My problem with relationships and age

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I feel that dating women significantly younger than me is weird and creepy, and I'm not at all comfortable with the idea.

The animated movie The Killing Joke depicts a sexual relationship between Batman and Batgirl/Barbara Gordon. Many have commented on how this makes them extremely uncomfortable due to the age difference between the two, like in the YouTube video linked below. And this is simply how people are reacting to fictional characters in a cartoon.



I don't even feel comfortable going to strip clubs anymore, because many of the dancers just turned 18 only months ago.

I mean, who am I? A religious figure?!

But at the same time I just don't feel like I want a relationship with a woman in my same age group. I am probably explaining my reason in a very clumsy manner, but my issue is that women my age have typically been through a number of relationships and at least one marriage, while I'm still a man-child that likes action figures. These women are just too far removed from where I am in life for us to be able to relate to each other or have any meaningful connection. They typically have children old enough to be starting college at this point. And while I don't mind dating or marrying a woman with children, the idea of getting together with someone whose children are (or almost are) legal adults themselves just freaks me the h*ll out to no end.

So my dilemma is that I don't know who I can date anymore. It just feels like age has caught up to me and now its just too late to have the life I want.

My suggestion is that you just ignore age, beyond making sure that they are at least of legal age and as attractive to you as you need them to be.

There are many, MANY other ingredients that a good relationship needs besides anything having to do with age. My suggestion is that you focus more on these other, deeper ingredients and stop obsessing about age.

When I was in my twenties, I had some relationships with both women and men who were in their thirties, forties, or even fifties. Since then, most of my relationships have been with people who were about ten years younger than me. In all cases, age was simply not something I was concerned about much at all. Other commonalities were MUCH more important to me.

Mona gives good advice, which I won't contradict. But, I've been feeling the same thing myself, lately...life catching up...except I prefer people my age or a few years older. Lately, though, I've had to look at how bad some of my relationships were and realize I was mostly happy with what I thought they were, not their actuality. On my own, I'm typically happy with what happens (and can laugh at the bad). Much happier alone, I think. But, that's just my experience.

What was good and bad about your past relationships? What do you really want and need? I feel like there must be women out there who get your interest in action figures, if cosplay and Comicon are so popular.

Nobody saw any problem when my 55-year-old father married a 30-year-old woman.

Age is really just a number.

I’m 61. If I wasn’t married, I’d go out with a woman in her 30s if she was willing.

I didn't have time to watch the video yet but I will later. My gf is 16 years younger than me so perhaps I can relate to that. However, the movie The Killing Joke, has a poorly written romance in my opinion and I think people would be more accepting of a relationship between Batman and Batgirl, if it was just written differently. There are movies with age gap romances that are far better written. First Knight and Casablanca maybe for example.

But I wouldn't go by The Killing Joke as a good thesis for age gap romances, because the poor writing actually made the romance more akward.

If you meet someone and you're both happily attracted to each other and you're both legally consenting adults, who cares what other people thing? Would you deny yourself and her a happy relationship together because some random someone else might not approve of your age difference? Not me.

My brother and his fiancee said at Christmas that they don't think I should ever date anyone younger than 28. I laughed and didn't get into a debate with them. My current crush is 22-23yo. So what? Adult old enough to have a college education already, and if we're into each other and do end up dating beyond being fwb I really couldn't care less what my brother and his fiancee think of it tbh - it's not their life to live nor happiness to fulfil. They can focus on their own relationship, IMO. If they have a hobby of judging others relationships, okay, so be it - I still won't care what they think.

I appreciate that. My problem is where will I as an autistic atheist find commonalities in the middle of the Bible Belt?! Not only is everyone here extremely religious, but the odds of finding anyone over 22 who isn't married are abysmal.



I have no past relationships, save for one with a psychologically abusive sociopath who socially isolated me, gaslighted, and conditioned me to the point where I was afraid to go anywhere or do anything without securing her approval. I never was attracted to her and settled for her out of desperation, and she sought me out specifically for my vulnerability. That relationship ended in 2009, and no woman has wanted to date me since then.



That's what pedophiles say.



Unless you happen to be a billionaire, I'd say that's a very big if.




The point is not about how poorly the Killing Joke was written, but about how people react to the idea of a sexual relationship between Bruce Wayne and Barbara Gordon.

First Knight and Casablanca both take place in very different times.



As a straight person, I don't know how relationship dynamics differ for same sex couples. One thing that I've occasionally wondered about is how limited the options of gay people must be. Using rough estimates, I figure that straight people have access to 90% of the population as perspective partners (before factoring in chemistry, shared values, age, etc) while gay people only have access to around only 10%. Considering how long I've been struggling to find a single woman I'm compatible with, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.

"Age is just a number," isn't a paedophile catch phrase. It's pretty commonly said about people in consenting adult relationships with an age gap, and Also by seniors who still feel young at heart. My grandmother, before she passed at 95, used to look in the mirror in her 80's and 90's and say "Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder where this old person came from. I don't FEEL that old!" This was probably one of the most optimistic things she ever said. Anyways, just a real world example of what's very common - people don't feel nearly as old as they are or look.

