Back in touch a year later, what now?

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I met a local woman on OkCupid in October 2018, she's into nature and photography like I am, has worked in mental health NGOs, just an all-around decent person I think, but she never could stay in touch so I moved on before seeing her. Met someone else from an hour away, seemed to hit it off immediately but couldn't get more than two dates in over a few months despite all the texting and despite intense sexting never moved further than hand-holding (tbh that's as far as I've gotten since puberty). After I had a work retraining last February that screwed up the hours to see her while the weekend weather was horrendous so I couldn't then, she cut me off and gave the "just friends" excuse which she later apologized for, and is still with the next guy, explaining later that she liked me but never felt she was getting back what she put in.

March 2019, after politely answering the first woman's answer in January when I still thought things had a future with the other one, I get back in touch and secure a date, but it was a rainy night at a crowded restaurant and the chemistry wasn't there, as usual on my first dates. She has two kids with a man that appears to have a checkered past and lost her brother when he went missing, and works in nature centers and the like (she studied marine biology in college), while I use my B.A. in English working at a call center she pointed out on the first date she had in high school. I felt a little inadequate but tried to keep in touch, and she at first ignored, then I spilled the beans on my autism spectrum diagnosis (part of why I'm underemployed and struggle to make friends along with moving as a teenager to an area where everyone knew everyone). No response until a month later, when she tells me she has PTSD but refuses to say if I triggered it, then suggests hiking at a rather isolated place I don't think someone who didn't feel safe with me would even consider only to not follow through. Meanwhile, until well into the summer, she continued liking my pics on Instagram, usually whatever birds and vistas I come across in the gorgeous area I live on morning walks.

Finally, I made peace with the rejection more or less and decided to Facebook friend request her, since we have a common and she still occasionally likes my posts, and to my surprise she accepted, then was among 13 people (all women or gay guys, hmm) who liked a Facebook post I did hoping everyone was OK and asking for hangout ideas (post or DM) for when the coronavirus crisis blew over now that a lot of people were homebound. She likes the posts I share from IG there and even commented on one of the pics with her own knowledge, the first time I've heard from her since, and I'm tempted to try and ask her how she's been or something, maybe on there in case she gets freaked out by my still having the number if she hasn't changed it. My usual low response rate on dating sites is worse than usual, and I feel like I could use the friendship in any case even if nothing comes of it. Her interests and politics are closer to mine than any other woman who's even considered me up to this point. Realize someone else is a better prospect at this point, but thoughts? Should I make contact somehow?

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to be her friend on FB but I would not expect things to go any further unless she were to make a move for them to. There's also a chance she'll cut contact shortly after you reach out to her & if that happens I wouldn't consider it a big loss.

Had a great conversation a week ago Friday night, she shared a lot about what's going on in her life, kids, pets, etc. She works all days but the one I have off, though, and it was Easter weekend. I trailed off after an hour, but at 9 that night she wished me good night and I did the same. This past Monday, I text her asking how her weekend went, no response so far though she posted twice on social media, silly Instagram posts autoshared to Facebook about her pets, and responded to some comments. I expected she might not respond at all when I tried to text her, but didn't expect she would do it the second time even though it was close to when she had gone to bed the previous time. I'm reluctant to contact her again, fearing that I would look desperate, and she did like some posts I made a week ago today, but I'm confused as to what happened to change things after a good interaction like that. She's been like that as long as I've been interacting with her.

Honestly, I don't know but not optimistic. I message again this past Sunday during my work lunch (it's her day off), hear back with a "sorry I didn't get the last one" spiel, then that night I mention a political candidate forum on Zoom (she's on my side I think), which thanks me for bringing up but says she can't watch since she's making dinner for the kids. Didn't think I saw her name up. I honestly hate flopping like this, and just wish I could inspire a real desire to communicate. Then again, when I've gotten spontaneous communication from women, it's rarely panned out.

I've been frustrated by this sort of behavior from men before.... I think it might be the gentle letdown, but I'm not entirely sure.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

It has never panned out in my experience either.

She has kids which means she wants a good provider.

Sounds like she's curving you. Curving is kinda related to ghosting. It's like when someone replies sporadically & seems disinterested cuz they're not interested in you but they wanna save face & not just come rite out with it.