My GF Said She "doesn't feel the same way" after I

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...after I told her that I loved her....So she wants to still hang out, but I'm not so sure.

I love her, but couldn't see the signs.

Damn AS...I couldn't see it coming for s**t. TOTALLY misread her body language. Turns out she is affectionate with everyone, and our period of dating was just a fling. Sad. This world makes no sense.

When you do bad, bad should happen. Good should bring good.

It doesn't seem to work lke that. People just pick up and drop each other arbitrarily like it's nothing.

I thought I had grown past needing a relationship. But I can't lie my fellow aspies...I fell hard and now I want to be "normal" in a regular relationship more than ever.

I have no idea how all of that works. I can never sustain a job or relationship. I'm always the last to know that I am headed for the door when it goes down. Always living in my head, I'm ready to break out of here (my hermitage).

I just want to be normal, fall in love, and have kids one day. Is that impossible with AS? It it just impossible period (look at the divorce rate)?

WTF WP? WTF?!?

Indeed. And as a further question: why do so many marriages/relationships fail?

I feel like hell right now, but the forums always come through for me in the end.

Sorry to see that this happened. She is probably someone very "easy" and a bit shallow and we aspies often take things very seriously and get our hearts broken in the process.

If you don't want to hang out with this girl, don't. Just tell her you're not interested in seeing her ever again and see what happens. If not in person, then by letter or e-mail or phone call. I think you deserve much better than this.

I can relate, but in my case it was a longer relationship.

The best thing to do with these people is never have anything more to do with them. By saying they "just want to be friends" they are still trying to control the relationship to suit themselves. Don't play their game.

She was probably just dating casually; not looking for a serious relationship. Many people are afraid of commitment. I wouldn't take it personally... it's good that she showed her true feelings instead of stringing you along. If you hadn't said "I love you", things wouldn't be any better; her heart still wouldn't be in it. So you did the best thing by being honest about what you felt.

Serendipper, you wrote that, “I love her, but couldn't see the signs. Damn AS...I couldn't see it coming for sh**.” Well, it sounds to me like you were being honest and she wasn’t. I don’t know if that’s AS or not but you have this knowledge: You were honest with her and you were doing the right thing. That’s something to be proud of and that is something that will sustain a relationship when you find someone as caring and forthright as what you are.

Zee wrote back to you, “it's good that she showed her true feelings instead of stringing you along.” Zee is absolutely correct. I know from my own experience it’s very bad to be involved with people who do not show their own feelings.

As an example, the last woman I dated, and I dated her for 15 months, said she wanted to marry me and have a baby with me. Well, midway through our relationship she said a “friend” of her’s would be coming to visit her on Spring Break because he did the same type of research she did and she was simply going to be his “host” for a week. Well, two weeks after he went back to Norway she wanted to talk about our relationship. She wanted to out it on “Hold.” Although I didn’t want to, she insisted. Later I asked her if she was dating the Norwegian guy and she said, “No, he lives in Norway and I live here (Minnesota).” She married him 6 months later. This happened 2 years ago and, to this day, I hope her marriage to that man ends in a divorce.

Serendipper, as you can see from your own experience and my example, some people simply are not worthy of you. I am certain that you can find someone who is caring and honest and then you won’t have to worry about the AS getting in the way of reading all of the “signs” right.

I think a clean break is the best thing. Maybe once the worst hurt is over, it's possible to be civil but it's kinder to all concerned to give it a complete miss.

I've had this happen a few times,
telling someone that I loved them,
when I probably shouldn't have. The
key is to reassure them that love comes
in many forms, and that the love of friendship
is just as important as love within a romantic
relationship.

I'd try and repair whatever damage you caused,
as if you do love her, anything like the way that
I love, you wouldn't be able to bear the loss of
all contact. Nor, taking a friendship away. She
may love you, without wanting to encourage a
romantic situation (though if she was already
your girl-friend this seems odd).

I have... opposite problems. I've had people fall in love with me while I'm still very distant... and then I just feel uneasy. Believe me, it feels terrible to be the one who doesn't love back - a guilty sort of feeling. Like you SHOULD feel that way, but just... don't. I once had someone crying with their arms flung around me because they didn't want to say goodbye after a day out together, while I stood there... distant. Unconnected. I felt like maybe I *should* feel something, but no. I felt bad for not being able to return such strong feelings.
So... try to look at it both ways.

People fall in love, then 5-10 years later, they hate each other.

It sounds like this girl is just another one of those dumb b*****s who just...sigh...doesn't know what they want

Get used to it, buddy, you'll be meeting a lot of those.

And, like me, you'll be falling head over heels in love with them to the point where you can't sleep at night, and you spend every waking moment thinking about her.

They know what they don't want... and I'm going to be blunt. It's you. Acting the way you do on here only confirms that these women made the right choice. If you had fallen "head over heels in love with them" you'd probably respect their decisions rather than hating them and referring to them as "dumb b*****s" when you find out that they aren't interested in you. Guys like you are what their defense mechanisms are meant to protect against. You sound like an abusive relationship waiting to happen.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's the impression I get from all of your posts.

I'm going to keep being friends with her....I'm stronger than I think I am (I hope).

Maybe I'll get over her one day, but i don't want to give her up as a prescence in my life. So, so few people understand me. It's addictive when someone treats you with kindness.

I'll accept her kindness and keep rolling with my life. Who knows what may happen?

Last edited by Serendipper on 31 Jul 2007, 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hear, hear.

in same boat...... kinda

gl