Going to fast. From the male perspective.

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We all know what going to fast is from a females eyes (getting pushy for sex obviously).

Over the last week I was wondering what going to fast from the male perspective is. I've been seeing this woman and she insists on going slow. By the second date she invited her family to see me and by the 4th uploaded a picture of me and her to Facebook, tagging me in it obviously without asking causing me to explain "she was just a friend" to my family. Now on the fifth date she recommended skydiving.


Am I alone in thinking she's going to fast? Seems a little quick to me that's for sure.

What is going to fast from a guys perspective?

I'm not a guy, so I hope you don't mind my comment, but skydiving? Do you want to go?

I can tell you about a similar stupid Facebook thing I did. I made a joke about being late for a date, I don't remember what I actually said, but it was funny. Thing is I knew it wasn't a date, but there had been a mix up and I thought of a funny thing to say about it and it was funnier if it was a date I was late for. I seek to entertain on social media.

I didn't think it would do any harm because the friend I was meeting up with and arrived late to see doesn't use social media, neither do any of our hipster friends, apart from one, but I'm not sure I was friends with her on Facebook at that point.

So me and friend hung out and he said to me as I was leaving that he didn't want to give the impression to anyone that we were "a thing" and then uninvited me from somewhere he had invited me to only an hour before. It was out of the blue, so I wonder if we did have a mutual friend on Facebook who saw my joke and texted him. Or maybe I was just very boring, I don't know.

Anyway, why make a stupid joke about a date? Well I wanted my family to think I'm normal and go on dates. I don't usually, I'm a weird aspie who no one is interested in. But my aunts were always asking, "have you met anyone yet?" I used to share photos of male friends to give the impression I was seeing people even though I wasn't. I don't care now and they've given up asking.

I wonder if this woman is keen to put on a face in front of her friends and family. Does she get much interest? When did she last go out with someone? Is she really getting too emotionally involved too soon? Or is she just showing you off?

She might want someone who will support her financially.

Did she have a job before, but lost it in the Pandemic or something?

Does she repeatedly bring up any of these topics within just a few weeks of dating?

• Pregnancy, childbirth, and how many children she wants to have.
• Weddings, receptions, and honeymoons of her friends or relatives.
• What kind of house she wants to have and how she will decorate it.
• At what age and how long her friends or relatives have been married.
• Her future children's behavior, education, health, interests, and looks.

If so, she is likely more interested in you helping her realize her own dreams than she is in you as a person.

You said you don't mind women's perspectives, so I'll weigh in. I hope that's OK.

I'll start by saying Hurtloam made some good points as well. Some people just overcompensate for their insecurity.

My first thoughts:

She's parading you around after a few dates?
Even though you're autistic and (presumably) don't love socialising?
She calls it "going slow" but wanted her family to meet you?

If you aren't comfortable, then it's too fast regardless of what we think.

I've been with my bf since December 2019 and I balked at going to a small, family wedding with him this summer. I didn't feel ready or comfortable. I've met one of his brothers but that's as far as my social energy extends. We've been on one date in a restaurant, because I don't like being around people. I've never been paraded anywhere because I wouldn't be comfortable with that.

As for financial security, I can appreciate you want to watch out for people becoming dependent on you. That's smart. Just realise it's the same for women because many men are insolvent, and want the women to split her assets with him if they start living together.

It goes both ways.

Does she know that you're autistic, or that these issues are making you uncomfortable? Maybe it would help to have a good discussion about boundaries and mutual respect.

The Facebook thing is just bad manners all around, in my opinion. I haven't used FB for years except for Messenger, but I would never post a picture of someone else without their permission, and I certainly wouldn't tag them. I'd be livid if someone posted / tagged me. I'm weird about privacy and about digital media or photos, so maybe it's common behaviour these days? Regardless I don't think it's OK, and I know I wouldn't be alright with it. I don't even put a relationship status on my account, or post any pictures unless they're "Only Me" as the audience. (That's something I will occasionally do just for safe keeping, or to unload my camera).

Regarding money, I agree. I was told the same thing by my father, about being a target. I'll never live with a man again or have joint accounts and assets. Again, maybe I'm hyper-vigilant but I've learned the hard way. I don't blame you for being cautious in your situation especially when you're ... five dates in??? At that stage my bf didn't even know where I lived. It took me a couple of months to give him my address. This was during the peak of Covid so it was easy to just meet outdoors or eventually go to his place. I guess I'm super cautious and I move too slowly, probably too slowly, but like I said before if you aren't comfortable then something's not right. I hope you can talk to her, explain your reservations, and sort all of this out.

There is stereotype that guys are afraid of commitment so I think going to fast for guys is when the woman starts planning their wedding & kids when they have not been together for very long. However I am very different from most guys in many ways & going too fast for me is when the woman is driving her car one hounded miles an hour on a residential street Though it might could be fun if I was not vomiting & passing out