Female Aspie Traits/Personalities??

Post Reply New Topic

Ever have a question that seemed way to big? Or one that you did not know how to word?
Or could not find a 'solid' answer for, no matter how many ways you googled it?

This is mine.

I do not know if I am an Aspie, I do think there is a very good chance that I am though.

The reasons I want to know the female Aspie traits/personality type (not really sure how to word that)
is because I have noticed a couple times on WP (different sections) people responding to threads, but then saying
something like, "I am a female Aspie, so my response would be different from most male Aspies"

Is there still 'strong' gender differences between male and female Aspies?
From what I have seen here, I would say yes (maybe not strong, but it is there), but I do not want to assume anything.


I have a lot of the traits listed for Aspies,
but I also have no recall of ever 'identifying' with my own 'gender'
I have on occasion agreed with a couple on something
But the 'traits' so many consider female I do not really have.

I identify with males mostly and am more comfortable
This can cause and has caused many problems for me.
I am a straight female and many females do not like their mates having female friends
It also causes problems if I am attracted to a male, because way to often males 'expect' females to act/be a certain way
Many times that 'way' is one of the things that confuses me about females.

So I have traits of an Aspie, which makes me some sort of social outcast in some 'circles'
But I also do not really identify with my own gender, which makes me an outcast from them - I am ok with that, but it has affected my male friendships


A male friend once said, I was like a very butch gay male, stuck in a female body
But that doesn't work either.. I am very comfortable with my body - and truthfully, there is no way in hell I would
ever want a penis of my own - recovery time alone would frustrate me.

I figured this would be the 'safest' place to put this..

Does anyone have any insight into this?
Are female Aspies, more male like?

Sorry for the really poor wording of this, I just do not know how to word some things
and I do not want to offend anyone.

But I would like to know..

I've heard that autism may be considered the "masculinization of the brain". I'm personally an autie female and identify with some male & female traits but still lean a good way more towards female. But I have a feeling I may "think" more like a guy than NT females. This would actually be an interesting study. One odd thing about me is sometimes I think men & women should literally swap their typical dress habits with each other (guys in dresses & girls in suites) .

I have read that as well, and something about male and female brains - not the usual male female brain thinking
Will see if I can find that article again.

But there just doesn't seem to be enough info on this - not that I have found, because one or two articles to me
is just not enough to get a clear picture.



I think it would be a very interesting study, if it has not already been done and I just cannot find the info.

You said that you have a feeling that you may 'think' more like a guy then an NT females.
Do you mean just guys in general?
And how different is the thinking between NT females and females of the spectrum?




I don't think it is odd at all.
I have a thing for guys in kilts, but I would not want to see every guy walking around in dresses or kilts

But occasionally I will start thinking this when around some silverbacks



It amuses me, and helps me to smile and not want to choke them..

I mean guys in general who are not on the autism spectrum. One thing I've noticed about the NT males I've met is they are much more blunt in their opinions and what they talk about than NT females (they don't use a filter NEARLY as much). I think they don't care about "being nice" as much as NT females. This lack of filtering matches autistic people more-so than NT females from what I've observed. The big difference is I'm almost certain NT males CHOOSE when they do/not use their filters and aspies/auties don't really have that option unless they REALLY work on it (and in my case get constant cues/signals as help from reliable people). Plus generally I think (at least in college) NT males are much more relaxed, less materialistic and much less bitchy (talking about other people behind their backs to spite them type of stuff and whining/generally). (But when the guys I know whine...
THEY WHINE A LOT!! ! ) This lack of "bitchiness" seems more like myself b/c I only "whine" when I'm very frustrated and drained... plus b/c of my lack of a filter I ask people to warn me when I'm whining, than I stop. The NT females I've met don't seem to care if they make your ears bleed with their frivolous & materialistic seeming concerns. Me vs. NT females: Tell me to shut up I shut up w/o (usually being offended/9 out of 10 times at least) (I only remember getting pissed at someone for telling me to "shut up and listen to me (them) for once" one time... I was admittedly PISSED) vs. Tell them to shut up & they question and argue

p.s. I break this "shut up rule" with my parents... their the only people I purposely whine/argue to/with...



I've been afraid of guys in kilts since a guy I know spun around w/o underwear while wearing a kilt...




