Marriage

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I’m very stressed lately, as I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, and she wants to get married. There was a point in time where she was talking about it constantly, but she has stopped now. She tells me she thinks I’ll never propose. This is causing me so much stress because the rings she sends me are expensive, and I am currently paying out of pocket for college, I have rent, utilities, internet, car insurance, gym membership, food and a new car payment which is expensive. I’m sure I could’ve saved up enough money to buy one by now, but I haven’t.. and I’m so stressed about it. Would it be wrong to ask her to half the payment for her engagement ring? Or should I just try and save up. She just planned a vacation for us that will take more of my money too, and she said, “This would be the perfect place for you to propose.” But I just don’t have the $ for a ring.

Hi Brainiac and welcome back.

I have a couple of questions.
You say "she wants to get married".
Do you?
Are you both going to buy engagement rings or just you?
If it's just you, why just you? ^
Why is a ring important / necessary?


My bf could propose with a twist-tie if he wanted to.
I don't care about jewellery.

I think that if you don't have too long to finish your studies, maybe you could wait until you're done and have more money? It's also odd that it sounds like she wants you to fully pay for the vacation and a ring to propose to her??? She has to know you don't have the money for that after 7 years of being with you... Also, if she wants to get married so bad she could buy a ring and propose...

Hello, and thank you.

I think I do want to get married. She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had though, and my mom keeps mentioning, “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” “Are you sure you want to marry her?” And it makes me question sometimes. We have had some issues in our relationship but I assume that is normal when you’ve been together close to a decade.

I’m not entirely sure why it’s me that is chosen to buy the ring. I guess because I am more masculine? She said she has always had a dream of being proposed to, so I think that may be the reason.

I don’t think a ring is necessary, and also don’t care about jewelry. I had to talk her down from $4,000-5,000 USD rings to $1,000 USD rings.

I’ve got about 3 years left of school since I changed my major and don’t go full time, and I don’t think I can keep her waiting that long. She’s actually paying for a lot of the vacation, but I have spent around 400 dollars on it already.

Her dream is to be proposed to. I think I’d feel a little awkward being proposed to lol, but I wouldn’t mind it?

How about Onion rings?.... I watched a lot of cartoons as a kid.







Rings are overrated. It's actual (most likely) invented to signify ownership. A patriarchal relic.

Then there's the theory that rings are a pagan ceremony to pay honour to Saturn, "the ringed planet." An ancient occult practice, somewhat murky in it's veracity. Fnord might not like to hear that. I know how he hates "conspiracy theories." But I don't know if it's true or not, interesting theory though.

Unlikely, because Saturn is too far away for its rings to be visible without a telescope. The first person known to have written about the rings of Saturn was Galileo.

Have you talked to her and phrased it to her like this? If your partner is truly understanding and her financial values are similar to yours (which is a pre-requisite for a healthy marriage), she should understand your situation.

Engagement rings, while culturally significant, are a luxury item. You don't need them to survive. You should not go into debt to pay for a luxury. Nor should you prioritize a luxury over necessities.

If she doesn't understand your situation, frankly, it's either a lack of empathy or a lack of financial sense.

Also, you're both women. Why isn't she buying you a ring too?

Buy moissonite ring(s). Synthetic diamonds at a fraction of the cost for a giant rock. My partner suggested this.

A ring is a ring, and if someone wanted to be married enough, the type and cost shouldn't be much of an issue (one can always upgrade off in the future when the financial situation changes). Sometimes people will send wedding ring stuff as a hint, nudge and wink deal rather than actually wanting that specific ring.

Which leads me into a funny story with my neighbors, but I won't go there (this was more of a child deal with one of their kids and his partner, and the hint, nudge and wink, but they didn't see it and I told them, lol. Yeah, I ended up being right as I'm not as naive as I may appear).

So, we talked about this, and she said as long as I propose in a unique way that she doesn’t care what ring I propose with, and we can pick one out together afterwards. Also, she isn’t getting me a ring because I don’t care about it or being proposed to.

I figured she'd be fine there with whatever ring

Congratulations.