Do any of you choose to be permanently single?

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It is Valentine's Day and I ask any of you other aspies: Is it weird that I choose to be permanently single and do any of you choose that way as well? I've never had a serious relationship, I only dated one person back in 2006 and I know now for sure I felt no romantic feelings for that person. I haven't dated anyone ever since and I'm pushing 40 where I know no one is interested in dating me and I rather choose to be permanently single than not go through the trouble of looking for that special someone that doesn't exist.

No, it's not weird at all. Looking at relationships and marriage now I often wonder what the very distant past was like for men and women. Maybe your way is considered weird now, but who is to say it was always like that? All that matters is that you are happy.

No.

But at some point one has to give up.

I'm not sure if I'm choosing to be single permanently, but I'm certainly choosing to be single right now and I don't see that changing any time in the near future.

I say people should be free to make choices they will regret later, but I suspect the stubborn bunch can't really regret something they've never experienced.

I started watching Gentleman Jack which is set in the 1830s. It's based on a true story and it's about the first lesbian marriage in the UK. The social history and the scandal it caused highlights how wrong it is for people to be groomed into gender roles / an ideal of marriage from the time they're born. I think of all the men and women who were pushed / forced / conditioned to get married throughout history, and all the people who would have been much happier on their own if given today's values.


It's easy to imagine that a majority of marriages worldwide throughout history have been against the couple's true inclination or desire, whether because of sexual orientation, lack of choice, or a personal preference to be single. I think in the past marriages were necessary a) to control the spread of STI prior to antibiotics, b) because there was no birth control, and c) to provide domestic security to each partner and the children in a codependent relationship (e.g., man working, woman birthing / raising more little clones and propagating the species with future husbands and wives).

I would imagine most people throughout history weren't faithful and most weren't truly happy -- whether they knew it or not. Of course there are exceptions and I'm not trying to be negative about love. I believe in love -- but the societal pressure to grow up and get married has caused people to live their lives in pursuit of a partner just because "that's what people have to do".

It doesn't need to be that way.

^ We aren't talking strictly marriage here. The problem with this bunch is that they've never tried to have a relationship and instead retreat under an imaginary rock and draw rainbows of happiness on it while at the same time whining to a forum or a shrink.

You're right. I realise that. It's just that the show made me stop and think big picture -- lots of people likely didn't want to have partners at all (whether married or not --- it's just that people didn't date back then). I think a lot of those people throughout history would have been happier single if it wasn't so culturally-wrong.

People today are still flooded with the message that they need a partner. One of the worst movie lines ever, in my opinion, was "You complete me!" from Jerry MacGuire, which I think is rubbish. No one should be completed by anyone because we're all sovereign individuals.

Again I'm not bashing love or companionship. I understand many people want a partner for all the right reasons, and they feel like they're missing out when they can't meet anyone. I have sympathy for those people. In an ideal world everyone would have the opportunity for whatever they desire -- whether being in a relationship or not -- even just to know what it's like to experience love (or autonomy, if chosen). I agree relationships are a hell of a lot of work though, and absolutely nothing like what we're led to believe. I think it's even harder for autistic people because we have such an innate desire to be individuals or have downtime away from other people.

It's a "grass is always greener" situation, so I think it's hard for both sides to imagine what it's like for the other.

Absolutely not, in my case.

My perpetual inability to establish a romantic relationship is the source of much of my depression. I'm extremely discontented with the situation.

sometimes someone meets their future spouse after age forty.

however, it is also good to know when to continue trying and when to give up.

dating takes a lot of time, cash, and energy, that you might choose to spend/waste/invest on other activities.

every situation is different.

i am 38 with zero romantic prospects.

while that is not ideal, some things are just not worth the cost benefit analysis.