So how do I get a girl to go out with me?

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Okay. So I know this is really basic for most people. But it has eluded me my entire adult life.

I'm not looking for the love of my life or something that will last long. If that comes along then great, but I'm not setting that as an expectation. Not necessarily looking for a one night stand either, but if that's what I get I'll take it. Friends with benefits is fine. Just how do I do it?

I'm looking for someone I'm attracted to. I don't want to just hook up with whoever happens to be available. And someone who is attracted to me. I want someone to be with me because she likes me. Not because I'm paying her, or because she feels bad for me or obligated or coerced in some fashion. Someone in her 20s or maybe early 30s. I'd like to have things in common. No smokers.

So, how do I go about it? How do I meet single women I like? How do I approach them? How do I get them interested in me without getting friendzoned?

Ok start here
1) Whom are you attracted to?
2) What type of girls are attracted to you but you don't like?

I have had so few women express interest in me to establish any kind of pattern.

My ex told me she was only with me because she did think she could do any better at the time. And according to what I've learned about abusive narcissistic relationships, she almost certainly targeted me specifically because she saw my disability as an opportunity to exploit.

Really, the only pattern I've noticed is that they all seem particularly unattractive. I had one woman chasing after me that was large and burly and likely had very high testostrone levels. Another woman expressed that she thinks attractive people don't get cheated on, meaning she did not consider herself attractive. The one woman I hooked up with online openly admitted she had low self-esteem and slept with any man who gave her attention.

1. Ask her.
2. If she says 'No', find another girl and repeat from Step 1.
3. If she says 'Yes', go out with her.

Simple.

and what about i) what girls are you attracted to? the more stricter your criteria the more limited your options will be

The big one sounds scary. What about the low-self esteem girl whom you hooked up with? do you still see her?

well I'll probably try speed dating when lockdown is lifted

Abstinence isn't that bad.

You are dealing with two sets of women.

The first set is "women I would like to date".

The second is "women who would date me".

Intersection of these sets, women who belong to both categories is what you should focus on. If intersection of these two sets in empty, that's a problem you would need to solve to have any chance.

"Some people are so fixated on the gold beyond their reach that they ignore the silver at their feet." -- Anonymous Wise Person.

This quote seems to accurately describe many of those who cannot get a date.

Poetic as that may be, I don't think that's true of most who cannot get a date.

While there are a handful out there who seem to have ludicrously high standards, and who won't settle for anything less, most just seem to have very few opportunities, if any.

It seems in OP's case that most of the opportunities he had were not suitable for him. It doesn't seem like he's rejecting average women to pursue supermodels, but rather rejecting women he has zero attraction to in order to pursue women he has at least a bit of an attraction to.

Just because one has limited dating opportunities doesn't mean that all of the few opportunities they do get are viable.

It may not be so much that someone's standards are high, but that they are narrow -- so many ordinary features that a potential mate MUST have that not even a perfect angel could meet them all.

I like girls with an oddball or nerdy side to them. I don't often feel that I have much in common with people who are more "typical". Looks wise, I generally prefer girl with darker complexations, dark hair, dark eyes. But that isn't an absolute. I'm not so much into the slender blonde look, which seems to be the opposite of most men. You'd think that would be something that would broaden my opportunities if anything.



Nope. She was cute, but completely uninteresting to me. And she gave me 2 STIs.



There has never been any intersection. Keep in mind that there have only been 2 or 3 women who have expressed interest in me in the 12 years since my breakup. I think one of my problems is that very few of the women I've met in all these years have been single. Another is that I'm an atheist/ex-Muslim trapped in the middle of the Bible Belt.

The types of girls with oddball personalities that I prefer seem to be particularly difficult to find single for some reason.






I do have some standards, but none that are unreasonable. For example: a while back I met a woman at work that I started hanging out with. We constantly went out to do stuff together and she invited me to her parents' house on holidays. But after months of acting like she was interested without outright saying she was, it turned out she only wanted to be friends. She was 2 years older than me, overweight, and a single mother. So I don't think that I have any standards that are unreasonable.

It's weird I went through a phase in my 20s where I wanted a girlfriend like Daria
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daria

The quintessential nerdy/cool geek. The problem was when I met such girls in real life they were incredibly irritating and stuck up. I also found that these types were all "Bella Swan" types (like in the Twilight series) like too cool for school who had no friends but always had some boyfriend outside of university who was some hisptter dude with a beard and tattoos.



I see, hope you are ok now?

Isn't that what everyone here likes