Women would you scold a guy for "not being on your team"?

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I just read an letter in "Ask Amy" in which a young man stayed alone at his GF's mother's house and learned that the mother had a new BF but she told him to not tell his GF because she (the mother) wanted to do so herself. When the GF found out, she was furious he'd kept the secret and scolded him for "not being on her team". Seems such an NT thing to do. Would you act the same in that situation?

I don't know what you mean. What team?

I probably wouldn't be in that situation to begin with since the girlfriend's attitude indicates there are probably other personality defects which render her unsuitable for a peaceful long term relationship.
Anyway, to directly answer the question, when asked to respect the mother's desire and personal agency and let her tell about her boyfriend, it is respectful to respect that and that is what I would have done.

Last edited by kitesandtrainsandcats on 20 Mar 2021, 9:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ah, mother asked daughter's boyfriend to not divulge the info? I get it now. The issue is between the mother and the daughter. The boyfriend did nothing wrong by respecting the wishes of his ... landlord? Does he live there?

No he just stayed their overnight for some reason. The point being it was just him and the mother, and I suppose the mother's new boyfriend.

I wouldn't be angry with my boyfriend in this situation unless there was more to the the story or some history to take into account.

Or maybe he is the mother's new boyfriend, I could see being angry in that situation

Either way - whatever. It's commendable that he respected her wishes. It sounds like the girlfriend put him in a "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. If he had told his girlfriend and upset the mother, it would also be a problem because the girlfriend would eventually fault him, for upsetting her mother. Stranger things have happened.

It's always good to make nice with the inlaws.

Loyalty involves no lies. f**k anyone up for me but if you lie to me, off with your head. No in-between.

My seat does not include my family, you see it's still just me. If you hurt my close ones it might be bad but it's worse if you hurt me cause I'm only me. Choose your ranking wisely.

You can't cheat on me with my bestfriend just because they've been wanting it and they've been good to me.

For your white lie you will pay in red.

So family business is difficult. You were involved by chance, no fault in that. But how you get out of it or if you complicate things for me and the way you make me feel matters. It was only a matter of time however you risked and got unlucky because I found out and the consequences are only deserved. Since you're with me I decide how to proceed and react. I have to consider you took me for a fool because you thought I wouldn't find out, and it's proven I'm very good even at temporary lies, that's not very bright of you.

Question, how did she find out? Even if she'd see her mom with her bf, how could she know her mom told him about her bf? Is he like always at home and in her business, therefore expected to know? Is she rarely at home? They don't seem too together, to say so, unless she's been at her workplace.

I have said, "But I thought it was supposed to be a surprise" in similar situations.

Then you run into someone like my ex-wife, who demanded that I throw a surprise birthday party for her, and then berated me for not warning her of the surprise.