Cock blocking?

Post Reply New Topic

I am about to talk about something that happened in 2015. I guess in case you want to know why I am talking about such a distant past, I just read the thread viewtopic.php?t=382638 so I am wondering whether what happened to me is anything similar to what happened to that other person, or whether we are talking about totally different things. I guess I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to hijack his post with talking about me, thats why I decided to make separate post. But I hope you guys read his post before answering mine, because I am really interested in comparing the two.

Anyway, here is the situation. Back in 2015, I was going to the Baptist Student Union at a different university (I am not in that university any more). So I was upset that people weren't talking to me and was throwing tantrums about it from time to time. In any case, there was one girl that "did" talk to me, but I really don't think she was interested. It felt more like she was trying to keep me from throwing a tantrum: like each time I am in a bad mood she would come up and talk to me, but her voice was really formal, as in "okay I am talking to you, happy now?" I mean, no, she wouldn't ask me to calm down or anything; she would instead ask me how I am doing and start a conversation -- yet she felt tense so it was apparent it was a chore to her.

I guess there is *some* possibility I misread her. I mean, on one occasion -- a few years later (probably around 2018 or something like that) -- I saw her on facebook and I apologized for being such a burden on her, and she told me it wasn't a problem and she acted as if she doesn't remember my throwing tantrums and that her friendship with me was genuine. Yet -- again in 2018 (probably a couple of weeks after that conversation) -- I cussed her out over facebook and she blocked me. So I am wondering was she *really* totally fine and dandy with me throughout all those things I did in 2015 and then just randomly blocked me over one cussing in 2018, or perhaps she felt tired of me all along and it was the last straw that broke the cammel's back? I guess I would never know.

What it *felt* like, though is this. I transferred schools in 2016. So perhaps in 2015 when I was physically there she felt forced to have to put up with me, but then in 2018 when I wasn't there any more, then she just decided to block me. Probably something like that.

Anyway, going back to 2015, here is what happened. While usually baptist student union would meet regularly in that building, there were rare occasions when we would drive elsewhere. Since I don't drive, others would give me a ride -- and I would say that probably at least half the time it was her, and the other half the time it was split between different other people. In any case, one of those times she drove me to an event, and then she was going to drive me back after the event was over. Literally a minute before she was going to drive me back, there were two or three guys right next to where I was standing clearly talking about me loud enough for me to hear. No, they didn't say anything negative; probably they said that I am graduate student in mathematics and that I am from Russia -- or something else along those lines (I don't remember exactly, it was several years ago). In any case, whatever they said, it was a bit surprising, since normally people don't talk about someone right in front of them. So then I asked them what they were talking about just to make sure it was about me; I was kinda hoping they would say its about someone else with very similar story since I kinda felt like my space was violated; but nope, it was about me. In any case, after they answered what it was about they actively started to involve me in a conversation, but not for too long. After talking to me for like a minute or two (not much longer than that) they quickly offered me a ride back. That girl objected and said she was already planing to give me a ride. Now, secretly, I wanted the girl to give me a ride: even though I don't think she liked me, I want female attention regardless. But when I secretly want something I try to hide it. So precisely *because* I was hoping that the girl would give me a ride, I *said* I wanted those guys to give me a ride. Then she said two or three times "are you sure"? And gave me that kind of look like she does when I am about to throw a tantrum. So I am guessing she suspected that I wanted her to give me a ride -- and was afraid I would throw a tantrum if the guys were to give me a ride -- after all I only ever throw tantrums when I don't get female attention, and I never threw a tantrum over male attention. Well, I don't know if that is what she thought or not, I guess I am only suspecting thats what it was, given that her look -- the one of a chore -- was really similar to the one she gives when she tries to prevent my tantrum. Anyway, I said I was sure I wanted the guys to give me a ride, and after she double checked, the guys ended up giving me a ride. And no, I didn't throw any tantrum that particular time, although I was upset about it and went to post on bullitin boards asking what was those guys intention

In any case, here is a question: Do you think what those guys did to me is similar to what the guys at that other thread, viewtopic.php?t=382638 , did to that poster? What do you think was their intention?

You shouldn’t have cursed out that girl on Facebook. Why did you curse her out?

The answer to your question: maybe.

People don't like having to try to manage other people's emotions. And it's a display of aggression when you throw a tantrum and cuss someone out. You need to stop doing that and learn to manage your emotions. It's not endearing to anyone and it's not cute.

Secondly, you told those guys you wanted them to give you a ride. That girl asked several times "are you sure" and you said yes.

