"Thank you for a wonderful first date"

Post Reply New Topic

I got a lucky break on an online dating site. A woman messaged me first, which surprised me, but she was a confident woman and apparently liked what she saw on my profile. After much back-and-forth online, we established a rhythm of talking on the phone every day, and that progressed to video-chat.

Then at last (both having been vaccinated against COVID-19), we met on a Saturday morning at a quiet little resort with plenty of walking trails and a nice cafe. We spent SIX HOURS walking, talking, and that rather quickly progressed to making out which consumed just about all of our time together. The pandemic, being stuck at home so long made both of us exceptionally eager and passionate. We made out like it was 2019, not 2021. At the end, I told her it was like four dates rolled into one, but she demurred, insisting it was just the first date.

The next day, we talked just briefly on the phone. She seemed busy and promised to call back later, but didn't. I texted her, but she didn't respond. That is when I began to feel anxiety! Whenever I think that things are going well with someone, usually I'm mistaken and something is going on that I don't know about, because they won't tell me!

The next day, I called at our usual time, but she didn't answer, my call went to voicemail. I could not understand why she was being distant, when we had gotten into the habit of talking on the phone every day. She didn't return the call, but did text me the next day.

Day after that, I called her at our usual time and again the call went to voicemail. I began researching online "ghosting" and wondering if this is some kind of pattern in online dating, if I was being played for a chump. I do not have much experience really. I felt like she had already rejected me at this point, things were over for some strange reason known only to her.

I SHOULD have chilled out and stayed offline and just waited for HER to call. That's what I SHOULD have done. But no. I typed a peevish remark on the messenger: "Too busy to answer my call--again?"

Danger! Danger!

She must have got that on her phone, because she called right away from her SUV while she was driving, and was livid! She interrogated me on why I had changed my online name (long story) and said she was busy and didn't have time for a "needy" relationship. I was surprised how angry she was.

She, socially adroit and aware, a high-functioning neurotypical, and here I am, with no friends and less social skills and precious little dating experience, and she just cut me up left, right and center. She broke up with me early the next morning, online, but at least gave praise. "Even though I do like you..." and "Thank you for a wonderful first date..."

But really, she WAS distancing herself after that first date. My theory is judged me unsuitable as a serious boyfriend, because 1. I live 50 miles away, and 2. She makes at least TWICE as much money as I do, from renting out home and working a great job. She wants to travel the world and live that glamorous lifestyle that so many women seem to mention on their profiles.

In retrospect, I should have stayed offline and just chilled. I got carried away--euphemism for Aspy meltdown?--I just could not think clearly. The main problem I have with dating is if I like someone, I really like them, like right away, fast as a flame! If I don't, probably never will. Either all-in right away or never-ever. Is that weird?

Women seem much more objective and rational about dating, I envy that. I would like to NEVER feel love again. So cool!

At any rate I continue living alone with no one to date. I am using my free time to get in better shape and improve my competitiveness My goal is to become really fit, like an athlete even, a fine physical specimen, and maybe, just maybe, the next woman will be more tolerant of my occasional missteps.

It is so familiar, I stopped to believe in love after such deceptions. It's getting harder to trust people.

When I go on a date with someone (though it’s been a while), regardless of whether a second date happens, I call her and say thank you for meeting.

You shouldn't say "thank you for meeting me." You should say, "I really enjoyed your company today."

What she did wasn't right and I don't care if others do it. If she had no further interest she should have told you the next day instead of ghosting you. If she needed more time to think she should have said she needed more time to think.

What if you were legitimately worried that something happened to her when she didn't speak with you at the usual time day after day?

I dealt with someone like that recently. No, it didn't work out either.

They behave like that (distant and quick to anger) when they find another guy they like more and start to find the slightest excuse to exit, like your text. It means they no longer love you, but instead of breaking up with you right away they wait a bit longer until you make some “mistake” to use it as an excuse for breakup.

I bet the fact that you sent this text is because your instinct told you she had been distancing lately.

I highly doubt that your text or your “neediness” was the real reason of break up.

I bet with 99% certainty that she got someone else.