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Marknis
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21 Nov 2019, 10:44 am

I actually had a short-lived relationship back in 2010. It was with a girl who was in the same support group and she actually showed interest in me first. We actually spent Valentine’s Day together which was a first for me as well. Sadly, the relationship fizzled out but it was neither our faults. She’s currently living in Canada because she wanted to live with her mother who wanted to move back there after breaking up with her American husband. Last I heard of her, she’s married to a Canadian man and enjoying life up there.

I haven’t been able to establish another relationship since that only one and my best efforts have only ended in failure. I fear that it was my first and only time for love.



kraftiekortie
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21 Nov 2019, 10:52 am

You're only 31 years old. You have a long way to go before you can say you're a "failure."



Marknis
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21 Nov 2019, 12:52 pm

All my siblings are married and have children. Why them and not me? If my nieces and nephews have children before me, it will truly mean I am a loser. There is someone on another forum who is turning 60 and he’s had a 100% rejection rate while not only are his sisters married and have families but even their children have started their own families.



kraftiekortie
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21 Nov 2019, 12:53 pm

You're 29 years away from turning 60.



Marknis
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21 Nov 2019, 2:36 pm

I suppose I can be patient until I am 35. After that, though, I think I will snap.



sly279
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21 Nov 2019, 3:06 pm

More then I’ve had.
And now women my age have teenage kids :(


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Sweetleaf
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21 Nov 2019, 3:59 pm

sly279 wrote:
More then I’ve had.
And now women my age have teenage kids :(


You're 31, unless they all had kids when they were adolescents it doesn't seem likely. According to the math if a person who is 31 now had a child when they were 20 that child would be 11 or 12. So for them to already have a teen they would have had to have a child while they were a young teen or adolescent.


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SharonB
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21 Nov 2019, 4:48 pm

Better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?

My medical hardship began in 2003 and ended in 2016 (I hope). It wasn't all dark, but it was pretty dark those 12½ years. If you'd asked me in the hard times, Life was bleak with little hope. Thankfully, things change. My medical hardships included loss of life, so I too could think on that question - by instinct is better to have loved, but of course I would have preferred to have had 12½ years of bliss and wonder instead of despair, but there you have it.

My lifetime hardship began when my mom first yelled at me (I'm hoping after birth, but it could have been beforehand). After near five decades I'm just getting over that, so somethings take time.

Hang in there.



sly279
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21 Nov 2019, 6:26 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
sly279 wrote:
More then I’ve had.
And now women my age have teenage kids :(


You're 31, unless they all had kids when they were adolescents it doesn't seem likely. According to the math if a person who is 31 now had a child when they were 20 that child would be 11 or 12. So for them to already have a teen they would have had to have a child while they were a young teen or adolescent.


Teens is anything over 10 11-19 are teenagers.

If they had kids at 20 they’d be 11 year olds
If they had them at 18 they’d be 13
If they had them at 16 they’d be 15
So it’s very possible
Especially when women in my age range are up to 40 meaning a lot of have 16/17 old kids

Most seem to have 2-4 kids . And complain about how bad men are.

There’s quite a few 18 olds with 1-2 kids on dating sites so it seems to be getting more common to have kids in high school. My high school had day care and it was quiet busy.

Older I get the more common this is going get and I don’t even want to date women that have kids no way in hell will I date one with teenagers.

I can’t date anyone under 30 anymore :(


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sly279
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21 Nov 2019, 6:27 pm

SharonB wrote:
Better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?


So true. I’ve never been loved and never will be loved. If someone loved him before odds are someone else will.
He has hope where I have none.


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Marknis
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21 Nov 2019, 6:31 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
sly279 wrote:
More then I’ve had.
And now women my age have teenage kids :(


You're 31, unless they all had kids when they were adolescents it doesn't seem likely. According to the math if a person who is 31 now had a child when they were 20 that child would be 11 or 12. So for them to already have a teen they would have had to have a child while they were a young teen or adolescent.


There are some young women in the college course I am in who are technically ‘teen moms’ since they aren’t in their 20’s yet and have young kids from when they were teenagers. I find some of them attractive, especially one young Hispanic girl who has very long and coarse hair as well as wears glasses, but I never get to talk to her since she’s always looking into her cellphone like most adolescents of this generation do and she’s gone once the course is over. I’m also told because I am in my 30’s, I am too “creepy” to talk to women her age. In fact, I’ve been told to talk to only “loser” women or “old grannies”.



sly279
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21 Nov 2019, 6:53 pm

I’ve found there are no loser women
They simple don’t exist


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Marknis
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21 Nov 2019, 7:20 pm

sly279 wrote:
I’ve found there are no loser women
They simple don’t exist


They exist in the Bible Belt. If a woman isn’t “hot” and either too skinny (derided as being “assless” or “titless”) or too fat (called “land whales” or “pigs”), she is rejected by the “bad boys” and even attacked by other women who the “bad boys” win over.

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I don’t judge a woman’s attractiveness on whether or not they have certain sized buttocks or breasts. I don’t have those issues like “bad boys” do.



SharonB
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21 Nov 2019, 8:42 pm

sly279 wrote:
So true. I’ve never been loved and never will be loved. If someone loved him before odds are someone else will. He has hope where I have none.

Sly, sorry to relate everything to my personal experience, but it reminds me of a big question for gyno-atypicals (infertility): was it better to have loved and lost (a pregnancy) or to never have loved (gotten pregnant just to lose it)? Each person could envy the other for different reasons (perceived chances, perceived suffering). What does "success" look like in any case? The answer is of course: it all depends.

What I observed is that lost pregnancies, which may correlate to increased success initially (as you suggest for partners), ultimately delayed resolution (success or failure). In my case I had both: inability to get pregnant (in a timely manner) and lost pregnancies (multiple). Still perseverance and pursuing ALL options (even "childfree") did produce some sort of resolution. Like finding a partner, one can continue the journey well into their 80s (obviously not in direct biological ways), so there are lifelong options. When a surgeon saved my life during a "loved and lost" situation, I grudgingly had to thank her, for allowing that I would have another opportunity (even though my hope was near non-existent by then).

Keep recharging your spoons and taking care of yourself... so the possibilities are there!



Marknis
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21 Nov 2019, 8:46 pm

sly279 wrote:
SharonB wrote:
Better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?


So true. I’ve never been loved and never will be loved. If someone loved him before odds are someone else will.
He has hope where I have none.


What are you saying? I don’t have hope at all.



SharonB
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21 Nov 2019, 9:02 pm

Warning: tragic, vindictive
I was in complete despair and there was this one woman who instead of being compassionate, would come on the support board and say to us others, "you all just need to cheer up and be positive. Stop wallowing. I was positive (and prayed and whatever) and now I am yadda-yadda months pregnant." Well, she had a tragic loss at the very last minute and she disappeared. Of course I hope she found plenty of compassion, but also I think LIFE LESSON, lady.

Warning: tragic
I couldn't read the book "Lean In" b/c the author wrote that you just need to have that can-do attitude and it will all work out. I was not in that place. Then she tragically lost her spouse, and she apologized in her next book "Option B" that she had had no idea how difficult circumstances can be - she gets it now.

Moral of the stories: As you are, do the best you can, get help, hang in there.