This may sound silly, but how do you ask someone out?

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Butterfly
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12 Aug 2020, 3:40 am

I'v never understood how people just...start dating. Like what do they even say that makes them a couple? Or how do they convey the fact that they like the other person directly to them? How does that even come up? Do they just say "I like you" and hope for the best?

Any time I like a girl, I never know how to tell them and so it ends up fizzling out as nothing more than just a friendship.


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kraftiekortie
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12 Aug 2020, 11:36 am

You can ask a girl if she wants to “go out for coffee.”

Neither of you has to actually order coffee.

You can talk about most things with women that you talk about with guys.

Avoid politics, sex, gender issues, religion when you first meet someone.



The_Face_of_Boo
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12 Aug 2020, 11:52 am

"Ma'am, get out of here."



that1weirdgrrrl
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12 Aug 2020, 12:24 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You can ask a girl if she wants to “go out for coffee.”

Neither of you has to actually order coffee.

You can talk about most things with women that you talk about with guys.

Avoid politics, sex, gender issues, religion when you first meet someone.


This.

Asking someone to be your girlfriend usually comes after you have been hanging out for a while together, or dating each other for a while.

If she keeps saying yes to hanging out with you or asking you to hang out with her all the time, and you still like her after hanging out a lot, then you could ask her to be your gf.

Some couples just default to bf/gf because they always want to hang out with each other, but it's okay to make it "official," too.


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eyelessshiver
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14 Aug 2020, 11:51 am

BF/GF is one of those subjective terms. Usually it implies something serious and exclusive. But you can be "dating" someone and have them not be your BF or GF. This is a more casual state to be in. Generally you wouldn't refer to someone as BF or GF if it hasn't become serious and exclusive yet (this would be presumptuous).

I've definitely had dates that went nowhere, sometimes multiple of them. But it was kind of understood these were dates because we had arranged to hang out, and there was no caveat of "just friends".

Assuming both are single, I think if you haven't identified this is "just as friends", then the presumption is to explore the possibility for something more than that. This will just go without saying if you're spending time with someone of the opposite sex.

As for that exploration...it can either go places or it can't. Usually one or both people will pursue more contact. And then it's up to the other person to reciprocate. If there is reciprocation, there will eventually be more and more physical contact...starts with a hug, moves towards holding hands, then a kiss, etc. It'll just be clear when things have taken on a more romantic tone.

Often much of this can be felt out in a first date. If the date just ends with a handshake or a wave, but not a hug...this may very well be a dead end, but still worth trying a second date to make sure. If it ends with say a hug, this opens up possibilities. If it ends with a kiss and there seems to be mutual enjoyment, this is likely leading somewhere. Holding hands is maybe intermediate between hugging and kissing.

Now if you're friends first, this is different...because there has been no clear romantic intent introduced (yet). The transition into dating would probably have to happen with a conversation that directly addresses the romantic possibility. Something vague like "we can go out for coffee sometime" might get the message across. But maybe you're friendly and already do stuff like that. So maybe you've already even started to go in that direction without acknowledging it. Then it's time to either try the hugs, kisses, holding hands stuff...or to ask questions about the possibility for romance, etc. Like "I'm interested in you romantically, do you feel any interest?". Etc.