Opposites Attract...

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Do they really?

And if they do then how long is it before their differences become an issue?

Are you attracted to people who are the opposite to you?

What is your experience of this in your life?

Sometimes, opposites complement each other. I’ve known these sorts of couples.

For me, though, I’m more attracted to people similar to me than someone who is opposite to me.

No I like people who are more like me as well. I like to have things in common with people.

When I was younger and quite unstable I would always go for guys who had nice homes because I didn't have anywhere to go so I think they were opposite to me but I didn't really love them it was more just somewhere to crash.

Then I think I had quite significant daddy issues as well so the older man suited me for a while but that was all shades of wrong for so many reasons.

But now I just like to chill with a guy who I have loads in common with. Like we get on. We can watch telly, eat nice food, have a laugh about the same things. It just feels lovely.

No, I don't think this is true.

We tend to date people with similar values, a similar lifestyle, and similar stage in life compared to ourselves.

A devout evangelical Christian who wants to get married and have kids by the age of 30, probably isn't going to wind up with a atheist who doesn't believe in marriage and wants to go out and party and hookup all of the time.

Neither view is wrong; it's just that these two people hold wildly different views and would not make ideal romantic partners at all. If they somehow wound up dating each other, the relationship probably wouldn't last long.

Last I checked, we're people, NOT magnets.

Personally, I'd rather be in a relationship with someone who's a LOT more in common with me, than with someone who's the VERY polar opposite.

I think in some ways, opposites can be good. For instance, my mom and dad are different from each other. Mom is more outgoing, less high strung, more creative, and more business oriented. While dad is more introverted, more logical, more high strung, etc... But despite this, I still think they're compatible because what they do have in common is sharing the same religion, having similar goals in life, and having a fairly similar lifestyle to each other, and also both of them being good people.

Which is why I think that similar values, lifestyle, and goals are important. That's why a 35 year old, college-educated, devout Christian that's saving themselves for marriage would be incompatible with a 21 year old who just wants to smoke weed and hookup with hot people at bars.

I know that rejection sucks but in many ways, rejection saves you from ending up with someone who ultimately isn't going to be right for you in the long term.

Opposites attract ... likes attract ... some people attract no one at all.  That is just how it is.

I know in some cases, if the direction someone wants in life is too different from my own, then it won't work. Example, if someone wants children in the future... My kids are grown. The last thing I want is more children. Just no. No. Same if someone wants to move to...I dunno... Hawaii. I don't want to move far away from my kids. It's not going to happen no matter how much I like the person.

But for the most part, I don't mind differences. I think it can keep things interesting. If I'm lucky I can even learn something and gain some perspective. I don't like it when my partners are too much like me. That bores the hell out of me eventually.

I've been married twice, and my spouses were both different than me in a lot of ways and very different from each other as well. My one ex is an ordained wiccan priest, the other went to Bible school and led church bible studies for years, and I'm an athiest. My one ex, hard-core republican and the other hard-core democrat and I'm a moderate. Those were things that I know people consider 'big' differences. But to me they were small because at the end of the day my ex's and I were all of the mindset that we don't have to agree, we just have to treat each other with decency and respect when talking about those types of things. So, that similarity in mindset made the differences irrelevant in the long run.

Those types of differences were never problematic in my relationships. My relationship struggles are other things entirely.

I have been attracted to people who are different in values than me but I think me personally I would want to agree with a spouse on things and have similar beliefs and values and priorites. non-Claytie Williams style Republican would not work out for me or an atheist or agnostic or Democrat or if we do not mutually agree about money and personal finance or kids or religion or in-laws..It would be too much of a difference if she was not a gold bug and did not believe in having physical gold on hand just in case and believed in fiat currency and not the gold standard.

Last edited by Texasmoneyman300 on 12 Dec 2021, 7:58 am, edited 8 times in total.

To an extent this is true for me. In the past i have always been attracted to people who are outwardly very different from me but share similar lifeviews and thoughts.

I did date some women who were not intellectuals and did not ever get Masters and Doctorates so opposites did attract in those cases.Our differences would be too great if she was not a prepper and gun nut who did not believe like the typical 1950's church of Christ

Opposites attract…

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. Depends on what compliments and what repels. What is more positive vs negative. Etc.

I’m very empathic. I’ve always attracted narcissists. They have been narcissistic to a T. Empaths and narcissists are opposite but they make a toxic combination. Not a good mix at all.

Chance being a fine thing, brought us together, but
We're not magnets, well not forever...

I couldn't have a relationship with a raging extrovert, but not someone too quiet either.

I am talkative when I need to be, but like my peace, so someone who is needs to be out all the time, but not someone who always wants to stay home.

I'm quite bohemian, so I couldn't stand living with a normie who wants a house that looks like everyone else's and who wants an SUV and fashionable clothes just to fit in. I don't want to be with someone who thinks I ought to have a fake tan, constant makeup and perfect hair. That's too much my opposite.

Unfortunately, yes. I attract guys who are the opposite of me as far as personality goes. I’m not a fan of traditional romance. I prefer the older brother type. Someone who I exchange potty humor jokes with and doesn’t care how I’m dressed and how my hair looks. I just want a guy who will watch video games and cartoons with at my place. I really don’t like sleeping in the same bed. My bed is for my plushies and I only.

Sadly, I attract guys who are more romantic than me.

Did those women live on their own, independently, away from their parents, and support themselves? If so, that was the real opposite from you.