Why must romance involve offerings?

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Last edited by Ante on 09 Nov 2005, 5:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure. I wish love could be unconditional.

I guess this isn't a very good explanation, nor is it very hopeful, but so be it. Most people view material possessions as the most important things in the world. If you ask me, someone who needs a constant stream of gifts to feel committed isn't the kind of person I'd ever want to be around. Surprise surprise, I haven't met anyone of the opposite sex who thinks like I do, but that's no reason to give up. Just keep in mind that not everybody is shallow.

It's an instinct. Males of many species offer "things" to females. It's a way of proving your worth as a mate. You're saying that you are someone with the resources to be able to make her happy or comfortable, to provide for the young. There is also evidence that among ancient man that women had to, at times, trade sex for things like food or tools. Don't take it as shallow or offensive. It's something that nature built into us.

In pagan culture it was custom(medieval period?)
for the god(Male) to pass gold unto goddess(Female)
and thus the passing of a silver coin is a god-blessing!

Hmmmmmm? Fascinating!

Too Bad! we live in a physical gratification
world and conditioning that we have come
to accept in giving for sex, or repect!

I never bought my girlfriend any of items listed in A (except one gift for Christmas). Since I never had a girlfriend before, it is possible that I'm doing everything wrong. I think that our relationship is more as described in B.


Me neither.

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Last edited by Ante on 09 Nov 2005, 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't know, it's stupid.

No-one can buy my love. On the other extreme, some people get it when they probably don't want it.

Treat em mean, keep em keen. I need a guy to keep me in check, I'm not into wearing the pants in a relationship.

I'd like to think there are some people who are smart enough to ignore prehistoric instincts that tell them the best mates are always the ones with the most possessions. The world would be in a hell of a lot more trouble if everyone connected with their inner caveman.

Or maybe I've got it all wrong.

You mean they haven't?

Gifts impose obligation, which is something people are usually trying to do in forming relationships, they also act as 'remember me' thingies. They can also say things people don't like to utter (or not yet anyway).

It isn't confined to people at all. Nor is it confined to material posessions or food: even semen, in a way, is an offering, for the hormones in it benefit the woman even when she is not in the fertile phase of her cycle.

It also can't be fairly said that offerings are strictly male to female, either. Don't we provide you studs with offspring? And what about all those tasty meals, platefulls of homebaked cookies, pies,and cakes, and hand knitted socks, scarves, etc?

Basically, one needs and wants to provide physical evidence of our fitness as a mate and companion (not only as a 'provider'). I don't find this to be entirely shallow, since talk is cheap and the harsh lessons of reality can shatter many a poorly baked dream.

Mutant and I are not concerned about status symbols or impressing one another. YOur ideal stated in B is basically what we have. Nevertheless, we still enjoy treating each other, showing one another the good and wonderful things in life and sharing the joys of the earth, even if it is only as simple as a wildflower, a smooth stone, or an autumn leaf. I can't see anything wrong with this.

ohhhh.

/me sulks.

/me likes getting presents.

It doesn't always have to be about lavish gifts or being able to spend money anti everything - but giving each other presents (particularly thoughtful ones) is one way of showing someone you are thinking of them, which is generally why people like getting them. I share chamoisee's view on that - its nice to share. Gifts in isolation are no substitute for respect, trust and care though. Can't say I agree with the belonging to each other thing in description B 100% though - I don't own Mel and nor does she own me, we have no claim on each other, other than love.

Dunc (still feeling lucky after 12 years)

Thanks, AntiEverything, but I have to disagree. I am not wise, but rather clueless. This relationship just happened, and confuses me totally. At one point earlier this year I was so lost that I created an Excel spreadsheet to calculate my girlfriend's intentions, by analyzing patterns in her behavior. Our relationship is not at all similar to what one can see in the movies, and if someone made a movie about us, most people would probably take it as a very funny comedy!