Flirting when you’re getting to know someone

Post Reply New Topic

This has been on my mind lately. Whenever there’s a girl I’m talking to and I don’t know if they like me the same way I like them, I tend to hold back on verbally making it clear that I’m into them. An example of this is when I went and had a second hangout/date with a girl back in late February(things didn’t go so well after this). She was telling me about this upcoming trip of hers and that she was gonna be wearing a mask on the plane and that she doesn’t care how ugly she looks. Looking back on that, I feel like it may have been more appropriate than inappropriate for me to say “I don’t think you’re ever ugly” for the sake of getting a connection going.

Idk how to describe why I have these thoughts other than that I see/hear things that make me believe that, at least depending on the girl, this would be ok. I could always straight up ask someone if they want to “hang out” some time. In fact, that’s what I did with this particular girl. I’m just often times afraid of things becoming awkward if she says no. I’ll usually just do things like take opportunities to talk to them, find them on social media after it gets to that point, make an effort to talk to them and back off if/when they show obvious signs of not being interested. I just now feel like that if I’m ever hanging out with a girl I like, I shouldn’t be afraid to get a little flirty.

Thoughts, anyone?

That would have been good to say “you’re never ugly.”

POSTED IN WRONG FORUM!

Last edited by Benjamin the Donkey on 07 Jul 2020, 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Um, did you mean to post this somewhere else?

Yes!

Haha!

I believe this was the correct subforum for this thread.

It’s about ways to maintain a relationship. Do you, or don’t you, overtly flirt?

There's been a few times where I've hit on girls, but all those times I never straight up asked them on a date. I don't think I've ever(successfuly)done both before. When I am talking to a girl I feel like I have a chance with however, I usually don't say stuff like "you're beautiful". My plan has always been to casually talk to them and then if things are going well I ask them if they want to hang out. I've had a few online dating matches recently who have blown me off before the appropriate time came for me to do that. The most recent one blew me off after I asked if she wanted to video chat.

Just have a conversation with them.....you don’t have to flirt.

Then ask her out for coffee or something.

It doesn’t matter wether you’re flirty or not - what really matters is whether she likes you or not.
It’s not your flirty way that is gonna make her to like you.
And when one likes you, you WILL KNOW IT.

As I explained in that thread:

viewtopic.php?t=387442

You can mention an event you are planning to attend or a place you regularly go to such as a coffee shop, and if the girl wants to be invited to an informal date with you, she will express interest in the place and the event.. at that point you have to ask her if she wants to go there and offer to send her a text message if she gives you her phone number..

I recommend at your age to invest into dressing better and do things that improve your health and happiness such as food, exercise, massage, nature, showers, meditation, and maybe hobbies for stress relief. You want to call down your amygdala and make it happier. Your improved biology will make interactions with women go better. You cannot think your way into flirting. If you feel like crap and your brain isn’t working and your biology doesn’t shine - it may backfire as coming off as a strange person or creepy.

Unless you feel good and healthy, being flirty can back fire. Just because girls can do it, doesn’t mean us aspies can do it successfully.

Your best bet is to think what you want to know about the girl (without crossing personal boundaries that would make her uncomfortable), and ask her. Try to find out more information about things she is interested in so you can relate to what she likes about them.

One time a girl mentioned east coast swing dancing that she does and I did not understand what that meant about her until I attended that kind of dance lesson.

I think it depends. Now, I can only speak anecdotally on this one and I know that this might be a rather unusual case, but I'd like to mention it anyway. I know two autistic guys that are complete opposites of one another.

The first one is impulsive, has obsessions and is disorganised (he seems to have some difficulty with executive functioning). He also has ADHD. Now, he flirts with almost everyone. He's the most extroverted autistic guy I've ever met. Frankly, I think he's probably the most extroverted person I've met in general for that matter. I'd say he's been fairly successful with flirting considering he's either dating or has dated the majority of my friendship group.

Usually issues start arising when he tries to date in a monogamous long-term situation, so he tends to date a bunch of people casually. He does struggle socially, but I'd say that it's more subtle than you might perhaps expect and only really becomes more obvious as you get to know him. I get the sense that even though he is outgoing, he is emotionally guarded and his impulsiveness can backfire sometimes.

As for the other guy, he's much more introverted and isn't really the type to flirt with others.

You must be some expert scientist to know this stuff. I for one, am interested in how the heck a guys attractiveness diminishes when they’re more of a couch potato. Working out is the only thing I can think of that I’ve always known for sure helps your attractiveness.

Well it is hormonal. And changes the brain too. The working out is not just visual but hormonal effect. It won’t make you as good as NTs though.

Flirting at work is a good way to get to visit your company's Human Resource Department.

I’ve had girlfriends from my job.

It’s risky—but it can be done. People meet at work, and get married sometimes. But it can turn tragic, too.

Make sure the person is not in your department, though. Under the same chain of command as you.