circumstances? Or perhaps I should be seeking someone out but rather just wait for a connection to form naturally... Basically, I'm clueless, lol.


My young Padwan, make a list of skills and accomplishments that you need to do in order to get what you want and deserve.

Maybe you could start by learning to drive, getting a job and finding ways to practice those social skills so you can create the connection you deserve.



nick007
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02 Dec 2019, 8:11 am

It is possible for a guy to get a girlfriend if he doesn't drive, doesn't have a job, & doesn't have his own home. However it tends to be very difficult if the guy doesn't have something major going for him otherwise. I've had 3 girlfriends & I didn't have any of those 3 things when I got my girlfriends. Getting a girlfriend was a major struggle for me thou. It's good that your able to work on those things. I didn't really know how to work on them except for having a job but I struggled majorly to find one. I met my 3 girlfriends online but not on dating sites thou I've tried LOTS & LOTS of em. I met my girlfriends on forums, the ladder two were this one. My advice is to try & focus on improving your life in various ways if you have an idea on where to start & how to do it but you also don't rule out meeting people either. If there's not much in your area & you don't go out much, there may not be many ways you can meet someone offline until you get a job so you could try meeting people online but try not to lose your focus on improving your life.


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