During the 2018-2019 school semester, I decided to try and do something about my dating woes. I joined a bunch of college clubs, started going to the gym regularly and put effort into my appearance, and made an effort to try and strike up conversations with people and with girls. The hope was to find someone to date and try and get my first girlfriend. Also throughout four years, iv'e asked out around 15 girls out on a date. This is what I learned from it all.
The majority of women will reject you and some of them won't be too nice about it.
By my own account, i'm not the best looking guy. I'm short, and fairly skinny despite working out on a regular basis, and i'm nothing special facial wise either. I also have Aspergers syndrome which is known to impair social intelligence and your ability to read unwritten social rules. As a result, I probably get rejected more than the average person due to my major disadvantages. But even if you're good looking, you're still going to get rejected, just at a lower rate compared to someone who isn't as attractive.
From my experience, the majority of women will not like you back, and some of them won't be too nice about it either. Iv'e had several women look at me with absolute disgust when I tried striking up a conversation with them; and with other women, when I tried talking to them, they would either find excuses to leave the conversation early or a few of them would flat out ignore me and walk away. And I wasn't hitting up random girls on the street either or saying lewd/inappropriate comments. These were mainly girls from the clubs I attended or the classes that I was in. Also the majority of women were simply not too invested into keeping the conversation going; I was the one doing all of the talking, asking questions, while most women simply didn't give a s**t about trying to make it work. I even had women yell at me and treat me like horse crap. All of this was very humiliating to me and overtime, it began to take a toll on my self-esteem.
Not all women acted cold and stuck up towards me though. I made friends with several girls who were warm and friendly towards me. I became friends with a girl at a gaming club and another girl at a church group I attended.
You get better at learning to read signs that a woman does and doesn't like you.
The more women you talk to and the more women you ask out, the better you are at knowing whether or not she's going to say yes. When I first started out, I had a sort of tunnel vision. If I liked a girl, I would ask her out regardless of whether or not I thought she was going to say yes. And then if she said no, (which they did 100% of the time) I would then look back and pay attention to the signs that indicated she wasn't interested, and that's how I got better at knowing whether they were going to say no.
If a girl told me she was "too busy" or she said "let me brings my friends along", I assumed she was legitimately too busy and as a result, I wound up chasing several girls for several months who strung me along when I should have instead backed off and moved on. But as I got more experienced, I learned that most women will reject you indirectly and won't be upfront about the fact that they don't want to date you. I learned that when a woman says she's "too busy" or "let me brings my friends along" or "my phone is dead sorry", it's just an indirect way of saying they're not interested. Sure this is obvious to a lot of people but it wasn't obvious to me, i'm just some guy with aspergers. I'm pretty sure figuring out quantum mechanics is easier than figuring out women.
I also learned some other signs a woman isn't interested. She openly talks about other guys she's casually seeing or interested in while you're around, she tries leaving the conversation early, she's not too interested in getting your contact information, she frequently ghosts you when you're texting her, etc...
No matter how many times you get a no, there's always going to be someone who's willing to says yes.
I'm short, skinny, a bit of a nerd, and people have described me as weird and iv'e still managed to at least get a few girls to give me a shot. In my four years of trying on and off, iv'e asked out around 16 girls out on a date and 4 have said yes. Although realistically, I didn't ask out every single girl I pursued because many of them had boyfriends or I knew they were going to say no. So in reality, maybe around 1 in 25 to 30 girls I pursue, one of them would be willing to at least go on a date with me.
These four dates never went anywhere but a part of that was simply due to incompatibility. But nevertheless, there were several women who were at least willing to take some time out of their day to meet up with me. So that's definitely a positive.
Women who say yes aren't going to be the majority, especially if you're a short skinny nerd with aspergers syndrome, but if you ask out enough women, eventually one is going to say yes. Depending on how you go about asking women out, your chances of getting a yes might be the equivalent of finding a shiny Pokemon with Pokerus, which is why I don't recommend trying to find a date on Tinder unless you're really good looking. Your chances of getting a yes go significantly up if you try meeting people in real life.
Rejection is inevitable. The better you are at handling rejection, the more successful you will be.
The better you are at handling rejection and not letting it emotionally phase you, the more successful you will be. Rejection is simply a part of the game and much like how you can't be a boxer without getting punched in the face, you can't play the game of dating without being rejected from time to time. That's why if you suffer from rejection sensitivity, you need to learn how to handle rejection better.
I will admit that this is a weakness of mine. In the past, when I would get rejected by a girl, it would completely devastate me and I would be depressed for months! I blame this on the fact that I have pre-conceived notions about myself that women don't like me because i'm short and autistic and when I get rejected by a girl, she's doing it because she's judging me on my height and aspergers. And when I got rejected by a girl, I would simply give up for months at a time.
That's why it's very important to learn how to cope with rejection and not let it phase you.
I still have a lot to learn...
Even though I am still a 25 year old virgin who has yet to find a girlfriend, I have still made a lot of progress compared to when I first started out. When I was 21 years old, I coudn't even talk to girls at all without crapping myself. And over time, I built myself up to at least be able to strike up conversations with women and even ask them out.
I will admit that I started off with several disadvantages that other people don't have and this is why it's taking me longer to be successful. I'm short, have aspergers, I had to fix my personality and my self-esteem issues. Dating has not been easy for me at all and in fact it's been very hard!
It's hard to be positive when you're comparing yourself to other people as well. For many people, especially if they're good looking, dating is easy for them. They're easily able to get dates, have sex, and get into relationship with very little effort. I never had this luxury in life; I had to work my butt off every step of the way just to even get a chance at any sort of dating life! Nothing was given to me! Maybe that just means when I finally become successful, I will appreciate it more.
07 Jul 2020, 11:58 pm
