18 Year Old Autistic Daughter Obsessed with 15 Year Old

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My high-functioning yet emotionally/intellectually delayed autistic daughter has found a boy that likes her.

The boy is also special needs but to a much lesser degree and he seems like a nice kid -- soft spoken, well-behaved.

The problem is that he's 15 and she just turned 18. Legal ramifications aside, she's obsessed with him -- as in she has gotten up to leave the classroom without permission if she sees him in the hall, butted into conversations when he was talking with his case manager at school, refused to get on the school bus leaving school until she could talk with him (they aren't in any classes together).

Her case manager at school is going to talk with her and I'm, of course, not allowing any dating to occur and she doesn't have access to a phone at home (unless we give her the phone) to trying to call him over and over. So far, he hasn't complained nor have his parents.

I'm not sure how to get her to understand the legal problems she could have if she was to be involved with this boy. I only wish he were older as he is a nice kid and I think would treat her well (from what I know so far, caveat emptor).

Any ideas on how to get her to realize that the age difference is such that she can't be dating him? The problem is that this is the first time a boy has shown interest in her so she doesn't want to give him up (you know, there won't EVER be ANOTHER ONE! )

All I've read online is about 18 year old BOYS dating 15 year old GIRLS and, of course, that's a BAD idea too, not to mention illegal almost everywhere (I think/hope). Not much on the opposite.

- AlyssasDad

is she planning to attend college?

does she have any friends or interest groups / hobbies?

with an age gap that wide i would worry about him being too immature for her, but i don't know if/how her autism would affect that.

with similar age diffences and an older male, they seem to usually (kind of) be on equal footing since teenaged girls are, in my experience, more mature than similarly aged boys, but maybe 3 years is a bit much to be on equal footing.

have you met him? what do her friends think if applicable?

as far as i know it's only illegal if they have sex. when i turned 18, my girlfriend was still 15 for a month before she turned 16, nobody i knew had a problem with it, 14 and 17 is certainly too weird.

When I was 18, I lived four hours from home, paid my own rent, and worked full time. Is your daughter actually high functioning, or is this just something you're telling yourself? Like I said - I'm considered high functioning and by 18, dating was a breeze and my parents certainly weren't involved in that aspect of my life whatsoever. So your daughter is an adult, and you don't "allow" her to date, she isn't "allowed" to have a phone, and she has a "case manager". Either she's not high functioning at all, or you're overstepping what you are legally allowed to do.

I don't really know what to tell you. Personally I see nothing wrong with a 15 and 18 year old dating. The real issue to me is a country where kids are at risk of jail time for exploring their sexuality, and a society where parental involvement in the dating lives of their nearly grown children is acceptable.

Have you considered speaking to his parents to make sure everyone's ok with things, they would also be the people to talk to their son which would be much harder for you to do. If they don't have a problem with it, and are able to discus eg ground rules with their son that might help.

Oh for the love of God, she's 18 years old! With some guidance she is well more than old enough to date. Please let her out of the protective bubble you have her trapped in.

I suppose it depends on how the statutory laws are in DC, but typically, the law won't get involved if it is the male who is the minor. I'm not a father, however.

It does sound like he's become too much of a distraction, though. I wouldn't know how to deal with it either, but I assume they'll only be attending the same school for a few more months.

Young love is fleeting.

Let's set the record straight here: an 18-year-old merely dating a 15-year-old is not illegal in any sense of the word. It only starts getting to that point if sex is involved, which I'm inclined to doubt it will be this early on. It's entirely possible her obsession with him is strictly platonic - something you've evidently failed to consider.

Just let her see him if she wants to, but do make sure they don't start having sex until the boy is 18. Assuming they start a romantic relationship and the thing lasts that long to begin with.