Anyone terrified of being alone for the rest of their life?

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I'm a 35 year old virgin male. I desire a lifelong romantic partner but it's just hasn't happened for me. It terrifies me that I may very well end up alone for the rest of my life. Does anyone else share this fear and what do you say to yourself that brings you comfort?

Yes, there are other people who feel the same.
It doesn't bother me, though.
Having a partner means a lot of compromises.

Not everyone is designed to have a significant other in their life. I am one of them.
You can still have good friends, though.

That was my position at 30 years old. I told my therapist that I accepted that fear as a fact. He said that it was the best thing that I could do. I also never stopped looking for a significant other though. I got married 3 years later. He was just like me. I thought I was the only one who felt like a bottom-of-the-barrel-nobody. It was the VERY first time that another person genuinely cared about me other than my mother. I could've married him sooner but I had trust issues and wanted to delay marriage (just in case I was hallucinating). We're still together 30 years later. Nowadays I accepted the fact that he could leave me or it is possible that he could die before me. We all just have to take life as it comes. Just live your life and don't set goals that are out of your control. Pray a lot. Believe in God. Without God, there isn't much more. Just yesterday, I said the same thing to my own daughter who is only 21 and already she is feeling the sting of what we all talk about and go through - it hurts even more to hear it from your kid - because you know the feeling yourself. You feel as though your very DNA is to blame - this is where prayer helps. A person can always start a support group for those who feel this way - I don't know how but I'd imagine it to be a do-able thing (at least after Covid-19 is controlled).

Last edited by RightGalaxy on 05 Sep 2020, 7:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

trust me, there are far FAR worse things than being alone.

^ Agree.

Being alone means having a freedom that others dream of having.

Having a partner can also be lonely.

almost nothing more alone-feeling than being trapped with a totally dissimilar and unsympathetic person.

Absolutely.

That is how I see it. also.

The question you should be asking is WHY are you alone? And then when you figure that out, you can start making some steps to fix the issues that might be preventing you from finding a partner.

At your age, you should definitely be living on your own and have a full-time job with a steady income. At your age, many women are looking to settle down and don't want to handle a man who doesn't have his life together. So if this is the issue, then fix that first.

Another thing is actually putting yourself in a position to meet women. You're not college-aged anymore so college groups are out. Look for groups and activities that are out in the community which you can join, especially if they're people around your age. You can also try reaching out to people at work and see if they want to get together.


Just understand one thing. Nobody is going to find a partner for you. They may give you advice and give you tips, but nobody is convince you to put in the effort and put yourself out there, you have to do that yourself. Otherwise, you will never find anybody. You're not a hot girl who can simply wait for Prince Charming to come talk to you first and put in all the effort.

First off, the only reason you're telling him to enjoy being single is because you've already had a girlfriend and had dating experience when this man clearly hasn't. There's a difference between being single and having dated before, and having no sort of dating experience whatsoever. If you were in his shoes, I guarantee that you'd be upset about being single too.


Second off, you're only telling him to enjoy being single because you're bitter. You're bitter because your last relationship didn't work out. Boo hoo, doesn't mean you should tell other people to say screw dating, when it's clear that they want a relationship. You're giving advice to people based on what YOU want, not on what they want.

I'm not terrified but I do feel a bit lonely sometimes.

Trust me, there are things much more worse than being trapped with a totally dissimilar and unsympathetic person. You could be a prisoner in a North-Korean concentration camp where you have almost nothing to eat, just a concrete floor as your bed and guards beat craps out of you every day.

I hope this helped.

Not terrified but it is a concern.

Not really, I'm way too good at this.

Yup.

I agree with the writer Neel Burton that "To be happy on our own is the last and highest form of freedom". And I have used the social void that the COVID crisis has created to tune into my inner vibes. Its a blessing in disguise.

However, I don't want solitude forever, and I long for a compatible companion. I haven't a clue how to go about it, but I know that time is running short.

Last edited by Romofan on 05 Sep 2020, 7:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.