Apparently Aspies are sociopaths and narcissistic lmao

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salad
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10 Jan 2020, 7:31 am

I was just scrolling the web out of boredom and to kill time as I try to figure out my life out, and I find this little gem:

https://www.theneurotypical.com/testimonials.php

I read almost all of the testimonials, and while it is true that some of them were only talking specifically about their own situations, quite a lot began to extrapolate unto all Aspies traits of narcissism, sociopathy and diagnoses of anti-social personality disorder. I didn't take it too seriously since it is a website called the neurotypical, like I wasn't expecting a website like that to have nice words to say about Aspies, but still it was unsettling to realize just how many women I know even in real life who share these same sentiments to varying degrees. Even on WP as a whole its very very frequent for a lot of the discussions on this subforum to devolve around the thorny issues of how to differentiate innocent ignorance of social cues and flat out abuse and gaslighting/sociopathy from Aspies in relationships. Even other Aspies on this forum, on this page even have made threads talking about issues with Aspie spouses and the issue of some level of anti-social behavior always gets brought up here and there; it seems to be a perennial hot topic apropos to the Aspergers relationship experience, deciphering traits as either incorrigible abuse or simply misunderstandings from a different way of viewing the world and expressing emotions.

Any thoughts?


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kraftiekortie
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10 Jan 2020, 8:03 am

It’s all BS.

People who put down autistic people should be shoved to the side.



Brehus
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10 Jan 2020, 10:24 am

I remember how the aspie Adam Lanza shot killed a bunch of kids at Sandy Hook and how a bunch of people started acting like all aspies are crazy which was very ignorant of them that is a bad as some people thinking all Gun owners are bad because a bad gun used a gun to kill people.

Are they no in general but some AS traits can make some AS people appear that way unfortunately for example my AS spouse in the beginning didn't have the ability to put herself in other people's shoes and understand why something was bothering a NT which can appear as lack of empathy and to be self centered to a person who doesn't understand AS.

Those traits have mostly gone away now and she has a heart of gold.
she does a better job of understanding peoples feelings and now takes other people's wants and needs into consideration everyone talks about how much she has approved she just needed someone to work with her.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Jan 2020, 10:58 am

I feel like the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" are way overused. They have become "the words of the day."

It's gotten to the point where it really seems like anybody who doesn't agree with you 100% is either one of those two terms.

This is rather like calling a moderate liberal a "leftist" and a moderate conservative a "rightist."



smudge
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10 Jan 2020, 11:13 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" are way overused. They have become "the words of the day."

It's gotten to the point where it really seems like anybody who doesn't agree with you 100% is either one of those two terms.

This is rather like calling a moderate liberal a "leftist" and a moderate conservative a "rightist."


So has "gaslighting", undermining those who really have been through it.


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10 Jan 2020, 12:50 pm

smudge wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" are way overused. They have become "the words of the day."

It's gotten to the point where it really seems like anybody who doesn't agree with you 100% is either one of those two terms.

This is rather like calling a moderate liberal a "leftist" and a moderate conservative a "rightist."

Agrees with this

So has "gaslighting", undermining those who really have been through it.


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pyrrhicwren
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10 Jan 2020, 1:01 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
It’s all BS.


Pretty much. Cluster-b & narcissism/NPD is very different and evil.


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pyrrhicwren
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10 Jan 2020, 1:05 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" are way overused. They have become "the words of the day."


Way overused and poorly defined.


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10 Jan 2020, 3:42 pm

I wouldn't feel bothered by that website.

Sure some autistic people have narcisism. Does anyone remember Elliot Rodger?
AS & narcissism can co-exist. Moreover, some of their features indeed overlap.

Reaching for the term narcissist makes the contributors of that website feel better. Narcissist is a bad word so it just serves better than AS in justifying their (self-perceived) victimhood. The people who write on there are emotionally charged, see themselves as mistreated victims, so they're not going to be concerned about delivering the accurate term, and more interested in using a term that is better at describing the pain they experienced. Maybe they think it's not acknowledged enough that relationships with an AS person can be in some cases emotionally distressing or disappointing, they feel they have to additionally use the narc term to get acknowledged for their hurt.
Many people don't know what either of the two conditions really are. On that site some who used that term just said they thought it was narcisism before they learnt it was ASD.

"married for 21 years "
" All along (40 years), I thought it was at least partly my fault"
"I have been with my husband for 19years "
" for the past 46 years I have been emotionally abused "


If they stay decades with someone they are unhappy with and who they think does them wrong, they were themselves not mentally healthy to begin with. What makes them stay if it damages them so badly? "I don’t know how much longer I can endure this type of existence. I think about dying and suicide frequently. Although I’m not sure I could commit that. I just wish I wasn’t with him." You don't have to be with him. I don't get such people. I think many NT/NT relationships are the same.

Quote:
it seems to be a perennial hot topic apropos to the Aspergers relationship experience, deciphering traits as either incorrigible abuse or simply misunderstandings from a different way of viewing the world and expressing emotions.

Someone on there wrote: "and who gets counseling and support? The person who has AS......totally ignoring every other person within the family. "
Counselling for the NT spouse or family member is a good idea in some cases.



