Advice on how to date as a young Aspie woman? Or resources?

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone have resources on dating as a woman with Asperger's? Or any advice on how to attract guys when your social graces are lacking?

How do you normally dress, if you don't mind my asking?

Try a dating site. You’ll get lots of attention most require women message first now. So pick guys you seem most interested in. But be kind to the losers.

First and foremost, be careful and mindful. When I was younger, I didn't always realize when I was being taken advantage of.

Don't be afraid to speak up, say what's on your mind, and stand up for yourself. Be assertive. Don't be afraid to ask someone out rather than waiting for people to approach you. If you get rejected, there will be plenty of other opportunities. Just remember all of your good qualities and find someone who appreciates them as much as you do. (:

As another poster mentioned, dating websites can be a good resource. I recommend OKCupid as

a. it's free(at least at the time I used it)
and
b. it uses an algorithm based on your preferences and how you answer questions to give you matches based on compatibility

Now its usefulness may vary, based on your location, compatibility, and other factors, but its a good starting point.

I'd like to recommend joining hobbies via Meetup app or stuff in your local community, volunteering, all that sort of stuff, but depending on the severity of your aspie-ness, that might not play to your strong suit. If being involved in a hobby you're interested in makes you chatty, than by all means give it a shot! Some people date coworkers, but for people with limited social prowess, the intermingling romantic and job politics could become quite daunting. If you want any more info, feel free to shoot me a message.

- you aren't lacking 'social graces' but you may be sending just the wrong nonverbal signals.
- care about your look like other girls do as well but don't become artifical by over doing cosmetics
- never try to suppress a smile otherwise your face may become a strange grimace
Let it go because it makes your face beautiful in opposite to huge amounts of makeup.
- keep a good mood and feel positive about yourself and about the others to prevent an RBF.
Skip negative expectations about how others could be towards you who want to talk with you.
Negative expectations towards others are visibly mirroring in you face and become immediately
noticed as an emotional rejection.
- attractive women are selfconfident but very open and friendly towards the people around
- If dancing don't forget to swing your hips sidewise in an attactive way. It's a strong sexual signal.
It shows that you may like body contact and to feel sombody who likes you at your body.
- if a guys approaches you and you like him give him an open smile
- NT women who like a guy try to get in touch e.g. by touching his hands
- some who notice a guy they like being interested get 'accidentally' in touch a bit while passing him
That means they rub their shoulders, breasts (most common) or in rare cases their hips
on him, mostly in a way that they hope that others then him don't notice.
- learn to read body language. Imagine yourself in the place of others and ask yourself
why they currently behave as they do and why the are the way that they just are.
You'll get a lot of the intentions and emotional problems of people and you'll improve at this quite fast.
- skip online dating because you don't get there how people are, how they behave and
how they are towards you! There are lots of scammers, perverts and idots.
- be aware that you can't totally hide that you are are on the spectrum if you are lacking empathy
then it's hard to establish an emotional connection that causes others to love you

Guess that's nearly all that I can say without knowing you and watching they way that you are towards others. But I hope it helps you a bit.

You should first tell what you are struggling with the others can know what tips/resources to give you; the question is too vague.

That's right but because of Asperger's you can guess it a bit. She is very pretty but kind of clueless if comes to nonverbal communication. Women who have Asperger's behave a little bit strange and don't get the nonverbal signals of others or are sending the wrong ones without being aware of it.

Well....in that case, OP: viewtopic.php?t=387442

That thread was directed at men, but it's actually applicable for both.

Also it may give you an idea how you are supposed to show enthusiasm if there's a guy is making effort to get to know you (and you want him); it's a two-ways thing.

Did someone just call Whale Tuune clueless and a bit strange, or did I misread that?

I sincerely hope I misread it.

Whale Tuune,
You are brilliant, well-read, articulate, caring, humble, and devout, not to mention very attractive. Assuming that is your picture. Please realise that your Autism / Aspergers is not going to detract from who you are, or the types of people you will attract. I would assume you are seeking a partner with the same values and the same level of intellectual curiosity. I don't know that you will necessarily find that match online, although it's possible. I believe there are Catholic dating events (in person), as well as Catholic dating sites if you do choose to go online. Otherwise, as a student I hope you can meet people in authentic situations such as outreach work, charitable volunteerism, or other academic groups. In terms of specific dating advice, I'm certainly no pro. Maintain your values, be careful of players, and trust your gut. Another mantra I have, is that there shouldn't be a need for boyfriend secrets. By that I mean, if there are aspects of his character that you'd need / want to keep secret from your friends and family, then it's time to walk away. That would apply as well, if you choose to date women.

I'll check into resources for young autistic women your age, and let you know what I come up with.

It's what another women who has Asperger's called herself towards me once. She was bright but totally unable to get any emotions at all from eye contact. And it is what I noticed of another incredibly pretty and totally bright Asperger girl in a disco once. I have never seen any other girl that helpless and strange behaving like she was doing there. You can be brighter then 99,9 percent of the people but totally clueless once it comes to people. Beside of this I wrote 'you can guess it a bit.' and not that she needs for sure to be that way. What I wrote is just because of things that I have seen.





She is catholic? Hell no! May be she needs rather tips which ensure her keeping her virginity then ...
E.g. listen to this https://laughingsquid.com/the-loophole- ... and-oates/

^^^ As far as I noticed it's quite normal for most NT girls but rarely for girls with Asperger's.
May be you know better ways to get in touch to the guy you want.

OI!
You already have two guys lined up.
We don't need a fourth wheel.

Everything in this. And especially don't be afraid to ask someone out or stand up for yourself.

If you can't ask someone out, then tell your/their friends you really like them, and be really nice to that person and touch them on the arm.