I think the broad statistic is that 7% of the population identifies as LGBT.. then take out the lesbians and anyone not my type or not attracted to me etc etc and if you just looked at the numbers you'd think I'd have extreme difficulties. In reality, in major city centres and suburbs like where I am there are high gay populations as people tend to move towards cities. And compared to heteronormative culture, gays tend to be.. really slu*ty. So, even with fewer absolute numbers there are WAY HIGHER numbers of willing partners when it comes to casual sex, so I've most certainly had more of that in my life than almost any heterosexual person alive.

Relationship wise I've yet to meet an ideal match. I do have a crush at the moment - but - also don't know for certain they're even alive right now. He should be in detox/rehab and that's why no communication for weeks. I hope. Dunno if it'll ever evolve to something more, but it's at least a very nice fwb situation that I hope continues.

Perhaps find a friend first and then see if there becomes a sexual aspect later on .. as long as both parties are legal consenting adults …… age issue can be forgotten as long as things are safe and consensual , and as written before, legal age to consent, but less experienced people maybe more likely to move on , Friendship first , can let you have a idea about a persons loyalties and other possible things .

I hope things work out well for your crush.

I believe the closest major city to me is Dallas, and that's still about an 8 hour drive.

Is Canada looking for any Americans with master degrees in education?

Yeah, that never works for me.

Yes, this. Social circle and friends first.

Reminds me of something I heard on the radio last year: The secret to making friends as adults is... to become a regular somewhere. To go to the same place around the same people at the same time, routinely, whether daily or weekly or whatever - then you get to know people and they get to know you, and friendships form. For the NT radio hosts this was such a truth bomb the caller had dropped.. they hadn't really thought about the fact that making friends in grade school or college is easier for people not because they're younger, but because they go to the same place around the same people over and over again. Adults who stay home/online and don't go take a class or join a club or sport or hangout at a particular place around the same group repeatedly then have difficulty meeting new people, making friends, or finding romance within their friend circles. Makes sense.

Thanks! Me too - even if we're just intended to be really good friends - he's def a rare one that I actually like and want in my life in whatever capacity he's meant to be. Should be in detox/rehab right now, but haven't heard a peep for a few weeks.. so hope that means no cell phone privileges vs. accidental overdose death before he could get sober again.


Canada is mostly looking for skilled labour and highly specialized knowledge like engineers, doctors etc. BUT, work permits also get written every single day for fast food workers, nannies, and unskilled labour to do jobs people don't want to do like installing drywall. Work permits are issued based on the local job market demands and what an employer needs and cannot find. So, if a school district posts a teaching job for months and cannot fill it, Canada Customs and Immigration is likely to approve an application from the employer to import a foreign worker to fill the slot. (Then once they're here a couple years or whatever the process, they can become a Permanent Resident, and then eventually Citizen - there's a process, I'm not entirely sure of the details.)

So, could you get a teaching job in the exact city you wanted in Canada? Maybe, maybe not. Depends where you want to work. There are, after all, quite the number of teaching graduates and in turn part time Teachers On Call that are just waiting for a full time position to open up. However, small towns - especially WAY up North - have difficulty attracting professionals of all kinds, so, if you were willing to go teach in the frozen North for a couple years you'd likely have a way easier time getting your foot in the door of the country. Or to anywhere else with demand for teachers and no supply - a smaller city on the prairies, Northern towns, and who knows - maybe in some super expensive city if enough teachers have moved away.

Teachers aren't on the top of the list of needed professionals on a national level, but, location location location.. if your goal is to emigrate to Canada via teaching credentials, you could probably do it by taking a job way the F up North or on an Indigenous reserve somewhere or something. As long as the employer cannot find a qualified Canadian to do the job, Americans are the next best thing and have an easier time getting rubber stamp approval to move to Canada than any other nationality thanks to culture and language similarities.

Maybe. There's a constant teacher shortage here, but that's because education in this country sucks and get no funding. Figures that anywhere I'd actually want to go doesn't need me. Working somewhere less populated would still get me better healthcare benefits than I can get in this sh!thole of a country, but think about what you were just saying about meeting people and making friends. It'll be a lot harder is less populated areas. It's something to think about.

I'm sorry to hear that I've been in similar situations. It will definitely put you off dating, or make prospects seem dismal, aside from that fact that you live in an area which doesn't offer you much.

Maybe. But you could go somewhere with a 5 year plan. Take the job way up North and get paid higher than anywhere else in the country Because it's way up North. Use your free time to focus on health, fitness, and general well being. Fill your bank account. Obtain Permanent Resident status or even Citizenship. Then move to a city of your choice with the people and culture you want to immerse yourself in and meet friends/dates in. You'd be healthier and wealthier and better able to achieve your goals having made some sacrifices and done some hard work for a few years.

Also, look into job ads and apply. You might find that you get a response from a school district in a city you want to live in if they need someone with your knowledge and skill set and can't find one. You could also ask them to kindly reply and let you know if they have an ample supply of teachers locally and thus aren't in a position to hire from the USA -> and if so, ask them if they're aware of any districts with a shortage that you should consider applying to.

If your goal is to move to Canada with your credentials you'll be able to find a way. It might just involve a few extra steps and a bit more time to get from some remote place to somewhere you Want to live, work, and play.