Mathematical question about matching

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It is told that it is easier for women than for men to get a date. But I don't understand how is it possible: I mean there are approximately as many women as men, and one woman is "matched" to one man, so math tells us that the proportion of matched-to-unmatched women should be the same as the proportion of matched-to-unmatched men. So how is it mathematically possible that for women its easier? I have came up with some explanations in my head. I am wondering if its any of those things, or something else.

Explanation 1: Maybe in our population there are 49% women and 51% men. So if we match every woman, then the 2% of the population that is left un-matched will be all men. So, for an average man its not any harder than for the average woman. But if we look at the men and women at the very bottom (such as the ones here on wrongplanet) then it would be.

Explanation 2: Maybe there is more than one matching. One matching involves monogamous relationships, and there the number of matched men and matched women is the same. But the other matching is polygamous that involve singles just fooling around. So, in terms of polygamous matching, a large number of women is matched to a small number of men. This is due to a psychology where a female isn't as willing to fool around with multiple people as man is (despite the fact that both genders are allowed to). So -- when it comes to polygamous matching -- then for the successful men on top its easier than for women, while for average man its harder, and thats how it balances out. In fact, a roommate that I had 5 years ago might be a good example of it. He was throwing parties every weekend with lots of women coming to his appartment. Yes, there were some men that were coming there too, but the number of women was definitely a lot larger. Now, did any of those women threw parties with lots of men coming to their appartment? Probably not. Was it because they felt "taken". Logically no: I mean they all saw each other at the party, so if they know that he is not committed to any of them, why should they be committed to him? But maybe -- despite the fact that they weren't "technically" taken -- they sort of "felt" taken, because its a female psychology that she can only pursue a limitted number of men. And so -- because they "felt taken" (whatever that might mean) -- my roommate basically stole a bunch of women from a bunch of potential men.

Explanation 3: It is true that the number of un-matched men and un-matched women are the same. But they are un-matched for different reasons. A typical un-matched man is un-matched because he can't meet woman's standards. A typical woman is un-matched because none of the men can meet her standards. Therefore, in order for the un-matched man to finally find a woman, he has to improve what he has to offer. In order for un-matched woman to finally find a man, she has to lower her standards. Now -- from a male perspective -- lowering standards is a lot easier than improving oneself. Therefore, from that point of view, women have it easier. But from woman's point of view that's not true: I heard that women put a lot more time into their appearance than men do. So, just like a man can ask "why doesn't a woman just lower her standards the way I do", a woman can ask "why doesn't a man take more time to put his appearance together the way I do". And that's why each side feels the other has it easier -- while ultimately both sides remain equally un-matched (both due to simple math and due to the fact that neither side seems to give in).

Explanation 4: I remember talking to a Ukrainian woman that dated Egyptian man who ultimately scammed her. What she told me is that she wasn't the only one in that predicament, and it was common for women to travel to the middle east to find the man, because they like the masculine qualities that these men present. Well, if I were to take what she said seriously, then I could hypothesize the following. Maybe some of the women in the first world are being "matched" to the men in the third world. This leaves out some un-matched men in the first world and some un-matched women in the third world. Technically, they could have been "matched", except that the men in the first world aren't interested (I mean on the dating site I get messages from some third world women that I ignore) so that is how the situation reverses itself. But if we look strictly at the first world, then we would simply say that "the number of available men is far greater than the number of available women" which would give us the same result.

Explanation 5: Maybe the statement that women have it easier only pertains to the men and women that are white. If, on the other hand, you look at blacks, then its the reverse: black men have it easy while black women don't. So basically, some of the white women were "matched" to the black men while, at the same time, white men are unwilling to be "matched" to black women. Therefore, the un-matched while men and black women both see their gender having it harder within their own race. They might have been matched to each other, except that white men are not interested.

Explanation 6: Each gender sees only "attractive" members of the opposite gender as available options. Therefore, from male perspective, all men are men but only attractive women are women -- and this leads to there being a lot more men than women, which means that in men's eyes the men have it harder. On the other hand, from female perspective, all women are women but only attractive men are men. This results in a female perspective being that there are a lot more women than men -- hence in woman's eyes women have it harder. But ultimately what happens is that each gender competes for "only" the attractive members of the opposite gender, and therefore each gender things they have it harder for the above-described reason.

Explanation 7: Men want sex and women want committment. So men have it harder when it comes to getting sex, and women have it harder when it comes to getting committment.

Explanation 8: Neither gender has it harder. But there are some *individuals* of both genders that are extremely unattractive -- due to other issues (such as Asperger) -- and then they falsely blame their predicament on their gender.

Explanation 9: A lot of men are very active and ask out lots of women. Women on the other hand are passive and wait to be asked out. Now, if an average man asks out 10 different women then, on average, every man will have to be rejected 9 out of 10 times in order for matching to work. That rate of rejections makes it seem like men have it harder. At the same time, the fact that each man in fact asks out 10 different women compensates for it. So each man that does this will end up being matched with the 1 woman that says yes. But then if you take men like myself that are too shy to ask 10 different woman then -- during that day when he finally gathers a courage to ask out just 1 woman -- he get shot down. And then he is left un-matched because he doesn't fit the statistical average: most men ask 10 different women and he doesn't.

Explanation 10: Other (Specify)

By the way, let me tell you right away that if *for other men* the explanation is either 6 or 7, then it would make it 8 *for me*. As far as 6 goes, I am willing to date unattractive women (most of my past girlfriends were overweight) yet it didn't help me. As far as 7 goes, I am also not looking for sex (I don't believe in sex before marriage) I am looking for committment. Yet this didn't help me either. So that makes it feel like it would be 8 for me -- unless it is one of the other ones that is.

But in any case, this poll is not about me but about men in general. So please vote and let me know what you think.

I’m on WrongPlanet. I’m not at the “very bottom.” Most of us here are not at the “very bottom.“

As for “explanations,” it depends on the individual person.

I think it's kinda a combo of things. The guys tend to want sex more & some guys play the field more than women. Some guys want to be with multiple women whereas a greater percentage of women only want to be with one guy. Guys generally focus on physical appearance & lots of guys tend to find a very large percentage of women physically attractive. & if the guys don't find certain women attractive, some guys would still be willing to get with the unattractive women if the guys think they'll have a chance at sex. There's sayings like "Guys think with their dicks" or "A man's brain is between his legs". There's plenty of exceptions of course & plenty of variations of different levels in men & women. There's plenty of men who are not like that & there are also a bit of women who are like that but in general men are wanting sex more than women.

Women tend to care about a guy having his life together like the guy being independent, having his own place, & decent stable job. The guys are generally expected to be the 1s who directly ask the women out. The women flirt & try to hint to the guy that they are interested & the guys have to make a direct move. The guys are generally expected to pay for the dates more than the women. Guys are more likely to date women who are younger than them instead of older, & women are more likely to date guys who are older than them instead of younger. The system seems kinda like job interviews where the women are the "employers" & the guys are the "job seekers". The guys have to prove themselves worthy to the woman. A lot of all this is probably related to the ingrained traditional gender roles of dating & relationships. Also more men generally sign up to dating sites than women who do, & more guys go to bars/clubs looking for women than women who go there. That's why some dating sites charge men for memberships while women get free 1s, & some bars/clubs let women in for free but charge the men.

Also I heard that a higher percentage of women are gay than men who are gay. & a higher percentage of women are bi than men who are bi. I'm not sure if that is true or not but if it is, it would lower the percentage of available women that the guys have to chose from.

O Jesus...