Got a date next weeekend, scared

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Joined: 12 Jul 2011
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 386
Location: Essex, UK

08 Aug 2020, 9:33 am

Been talking to a girl on POF for a while, and have arranged to meet for drinks next saturday. She seems very nice, slightly introverted and we have a lot in common, but Im just really scared of putting myself out there and getting rejected again.

I have anxiety issues and meeting someone for the first time is always horrible for me. Lost count of the amount of people in the past that were interested while we were texting but disappeared after we met. Every time it happens it chips away another piece of my self esteem. The only people who seem to stick around seem to be the kind of people that want someone vulnerable to abuse to make themselves feel better. My ex was diagnosed with BPD and was very abusive once she knew i was emotionally attached to her, used to put me down and tell me no one else would put up with me, i think ive internalised that to a degree and its making the process of meeting someone new even more difficult than it was before.

All i want is someone nice to settle down with, never thought id be this age and still alone.

Sorry, just wanted to vent and get my feelings out in words. Dont really know what im expecting people to say but if you have any comments/advice feel free.

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Oh_no_its_Ferris
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08 Aug 2020, 9:51 am

Is your ex a member here ?

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roccoslife
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08 Aug 2020, 10:44 am

Oh_no_its_Ferris wrote:

Is your ex a member here ?

no that came afterwards and was not romantic if im correct in what you are refering to

_________________
ADHD and mild ASD
30 AQ
Your Aspie score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

envirozentinel
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08 Aug 2020, 10:48 am

It's not easy, but might work out this time. The past is past - have different expectations this time and don't compare it to past experiences.

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Oh_no_its_Ferris
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08 Aug 2020, 10:52 am

roccoslife wrote:

Oh_no_its_Ferris wrote:

Is your ex a member here ?

no that came afterwards and was not romantic if im correct in what you are refering to

What I was getting at was: if the ex you referred to in your OP is a member here it would be prudent if you didn't air your dirty laundry here.

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roccoslife
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Joined: 12 Jul 2011
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08 Aug 2020, 10:53 am

Oh_no_its_Ferris wrote:

roccoslife wrote:

Oh_no_its_Ferris wrote:

Is your ex a member here ?

no that came afterwards and was not romantic if im correct in what you are refering to

What I was getting at was: if the ex you referred to in your OP is a member here it would be prudent if you didn't air your dirty laundry.

Yep I picked up on that, but shes not so its all good

_________________
ADHD and mild ASD
30 AQ
Your Aspie score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

Oh_no_its_Ferris
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08 Aug 2020, 10:55 am

roccoslife wrote:

Oh_no_its_Ferris wrote:

roccoslife wrote:

Oh_no_its_Ferris wrote:

Is your ex a member here ?

no that came afterwards and was not romantic if im correct in what you are refering to

What I was getting at was: if the ex you referred to in your OP is a member here it would be prudent if you didn't air your dirty laundry.

Yep I picked up on that, but shes not so its all good

sweet , as you were :lol:

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AuroraBorealisGazer
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08 Aug 2020, 9:08 pm

roccoslife wrote:

Since you two have talked for a while prior, have you discussed your past and your worries about the date? I've found it's best to be up front and speak your mind so that the other person doesn't misinterpret anything. This should also help relieve some of the stress. Most importantly, be yourself and don't create any expectations, just let it happen and try to enjoy your time together.

cyberdad
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08 Aug 2020, 9:38 pm

roccoslife wrote:

To the OP, if you are serious about settling down and finding somebody special then you will need to be brave, take a deep breath and take the plunge. Stay motivated and focus on your future. There is no benefit to you on dwelling on your past or your ex.

idntonkw
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08 Aug 2020, 10:37 pm

Sounds like you will do well, from what you have said so far. Girls are interested in boys. Just being a boy and showing up may be enough?

eyelessshiver
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10 Aug 2020, 2:07 pm

I found it helps to talk on the phone first, at least a couple times, before the first date. It just means there's a better chance it'll work out, since you'll already feel comfortable making conversation and will have gotten to know each other a bit in a non-text way.

Brehus
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11 Aug 2020, 2:31 pm

roccoslife wrote:

Just be yourself I suffer from GAD runs in the family on my mom's side. and I use to be very introverted and scared of failure.The thing about anxiety is to remember it can cause you to be so scared of failing that you will fail by not even trying at all you can not let it win by being scared of failure.
I found a drug called Phenibut it is a strong PTSD anxiety drug it got rid of my social anxiety and allowed me to take control of GAD in many countries phenibut is sold OTC or a supplement.

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roccoslife
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Joined: 12 Jul 2011
Age: 41
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Location: Essex, UK

12 Aug 2020, 5:06 am

Brehus wrote:

roccoslife wrote:

Hi thanks for the advice. Ive tried phenibut before int he past and it was very effective, I really do not want to become dependant on it though. Having become dependant on and recovered from benzodiazipines in the past its not something I ever want to experience again, and i hear the withdrawals from phenibut are very similar. Its also pretty hard to source in the UK nowadays, as its now a scheduled substance I think. Cant buy it online from supplement stores anymore anyway.

_________________
ADHD and mild ASD
30 AQ
Your Aspie score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 107 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

Brehus
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Joined: 27 Dec 2019
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 322

12 Aug 2020, 2:44 pm

roccoslife wrote:

Brehus wrote:

roccoslife wrote:

I am sorry you can no longer get it.
as for becoming dependent if you take atleast two days off in a row every week dependency doesn't form. Generally it is best to take it mon wed and fri. I have been taking it for years and can vouch this is the case.

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Freedom is the sovereign right of every American. Death is a preferable alternative to communism

Democracy is freedom, Communism is tyranny

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