Help! NT coworker in (unrequited) love with me

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I've been on friendly terms with this guy for years, but never felt the slightest inkling of attraction to him. Lately, he's started giving me gifts and inviting me places; a few nights ago, he confessed that he's been attracted to me the entire time that he's known me, and fantasizes about 'cuddling, going places with me, etc. Not sexual, I swear!' I told him flat out that I was not capable of having a romantic relationship with him, but he said that that would be ok and that he'd just be happy doing friendship-like things.

I think that he wants to believe that friendship is better than nothing, that he can handle it, but I think that he's kidding himself and really hopes that I'll change and fall in love with him.

the clincher? He's going through a divorce (definitely happening, but not yet finalized).

Last night he called me twice after I got off work, first wanting a movie date (had plans on the night that he wanted) and then to request that I 'make a list of times and activities that I might be willing to do with him.' I put him off for the time being.

I like this guy as a friend, and would hate to see the friendship end, but I do not want to have weekly scheduled dates with him. I do not want to break his heart. I cannot see this coming out well by any way, shape, or means.

Any advice would be welcome.

Wow. This is tough, because he's
going through a hard time, and
probably does need a friend.

If I were you, I'd take control of
the situation. If there's something
that you want to do with him, and
a time - ask. I'd avoid things which
have romantic connotations, like
going to a movie.

On the other side, if he suggests something
that sounds good and safe, go with it. But
just explain to him that you have NO interest
in making a scheduled event.

You need a boyfriend. An imaginary one may suffice.

I have to say, this guy kinda sounds like he has issues. If I were you, I'd tell him that maybe the two of you should keep some distance until he gets over his obsession with you. You've already made it clear that you're not interested in him romantically. It sounds like he's making some desperate attempt to make you change your mind.

I believe it is possible to be a friend, but he has to come to the realisation that you're not interested in that way. I did that:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=40751

But naturally he is going to think he still has a chance. If fact it would be worse of he didn't, I always used to pre-empt rejection. NTs are not straightforward. They play 'hard to get'.

Weird thing is one girl who fancied me back in school, actually didn't like me at all to start with. I also broke her gold ring. I was flicking it up the table in order so it would backspin and come back. But I eventually got too enthusiastic and flattened it . There ware no good jewellers in this place and I didn't really know about it anyway so I only gave her a crappy chain. Anyway eventually she warm to me. But I was so bad socially, I couldn't tell. She game me the strongest hypothetical hint possible just with me and her girl friends sat down but I was just totally unable to make myself ask her out. I just could believe it.

It might be because of the divorce it is making feel lonely. But I don't think that is a good time to even if you were right for each other.

If there is really no chance in hell I would tell him that you’re not playing hard to get and can only see him as a friend. Otherwise if you ok batting off his advances, trying get to know him continue. Just try not to do something that might be taken the wrong way. I think it is better if he knows sooner rather than later that it’s not going to happen.

No way you can maintain that kind of friendship.
It would be torture for him, and too much pressure for you.

read this LKL : www.laddertheory.com/

my 'imaginary boyfriend' is my sex toy. I do not NEED the complication of a needy, unpredictable NT man hanging on me all day long. A friend, I can use.

wrt. "ladder theory," it's another man claiming that they know all about women better than the women know themselves. I'm not going to take anyone who writes something like this very seriously:

"...almost all guys who have not had the manhood stripped out of them know this intuitively (edit: Real men will always agree with me, and anyone who dosen't is a wuss)As far as intellectual whores can determine, the average female b***h has a rating system that works like this...(edit: women are all stupid, evil prostitutes and the majority of them are quite predictable, as follows:)"

tentative plan, a la calandale: invite him to public places like the farmer's market for short, schedule-constrained friendly interaction (have to work evenings on the days that the farmer's market happens). Possibly invite him to read up on AS, so he'll get the idea that I mean exactly what I say. Possibly meet him for coffee in a well-frequented shop if he particularly needs to talk.

What MrMark was suggesting is that you
need the appearance of a bf to drive this
fella away. I agree that this kind of thing
can work, but not if you want to keep a
friend. Dishonesty ruins things.

Perhaps you should have taken note that this "theory" is part of the stupidness.com network.

^^ hehe another female in denial , it's ok women usually hate this theory but it 's very true in real life . Most 'friendships' between the 2 genders are fake and are not really based on friendship but on something else.

What do you mean by the word 'use' in the sentence "A friend, I can use" . You want to use your "friend" for emotional and/or sexual needs ? This is so low .

You're parsing the sentence wrong. It's not "I want a friend that I can use", it's "I could use a friend; I don't want a boyfriend and all that comes with it".

^^ well I admit that I am not an english master but the word 'use' here is kinda disturbing : " A friend I can use" (use him for what? for sex? for emotional need? for crying and nagging ? " .
Even if she means "I want a friend that I can use" , this self-suggestion is also disturbing .
Real friends must not be used

I think you're still mis-interpreting the intent. Perhaps "do with" would be a better phrase than "use" - "I could do with a friend".

It's a statement of loneliness, not desire to treat someone as an item.

^^ do what?