I love that song from Monty Python!! ! What do you mean by silverbacks?

Some very interesting ideas.

As a female aspie, you can count me in as one who thinks and talks like a man. I can't understand the uber-female empty, gossipy chit-chat and small talk, and all the flowery language.

Girls say I'm too blunt, or I talk like a man, or they just take offense. Truth be told, I'm just highly logical in my thought process, which seems to be a trait attributed mostly to men.

This does not change the fact that I'm extremely feminine and love being a woman. I'm one of the odd aspie girls who's into fashion and makeup, as in I have to know everything, I might even have a panic attack if I forget a fashion model's name.

I think in general, aspie girls can tend to be the quiet ones in a group, but have plenty of fascinating things to say one on one. We can also be highly imaginative, inventing whole worlds of our own, or having some interesting imaginary characters lurking around. Unfortunately, a comorbid that targets us ladies is eating disorders. Unfortunate, but very true. These ladies need a lot of love and respect.

In general, I think an enormous amount of research is lacking which will hopefully be supplemented in the coming years. I am also of the opinion that there are a vast number of undiagnosed females out there, camouflaging just sell enough to slip under the radar.

couple of relevant threads i found searching quickly:

"do you feel like you have a male brain in a female body?"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt16179.html

"do you feel like a man?" (posted in women's discussion forum)
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt92025.html

"list of female AS traits"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt109221.html

(the list is from Rudy Simone's website. excerpt: "may have many androgynous traits despite an outwardly feminine appearance. thinks of herself as half-male/half-female")

i don't feel like a man; i feel like an impostor.

I'am sorry for jumping in but having autism have always got along better with females.The 1 female who was different was a nt and I was manipulated by her didn't work out. The 2nd was also nt but different set of values and works with me.

I will give you my opinion. Aspie males and female will sometimes differ by the way they mask. Female are further up the stages of childhood development. They may have become extroverts. As Aspies enter school they divide themselves into tribes (males and females). Aspie females tend to mask by mirroring the behavior of others females, this is social masking. As they grow into adolescence, they find it more difficult to blend in and be accepted by their peer group. They are verbally abused by their peer group. At this stage some Aspie females tend to find acceptance in the male tribe. They become tomboys.

Often when they reach adulthood they find it difficult to social mirror. They are constantly rethinking every decision. It becomes a great stress burden. Many find after several years the stress just becomes too great and they suffer from a variety of mental problems.

Aspie males in my opinion often have not advanced up the stages of childhood development as far as females. So let me try by describing myself. Deep within me, I am at the childhood development age of 5 or 6 years. I am a happy boy living in a world full of wonder. I love to explore and let the world open up before me. I care nothing for social masking. I live in my world and I am happy in it. I am a nonconformist. But I do a different type of masking. I mask as an introvert adult. Around 50 percent of the people in the world are introverts and the rest extroverts. I am an extreme introvert. So all I do is mask as an introvert neurotypical. It causes me very little stress and deep inside I am still a happy little boy at 71 years of age.

Many Aspie males are described as "little professors"; whereas many Aspie females are described as "little psychologist".

It's fairly common for us Aspies to have problems fully identifying with our own gender regardless if we're female or male. My 2nd as well as my current girlfriend are both on the spectrum & they both didn't fully identify with other females.
My 2nd girlfriend wished she were a guy but was afraid to actually transition. She was afraid of taking hormones & lived in Texas & her parents were so conservative that they only wanted me to stay over at their house(our relationship was long distance) even thou she was 19 & lived in her own apartment. That stuff caused major problems in our relationship but that's another topic.
My current girlfriend likes to joke that she's 51% male & I'm 51% female. Some of the reason Cass is like that could be due to environmental & hormone factors thou. Unlike my 2nd girlfriend, Cass is OK with being her gender.
As for myself, there were times in my life when I wished I was a girl & I have used the phrase male lesbian or lesbian trapped in a mans body in the past. I was physically bullied by boys when I was a kid. I was much more sensitive than the typical boy my age. I HATED anything to do with sports & much rathered go on the swingset with the girls during PE or recess than play sports with the boys. I also like boy-bands & some other things that caused me to get the gay label. I contemplated being gay but I'm much more attracted to women than men. However I never really been interested in the idea of having sex outside of a serious romantic relationship; I'm somewhat demisexual. I also went through a phase of transvestic fetishism in my preteens & most of my teens which was very confusing for me. I'm also a feminist. I'm OK with being a male now but being OK with my gender & figuring out my sexual orientation was a very long & complicated process for me.

