Fine Line

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I wouldn't normally post this cos it used to be mostly Americans on here but seems to be quite a few of us Brits now...

On Corrie*, Geoff was obviously abusing Yasmin.

However, it's a fine line. With something like hitting your partner, the rule is obvious 'never hit your partner'. 'Never have sex without consent'.

But shouting, manipulating, stuff like that, is a fine line.

I don't think the rule should be 'never shout at your partner' cos your partner could twist and twist the knife in terms of manipulation then say 'you raised your voice to me, that's abuse'. Or you could get into a row and the partner accuse it being abuse just because you raised your voice.

But I do think that if someone is yelling at their partner all the time and their partner is always trying to do the right thing and they don't accept that it's the right thing, that could be abusive. It's certainly a sign they shouldn't be with that person.

It's a hard one for me. Esp considering stuff like autistic meltdowns - my meltdowns look like shouting and my mum calls my stepdad 'sulking' when he avoids meltdowns by going for a walk to calm down after a fight. Apparently sulking is another form of 'emotional abuse'.

* Unpopular opinion - he physically abused her when he forced her into that box.

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NT, here...Happily married to my beloved Aspie husband...I have a Bachelor's degree in Legal Studies and appx. one decade of experience in the legal profession...I specialized in Civil Litigation...I admit i never worked with criminal matters...But i do know a thing or two...

Technically speaking you do not have to touch someone in order for such an action to be considered 'assault' from the legal stand-point...If you raise your hand in a threatening manner, and the other person feels apprehended, it is sufficient for criminal charges...If you touch the other person--not necessarily with your hands--with the intent to hurt, it is battery...And charges can be brought against you...

I do understand how easy things can get out of control and even violent when one is at our emotional peak...I saw this happen often in the legal profession...So, please try to get your emotions under control...To avoid meltdowns as much as possible...

And of course the above scenario is hypothetical...Best wishes to you and your family...

I don't know about nowadays but my mother's cousin in Canada used to watch that in the 60s, so also Canadians I suppose.

Despite posting in here, I don't think I'm emotionally mature enough to have a relationship - mostly in terms of how easy in the past I've been taken advantage of. And I'm no longer at an emotionally similar stage with NTs my own age so either I'd have to cradle snatch or be in a situation where they had a big 'gap' emotionally between us.

But I see these patterns within my own family.

When I have my own meltdowns, I yell at people until I'm on my own. Which is why I try to reduce them by 1 getting rid of sensory over-stimulation in my life and 2 getting out to somewhere where I'm all alone when this does happen. 3 is a step I need to do which is - tell mum it's over-stimulation so the rubbing she does of my back during its build-up is a bad idea.

When it comes to meltdowns I don't think it's someone's fault. I think the best someone can do is to see it like me and figure out the triggers for it and avoid it then get somewhere safe (alone) when one feels one coming on until it passes.

I don't think shouting is abuse tbh. My parents do it whenever they're cross at each other - which isn't very often. Even name calling. It's not 'ideal relationship behaviour' but nobody/no marriage is perfect. I think it's more common than not.

I think it gets abusive if someone comes in every day from work, yells at their partner. If they're doing that then the only thing they can do is split up. And if it's one sided it's abusive. If it's two sided then it's simply that they're a very bad match for each other.

My mum was strongly against hitting when I was a kid (it was the norm to hit your kid). If I was naughty, she shouted at me instead, telling me not to do whatever I did.

I think other parts of the relationship on Corrie were abusive - don't take control of your partner's finances without informed consent, don't lock up your partner, don't isolate your partner from their family and friends, don't lie to your partner and tell them they're ill - but some of it - don't yell at your partner, don't cheat on your partner - is more 'ideal behaviour is not to do that' rather than 'this is abuse'.

If yelling at your partner counted as abuse then nearly everyone would be in an abusive relationship as soon as the honeymoon period wore off and the first argument was had.

Also the show are being hypocrites cos whenever characters have a row, they shout.

The alternative would be stupid. Talking to each other about being cheated on in quiet, calm tones? That would actually be pretty menacing.

Relationships have emotion in them - both good and bad, just it's important to find the relationship where the good outweighs the bad.

Some soap operas seem to have given themselves a 'contemporary social education' role, but unfortunately they're terrible at it. The stories are very predictable and lack any real depth or complexity and it's really obvious when they're being preachy.

Drama aimed at kids was even worse back when I was in target range (Grange Hill and Byker Grove, for example). I can't imagine their modern equivalents are any better.

Everyone who thinks shouting is always abusive that I've found online recommends walking out when things get heated.

Mum calls this 'running away from an argument' and 'cowardly' when my stepdad does it.

I don't get it. Personally I really don't think it's abusive in and of itself.

If I was in a relationship or friendship, I would much rather they walked away than shouting. That's what I try to do myself when I get angry.

In NY State, an “assault” has to be completed to be called “assault.” Equivalent to “battery” in other states of the US.

What is “assault” in some states is “attempted assault” or “harassment” in NY State.

“Assault and battery” is common in many states.

“Verbal assault” would mostly be “harassment” in NY State—though we also have “menacing” to cover using threatening language. Harassment is a violation. Menacing is a misdemeanor.

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Thank you for clarification...It is important to know that any threatening conduct is taken seriously by authorities...