Confidence for pictures (online dating advice)

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Hello~
I have a particular problem and am hoping to find help/advice from those who may be able to relate but have overcome this (although general advice from anyone is welcome) -
Intro: I am not a very social person and have a lot of difficulty broadening my horizons. I know a lot of people say you should join groups/clubs for your interests but they are difficult to find and still center around small groups where your social circle isn't particularly widened; also, it's nerve-wracking for me to meet new people on my own so it's hard to even try a group. SO that brings me to the point: that in order to seek out a meaningful relationship I would like to try online dating. I have settle on OK Cupid for some time now, but have never completed registration because of one pressing issue:

pictures.

I am extremely camera shy and hate having my picture taken. I also find the act of taking selfies very anxiety/cringe-inducing to the point that I can't confidently take a picture. The few recent selfies I've taken in my life are 3-4 years old at this point and I would feel disingenuous using them on a profile.

Does anyone have experience with this problem? Any advice for how to get through it? I know the 'easy' answer is "just shut up and take a selfie" so if that's your reply, I'll save your fingers the trouble and ask that you don't bother typing that out

Thanks for taking the time to help me with my troubles~

The camera just takes pictures. But be aware that people have empathy and may perceive your feelings towards the camera as feelings towards them. Any negative expectations towards your camera do mirror in your face and are received by the one who looks at the pictures as negative expectations towards him and for this as a rejection. You may even totally dislike yourself in the pictures then. Once you learn to like the camera and the one who takes the pictures then your looks in the pictures become immediately incredibly nicer. It's the same once you are looking at people in real life. Do always keep a good mood and try to prevent negative expectations towards them.

May be you should imagine me being behind your camera. Then be nice to me and give me your cutest smile .

Last edited by quite an extreme on 07 Jun 2020, 4:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Thank you for the unique perspective! I've never thought of trying to personify the camera but I can practice thinking that way for sure

Another thing is that if you are looking directly into the lens than you are looking on the photo direct in the eyes of the one who watches the photo. A positive emotion of you towards the camera may cause him to feel kind of the same towards you then. Just like watching in the eyes of people in real life.

When I was your age and younger I gave the middle finger in every picture taken of me. Or did something else intentional so the photographer would change their mind about shooting me. I hated the whole experience but eventually outgrew it.

Try setting your camera to take many successive shots - you're more likely to find one that you like. Or post an image of a pet or something - I've seen that before, but it might decrease your responses.

Do you think it might help to take pictures of yourself before you even attempt to sign up for the website? Maybe you could take time to try to desensitize yourself to taking them, while not having to worry about them being put anywhere. If you don't like them you can easily just delete them, and it might also help you find angles you're more comfortable with so you have more experience when you do go to put a picture up.

I hope this isn't in the same category as "Just take a picture!", but I have similar issues and I noticed the more I take pictures of myself the less anxiety inducing/awkward it is, and the more I like the pictures I take as I've figured out what I'm comfortable doing in them.

You don’t have to have pictures, but it’ll limit you and if you message people eventually they want to see what you look like.

I say just don’t worry about how you look in the pictures.
My sister will take 200 pictures just get one perfect one. It’s annoying.

What kind of guy or relationship are you seeking?

Do you have any pictures with famous people, places, or things? I do and use them. It also might help screen for common interests when it comes to other fans of celebs in your pics

I was kicked off OK Cupid after a week and while I never figured out why I think it was because my picture was of something other than me. Now I'm afraid to sign up again in case they think I'm trying to scam people.

Thank you so much everyone for all of the helpful responses! I appreciate it so much. I'm going to try to keep my replies on this post so I don't spam the thread.

Haha I appreciate your rebelliousness (I couldn't get away w/ the middle finger but I 100% understand the feeling) - I like the idea of taking successive shots, and I've been tempted many a time to post a pic of my cat but I understand, like you said, it can hurt other's desires to connect.


I didn't take it that way at all! I do think practicing will help a lot - it may seem like an obvious solution but it wasn't to me, so your input really helped! P.S. I love your Wind Waker avatar (I think it's Wind Waker? sorry if I'm wrong I main Toon Link in Smash)


I agree, I know it will hurt my chances of connecting if people don't have pictures of me - thank you for the encouragement! I agree that I need to get to a point where I don't care - usually in life, that's my motto (essentially that I am who/what I am and I believe in being up front about that so people know what they're getting with me). I'm seeking a serious (hopefully long-term) relationship, but admittedly I have no experience so it will be tough but I'd like to at least try! Thank you again for the advice.


Haha that would likely help but unfortunately not - the camera shyness combined with not traveling means there's not much of me out there (even from family) but I appreciate the suggestion! I will try to be conscientious to try to take a picture if I'm ever somewhere really neat though.


I'm really sorry that happened I've never even tried online dating but I guess I settled on OK Cupid because it was frequently recommended as a top pick for dating sites for shy people but I'll be mindful of their functionality. Thank you for telling me about that, since that definitely means I need to have a picture of myself. I hope you are able to get a new account (have you thought about contacting customer service via email? I know it can be nervewracking but better than the phone).

Thank you again, everyone! I will try to put your advice to practice

If you’re up for long distance there’s plenty of nice single aspie guys on wp.

I'm glad my input was helpful, and good luck with online dating!

Also, yes! It's Toon Link. I main him in Smash too, he's pretty fun to use.

You could do a photoshoot session with your cat? It might be more relaxing to focus on interacting with the cat instead of the camera. And a lot of people like animals, so a pic of you with your cat could draw other people who like or have cats.

"just shut up and take a selfie"
I didn't type it out,
I did a copy and paste.

Do you have trouble with other people taking your picture?

Perhaps a bottle of wine might help.

I always hated getting my pic taken but I never tried to overcome the hatred. I just accepted that certain times it needs to be done & I bite the bullet so to speak. Most of the times my pic was taken it was by others like school pictures, family pictures, or selfies my girlfriend wanted to take with me. Getting my pic taken is like getting a shot. Some people can handle shots just fine & don't even flinch but others cant stand the pain. There are times people need shots even if they cant deal with the pain. The more someone fights & struggles to resist a shot, the worse the experience for them gets. It's much better for someone getting a shot to cooperate & try to relax as best they can so it will be over with quicker & the person will have less pain even thou it my be far from painless. It's pretty common for people on the spectrum to have problems getting their pic taken but I'm not sure how others deal with it. I will suggest thou that perhaps you could try getting someone skilled with a camera to take your pic like a relative, friend or even a professional. Someone who's good with a camera will be able to take a more flattering photo. You would still hate the process & you may still hate the pic but at least you'd have some better quality photos to use.