Every time I see a list of "female Aspie traits," I relate to few of them. According to those lists, I would not be diagnosed as ASD. Nor do I relate when women talk about spending their younger years undiagnosed and only finding out they were ASD well into adulthood (I was diagnosed in fourth grade). I can't "mask" or "script" or "mimic" to save my life, everyone who interacts with me for five minutes can tell that something's up with me, even if they don't know exactly what. My special interests have always been seen as odd, I haven't ever had more "normal" ones (as a kid it was insects, and I was perplexed when at recess I showed some other girls a cool beetle I'd found and they all cried "Eeew!"). I am not very creative or super into literature. The only thing that does seem to fit me is that I loved playing pretend as a child (and even now) and mostly read fiction (horror, fantasy, and sci-fi mostly) instead of nonfiction, oh and also that I am far more prone to shutdowns than meltdowns, so I didn't get in trouble for "acting up" in school or anything. The conclusion I've reached is that my autism presents itself in a more masculine way. As for my gender, I feel pretty gender-neutral, neither male or female.

Above average intelligence, big ego's and a lack of perspective-taking/empathy has been my experience for a lot of them.

Interesting. I have average (perhaps lower now due to health issues affecting my brain) intelligence, minimal self-esteem and usually give way to others, pride myself in being able to see both/all sides of most things, and am far more empathetic than most NTs I know. But then again, I seem to be the outlier in any group I try to fit into (or society tries to force me into). But I also have seen plenty of males here who also seem to fit the traits you list, so perhaps it's less gender-specific and more a subset of Asperger's/autism.

Sounds quite great to me. Now we need to find a way to transfer the way that your brains works to other girls ...

Everything you said makes sense in a general way of course, specifics can vary and a topic like this can only be answered in generalities.

One thing I wanted to add is that Dr Tony Attwood said 'female Aspies' --who are capable (mentally) I guess--are disproportionately more caring than NT females, and excel in caring professions. He said most of the ones he has seen over the years tend to be exceptionally good at such roles even if it isn't a profession, per se.

Of course, the caring displays itself differently for example you cannot care about some hurt feeling when you are too oblivious to realize it is there. If you know, or have trained yourself to recognize things or ANTICIPATE the possibility, and what is the best thing to do, that too is mitigated.

As a female HFA who is far from masculine, I can safely say traits vary. Another person in this thread mentioned childhood. From a very early age clothes, makeup and cutesy things were my “special interests”. I did go through a tomboy and goth phase but now I’m back to being in touch with my roots.

I've never quite understood the hype about male vs female autism. I'm an autistic woman and according to diagnostic criteria I have the same characteristics as autistic men. The testing criteria is the same for men / women, and my emotional experience seems to be the same as what men have endured.

I didn't feel a pressure to be extroverted or to be polite and sociable with people, any more so than my brother or any other child did. All children are encouraged to be friendly and to cooperate with others, or make friends. Some are more comfortable with that than others, regardless of their neurotype.

Likewise, I didn't really mask. Sure I tried to fit in with my friends, but doesn't everyone to some degree? It's normal to mimic others a bit, and to notice what is or isn't socially inappropriate. Beyond that I was just always "me". I don't consciously mask or script anything and I never have. I can't say I was a tomboy or a girly girl. I was a human being with my own personality, my own interests, and a desire to be alone most of the time. My female cousins were much more girly but I wasn't comfortable with them. I was also uncomfortable with my brother and male cousins because I didn't want to do "boy things".

jimmy mentioned being 6 or 7. At max, I'm 13ish. My socioemotional development stopped at that time. I spend a lot of my life feeling and acting like I'm 6 or 7 when I'm alone, because that's the most comfortable age.

I do identify with a lot of the anecdotal descriptions of autistic women, but I really don't think "autistic women" and "autistic men" are different. The criteria test us all the same and our inner experience seems quite similar in my opinion. In general, we all feel like outliers regardless of our sex and gender.