02 May 2021, 2:37 pm
02 May 2021, 2:52 pm
I waited - because my ex wanted to wait. Turns out he was gay, but that's another story lol.
My daughter's best friend just got married. She and the groom both waited. They had a two year platonic courtship but now they're very much enjoying their honeymoon. 
02 May 2021, 2:54 pm
funeralxempire
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02 May 2021, 2:54 pm
OutsideView
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02 May 2021, 3:03 pm
02 May 2021, 3:14 pm
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex. 
02 May 2021, 3:27 pm
funeralxempire
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02 May 2021, 3:35 pm
02 May 2021, 3:38 pm
02 May 2021, 4:29 pm
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
Sorry, I don't want this to come across as if I'm picking on you; you're statement simply provides a reference point.
I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.
It would have been horribly unfortunate if I had discarded my husband based on our first experience. Thankfully I was wiser than that.
A lot of good information can be garnered from simple conversation. What is someone open to? What holds them back today that might not hold them back tomorrow? And so forth. Couples need to be able to talk about these things to have a solid and healthy intimate life, so why not do it first?
Waiting or not waiting can indicate far deeper differences in values, of course, which can be much more significant to a couples future. It is definitely something people need to be able to talk about.
Last edited by DW_a_mom on 02 May 2021, 4:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
funeralxempire
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02 May 2021, 4:32 pm
DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.
It's really not unfair for one to feel their efforts would be better invested else where. One is always entitled to make that decision for themselves. Why should someone feel obliged to keep investing in what they've already determined isn't a worthwhile investment?
02 May 2021, 4:39 pm
DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
Sorry, I don't want this to come across as if I'm picking on you; you're statement simply provides a reference point.
I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.
It would have been horribly unfortunate if I had discarded my husband based on our first experience. Thankfully I was wiser than that.
A lot of good information can be garnered from simple conversation. What is someone open to? What holds them back today that might not hold them back tomorrow? And so forth. Couples need to be able to talk about these things to have a solid and healthy intimate life, so why not do it first?
Not wanting to wait until marriage doesn't mean I'd have sex with someone once and then throw the relationship away if it doesn't work out that one time, nor that I don't care about having an intimate connection with someone in other ways. I don't really get where you got that assumption from, and I don't think it's unfair to want to be able to get used to sexual intimacy with someone and know their sexual needs + if they match yours before marriage.
02 May 2021, 4:41 pm
02 May 2021, 4:47 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.
It's really not unfair for one to feel their efforts would be better invested else where. One is always entitled to make that decision for themselves. Why should someone feel obliged to keep investing in what they've already determined isn't a worthwhile investment?
This is pretty much my point. I'd like to fully get to know someone before marriage since it's supposed to be a lifelong investment, and not just for my benefit, but also my partners. Plus, as an autistic person with intimacy problems and some past trauma I'd like that to involve getting used to sex w/ my partner, and seeing if we can both fulfill each other's needs and if we are actually comfortable with each other sexually. It's not really unfair for me to want that.
02 May 2021, 4:48 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
HeroOfHyrule wrote:
I picked "no" because I don't want to marry someone and then find out that we're sexually incompatible. Doesn't seem like a good idea to me.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I also don't know if I'd ever actually consider marrying someone, so if wanted to wait until then I'd probably never have sex.
I remember dating men who thought that way. I wasn't a "have to wait until marriage," but I still get frustrated and angry with the attitude of "testing." One simple reason: intimate relationships can and do develop, grow and change; so discarding someone because of one bad test run is foolish, unfair, and hurtful.
It's really not unfair for one to feel their efforts would be better invested else where. One is always entitled to make that decision for themselves. Why should someone feel obliged to keep investing in what they've already determined isn't a worthwhile investment?
Because odds are very good they are wrong. I'm not saying anyone is obligated, but I am saying you hurt yourself and your own prospects by making such a decision with limited data.
I'll be blunt: I was in a situation like that. Everything about when and how the first encounter happened was wrong, wrong, wrong. He moves away but years later comes through town, gets in touch, and we have lunch. He asks me about my life and I end up talking about my latest relationship which was, well, quite intense. He was shocked, confused, and sad. He had never considered how the circumstances might have affected our long ago encounter. I could see the regret on his face, but it was too late, we had taken very different paths by then.
It was really stupid that neither of us was smart enough to talk about it at the time. That we weren't comfortable enough to do so was probably indicative of why we might never have worked, anyway, but transfer all that into a more promising relationship and, well, it can be a large loss.
People need to know that intimacy evolves. Allow for that. It also isn't a constant; it has moods and variations.
02 May 2021, 4:56 pm
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