You're wanting to try to play games. You really should stop doing that. You have to be really really good at reading other human beings to be able to play manipulative games with them, and you're obviously not good at reading others.

I was mad at one of my ex-s who blocked me on facebook and never returned the things I put into her storage when we were dating. No, that ex had nothing to do with that girl: I met her after I moved to a different state so they don't even know each other. Its just that I couldn't yell at her -- since she blocked me -- so I yelled at that girl instead.

Well, they were the ones who brought up an issue, not me. If they didn't offer me a ride (which I never asked for, like I said) I would have just came back with that girl which would have been a no-brainer.

I guess -- after I received that unwelcome offer from them -- I felt like if I were to say "no I want that girl to give me a ride" I would have to justify myself -- but if I say "I want those guys to give me a ride", I wouldn't have to do it. Well, I guess nobody told me that except for myself, but thats what I felt like, its called shyness.

What I am wondering about is this. Could it be that those guys knew all that and did it on purpose?

Women are not going to go for men taking stuff out on them. Because it isn't fair, really.

I've had women take stuff out on me. After a while, I realized that I had to assert myself, and call out the woman who takes stuff out on me.

Men shouldn't do the same thing. If they do, they deserve to be called out by women.

If women were to call me out, it would be fine: its called communication. What bothers that is that they shun me instead of (or in addition to) calling me out.

This begs the question: Why do this in the first place?

What's the use of taking something out on another person who is not to blame?

I guess it is just that I feel like a total victim so I want to be a perpetrator for once in order not to feel like a victim any more. And I know I shouldn't do it, it is just that I feel driven up the wall so I don't know what else to do.

But in any case, I am wondering: was it a separate issue, or are you saying it relates to my original question (the behavior of those guys). Do you think those guys did that in order to protect that girl from me: even though I didn't throw any tantrums that particular day, they knew I threw tantrums other days so they suspected that girl probably doesn't want to give me a ride and so they helped her out? If so, they were a really good actors since they acted like those macho guys who don't give a crap as to who hurts whom.

Or do you think it has nothing to do with it and its more along the lines of them just wanting to reassess their own manhood by keeping me away from that girl?

I can't really say. I wasn't there. It could either one. Or there might have been some other reason.

Going down to other peoples' level, to me, only puts you deeper in the hole.

Then don't do it. That's what responsible adults do.



None of this matters. This happened four years ago. Let it go. You overthink everything too much. Work on what's happening now, work on your behavior now, stop throwing tantrums, and be nicer to people.

You have at least a Master's Degree in Physics---if not a Doctorate in Physics.

You shouldn't stoop down to some other people's levels---the ones who take crap out on other people. You should be above that. You should behave like someone with an advanced degree.

I don't have an advanced degree----but I feel like I should behave decently. Not like a person who takes their own problems out on other people who have nothing to do with their problems.

I have Ph.D. in Physics. Maybe the reason you thought I have Masters is that I am doing Ph.D. right now. Well the Ph.D. I am doing now is in Math. And I already have the one in Physics. I plan to have at least two Ph.D.-s (sometimes I think of doing the third one in philosophy if after getting math ph.d. I still won't be able to get a job, but I hope it won't get to that).



But the question is: why do those people actually get away with this stuff? Or are you saying that "the fact" that I have Ph.D. is what makes it harder for me since people hold me to higher standard? If so, could this be related to this whole "nice guys finish last" thing: even though "nice guys" don't have Ph.D-s, they are more likely to hold a respectful job as opposed to work at macdonalds and -- due to whatever it is they do -- they are held to higher standard? Or even if they don't have any of those credentials at all, the act of being nice would put someone to higher standard in and of itself?

You should hold yourself to a higher standard, I believe.

Just like I should hold myself to a higher standard.

Who cares what the other people think.

Nice guys don't finish last.

Leo Durocher, the guy who said the quote, wasn't a nice guy. But he didn't win a pennant in baseball after the early 1950s. He also got divorced a few times. He certainly didn't finish "first."

If you throw tantrums and cuss people out for no reason, then you are not a "nice" person.

That quote of his has caused me to go through a sickening amount of distress. Not only have some men tell me it, I’ve actually had two women tell me it and the website Heartless b*****s International stood by it. An ex-friend also told me I had “Nice Guy Syndrome” and it made me feel worse. 2006 was a nightmare for me since it was the year I became clinically depressed and hearing those things only made me feel worse.

I know the quote isn’t true but I wish it would be written out of our lexicon. I don’t want to become like the rednecks or jocks who bullied me, I just hate how being an individual hasn’t translated to success.