How to Comfort Your Spouse?

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My partner says I have never comforted her. When I hear this, I selfishly focus on feeling bad that I failed her rather than just take it as it’s meant - valid criticism- and improve.

What are some things to say to comfort someone or focus on their feelings?

Maybe you could tell her how you feel about her, tell her how even though she's not the best or even first choice , and you was coming off a rebound, you found her acceptable at the time. That should comfort her.

If she wants a hug, give it to her.

Acknowledge what she is saying, and make some (diplomatic) comments pertaining to what she's saying.

Hold her hand in the street.

Let her cuddle on your chest when you're in bed.

Yeah, I'm bad at doing that too.

Good ideas.
I think it may help for you AMarriedAspie to ask her what could you do better & really listen & try to understand her ideas. It could be that she does not realize that you are trying to comfort her when you do. She may be interpreting your actions & reactions in a negative way when they are not intended to be. It might also help if you tell her you need her to be kinda direct & tell you what she would like you to do at the time she wants/needs you to do it. A frank discussion might be helpful. That said, saying that you had never comforted her seems kinda extreme & kinda makes me wonder if it's even possible for you to comfort her the way she needs to be. She could have expectations that are impossible for most anyone to meet. There are times when my girlfriend is upset that she will reject everything I do or say. I ask her what she would like me to do & she just tells me to make her feel better. Whatever I try to do seems to make her more upset sometimes, & whatever I say makes her upset, & so does me being quiet, & me leaving the room as well. When she calms down thou she apologizes because she realizes that no one would of been able to comfort her then & she just had to deal with it till the feelings passed. Very thankfully she does not hate me because I s#ck at it sometimes, she loves me because I try.