Last edited by Lely on 10 Jan 2020, 3:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

salad
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10 Jan 2020, 3:52 pm

Lely wrote:
I wouldn't feel bothered by that website.

Sure some autistic people have narcisism. Does anyone remember Elliot Rodger?
AS & narcissism can co-exist. Moreover, some of their features indeed overlap.

Reaching for the term narcissist makes the contributors of that website feel better. Narcissist is a bad word so it just serves better than AS in justifying their (self-perceived) victimhood. The people who write on there are emotionally charged, see themselves as mistreated victims, so they're not going to be concerned about delivering the accurate term, and more interested in using a term that is better at describing the pain they experienced. Maybe they think it's not acknowledged enough that relationships with an AS person can be in some cases emotionally distressing or disappointing, they feel they have to additionally use the narc term to get acknowledged for their hurt.
Many people don't know what either of the two conditions really are. On that site some who used that term just said they thought it was narcisism before they learnt it was ASD.

"married for 21 years "
" All along (40 years), I thought it was at least partly my fault"
"I have been with my husband for 19years "
" for the past 46 years I have been emotionally abused "


If they stay decades with someone they are unhappy with and who they think does them wrong, they were themselves not mentally healthy to begin with. What makes them stay if it damages them so badly? "I don’t know how much longer I can endure this type of existence. I think about dying and suicide frequently. Although I’m not sure I could commit that. I just wish I wasn’t with him." You don't have to be with him. I don't get such people. I think many NT/NT relationships are the same.

Quote:
it seems to be a perennial hot topic apropos to the Aspergers relationship experience, deciphering traits as either incorrigible abuse or simply misunderstandings from a different way of viewing the world and expressing emotions.

Someone on there wrote: "and who gets counseling and support? The person who has AS......totally ignoring every other person within the family. "
Counselling for the NT spouse is a good idea.


Yeah the word narcissism has become overused and thrown around way too loosely, it's honestly deprecated the word and made those who suffer from actual cases of narcissism and sociopathy seem less trustworthy.


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10 Jan 2020, 5:09 pm

What these people need to do is actually tell the Aspie they are having issues with about the problem - they quite possibly are not aware of it if they haven't been told outright. The reaction of the Aspie should tell whether it's just because of their autism or if there is also some narcissism/sociopathy going on. If the person seems surprised and tries to change the "problem behavior" once they're made aware of it, that means they weren't aware they were causing a problem and are trying to fix it. If they are actually narcissistic/sociopathic, then either they are doing these things deliberately or they don't care about the effect it has on others and they will not attempt to change. As I always say, my autism makes socializing more difficult for me, but it doesn't mean I can't learn - it's no excuse for continuously being a jerk. The problem seems to be that the people who think we're narcissistic/sociopathic assume we should automatically know that the "problem behavior(s)" is/are a problem, and people who are on the autism spectrum don't always realize it. If they would just talk to each other instead of making assumptions, maybe these problems could be fixed, or a compromise could be reached.


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10 Jan 2020, 5:48 pm

It seems to me that the people mischievously branding people on the spectrum as narcissists and sociopaths are actually showing themselves as being more like that than the people they're branding .



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10 Jan 2020, 8:07 pm

firemonkey wrote:
It seems to me that the people mischievously branding people on the spectrum as narcissists and sociopaths are actually showing themselves as being more like that than the people they're branding .

Yes people do that all the time they try to make like AS people are all bad because they have a agenda.

People try to make all Gun owners seem bad because of the bad ones because they have a agenda.

People try to make out like all Muslims are terrorist because they have an agenda.

Idiots do that all the time to groups of people trying to push an agenda or because they simple don't like them because they have a different view.

People who judge a a group of people based on the actions of a few in the group are wrong

Code of conduct prevents me from saying what I think about people who judge a entire group of people based on the bad ones


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11 Jan 2020, 8:00 am

firemonkey wrote:
It seems to me that the people mischievously branding people on the spectrum as narcissists and sociopaths are actually showing themselves as being more like that than the people they're branding .
They're projecting their own issues onto others. People do that all the time nowadays. Look at the way politicians & other political groups act. I really wish people took a real hard look at themselves & tried to understand where their own problems & issues come from before playing the blame game.


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11 Jan 2020, 8:09 am

smudge wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" are way overused. They have become "the words of the day."

It's gotten to the point where it really seems like anybody who doesn't agree with you 100% is either one of those two terms.

This is rather like calling a moderate liberal a "leftist" and a moderate conservative a "rightist."


So has "gaslighting", undermining those who really have been through it.


Gaslighting is a form of trolling/underwhelming other people. Insecure people galight others by tearing someone down to build themselves up.



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11 Jan 2020, 8:21 am

Rainbow_Belle wrote:
smudge wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I feel like the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" are way overused. They have become "the words of the day."

It's gotten to the point where it really seems like anybody who doesn't agree with you 100% is either one of those two terms.

This is rather like calling a moderate liberal a "leftist" and a moderate conservative a "rightist."


So has "gaslighting", undermining those who really have been through it.


Gaslighting is a form of trolling/underwhelming other people. Insecure people galight others by tearing someone down to build themselves up. Gaslighters deserve to burn in hell!


^Yes, to devaluate others reducing others to a puddle while elevating themselves to sainthood. (Legitimate narcissist tactic.)


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