dorkseid wrote:
My ex-fiance abused me psychologically. She told me that other women say I'm ugly and gross, and also gas lighted me like the time she claimed her relatives overheard me give an inaccurate DOB to the police after an accident. I wasn't attracted to her, but she was the only woman who had ever wanted to date me so I settled out of desperation. She broke up with me over the phone in a very cruel manner when I was going through a very difficult time. I fell into a deep depression and considered suicide because I realized no other woman would ever want to be with me. My mother promised me that things would get better if just them some time to. That all happened 11 years ago, and nothing has gotten better. I have not been in any relationship even once in those 11 years. I've only been intimate with a woman once in my life, and I ended up with two STIs. On the few rare occasions that I met a woman I liked who wasn't already taken, they insisted that they were uninterested or only wanted to be friends. All this went on as I watched everyone else around me; everyone I grew with, went to school with, or worked with all getting married and starting families while I just kept wondering what's wrong with me. My two sisters, both younger than me, are married and have 3 and 4 children respectively. So are all my friends from high school and university. I've had several women on social media tell me about how they feel turned off by men who are socially awkward like me. And now I'm almost 40 and still trapped in this cycle of rejection. Its impossible for any woman to ever love me, because of a condition that I neither asked for nor have any control over; because I was born defective.
Women want a man who is confident and feels good about himself. A low self-esteem is a big turn off but you can improve it by changing how you think. You say you were born defective. I'm guessing you think that because of social difficulties. Would you tell a friend or relative who told you he was socially awkward that he's defective or would you think that's an overgeneralization because everyone has flaws and his weaknesses are only part of who he is as a person? If a friend or relative told you, "no other woman would ever want to be with me" would you say, "That's right. You're a loser." or would you say, "You can't possibly know that because you can't predict the future." One thing that helped me was focusing on the facts (social difficulties, trouble finding women) and telling myself that everyone has problems, no one is perfect. Then, focus on what you can do about them. Your thinking affects how you feel so focusing on something positive will help you feel better and make your life less stressful. It will also make women more attracted to you. In the meantime, it helps to learn to be content without a woman since being desperate or needy is another big turn off. Talking to people, being yourself, and finding activities with other people you enjoy can help you be more content being single and improve your social skills which will make dating easier.
24 Aug 2020, 11:20 am
