What are your red flags in relationships?

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What are your red flags in relationships?

If somebody calls me up every hour, and asks me where I am.

@kraftiekortie

& everything else is an Amber Flag?

1) Narcissism -- A good test when you meet someone is to casually mention a problem you have in your life. Anything. It doesn't have to be a huge problem, but disclose something. If they respond by

a) ignoring it or never mentioning it again
b) telling you stories all about themselves (like a competition)
c) telling you how to fix your problem

.... then you know you've found the wrong person.


2) Gaslighting and lack of accountability -- it's never all your fault




3) Duplicity or being disingenuous --- People who say they're committed but continue to flirt with other people, see other people, or keep secrets from their spouse / partner. The red flag is that these people get extremely defensive if you question any of their behaviour, even when they're actively deceiving you (See #2 above).

There are many "red flags."

I don't have time to name them all. I named one I thought of at the moment.

The person behaves like a "Frenemy"...

• They are passively unimpressed with your accomplishments.

• They expect your full attention whenever they want it.

• They have a correction or critique for everything you say or do.

• They have emotional needs that are always more important than yours.

• They often tell you what to do or what they think you should do.

• They only reply to your texts and emails only with emojis and short sentences.

• They over-react when you turn down their invitations.

• They take credit for your accomplishments.

• They talk about the fun things they did, but that you were never invited to.

• They talk endlessly about themselves and their problems.

@kraftiekortie

Ah ok, thank you

Their accomplishments are considerably less than you would expect for their age with no reasonable explanation as to why.

They seem to take as much as an interest in your material possessions as you as a person.

They seem to give a sense that they're testing your loyalty by intentionally causing you stress.

You find yourself "rescuing" them from simple problems fully grown adults should never get into and should be easy for them to handle.

You get the sense them getting themselves into said problems is done simply to seek attention.

They give an outrageous reason as to why they have authority over you. I was told I had to do as a woman says because she was a few months older for example.

- They only show interest in what they want to do and what they like, and put no effort into partaking in things that their partner likes.

- When their partner has a problem they change the subject to their own issues, or just dismiss their partner completely.

- They mistreat or talk badly about children and animals.

Those are just a few things that come to mind.

I'm 60 years old. I've been just a clerk for 41 years. I probably should have been at least a supervisor by now. I hope that's not a "red flag"

Nope. I'm thinking of being perfectly able to have a job and/or high school education but falling short of these simple hurdles while having ample time to overcome them.

If you're 18 and don't have a job or high school education that's no big deal. If you're 30 and don't have a job or at least some form of education with no explanation as to why then it's a big red flag.

At that age it's harder to have achieved nothing in all those years than something and is a sign someone is either devoid of any ambition or just feckless.

Surviving till that age with nothing under your belt is truly impressive....more so than getting a few GCSE's.



I'll add another red flag too :- They deliberately prevent a relationship from developing along nicely until you meet some strange demand they request.

If I don't know what is going on in the relationship.

That is no problem now but before I got in my current relationship, I did run into that a few times. And I decided it was a dealbreaker before meeting my current boyfriend.

But yeah basically dating a guy and having no clear idea where they stand in the relationship. Always, turned out they weren't actually interested in more than a fling or just someone to have sex with a couple times, or had too much baggage they had to deal with to focus on the relationship.

Not being willing to be traditional church of Christ and Republican and not being willing to be Quiverful,having bad debt and not agreeing about money,.Also not being tall and not agreeing about having to have a prenup and not being willing to start our own church of Christ one day with me and her not being willing to settle down in a intentional church of Christ community that we start for the rest of our lives is a giant red flag...Also I am not going to marry her if she is not fine with me drinking a little every day.Also its a giant red flag if she wants to celebrate Christmas and Easter.Its also a giant red flag if she wants to celebrate Thanksgiving in a religious way or believes in any religious holidays.its also a red flag if is not fine with the house church movement.Its a deal breaker if she is not willing to be at least 399 on the Forbes 400 with me.

Last edited by Texasmoneyman300 on 10 Dec 2021, 11:13 pm, edited 5 times in total.

By where they stand, what do you mean exactly?

And by baggage what do you also mean?

Being a female, I sense your opinions might be completely different to that if males and might provide a different insight.

driving anything other than a used Honda or Toyota is a red flag to me..Its a deal breaker if she is not a virgin.Its a deal breaker if she is not 18 to 21.Its a deal breaker if she has a tattoo.Its a red flag and a deal breaker if she wont be a prepper with me and our kids.its a deal breaker if she is dead-set on living in a home that we own or have a mortgage on before our intentional community.Its also a deal breaker if she is not willing to drive used Hondas and Toyotas exclusively upon our marriage.Its a red flag if she was not raised traditional church of Christ.Its a deal breaker if her parents are divorced and if her family are not at least almost all Republican.Its a red flag if she ever wants to give money to causes other than the church of Christ,Quiverfull, and the Republican causes.Its a deal breaker if she thinks we should give private donations to the non-church of Christ poor aside from our taxes and our own church that we start and our own charities and foundations.

Last edited by Texasmoneyman300 on 11 Dec 2021, 2:03 am, edited 10 times in total.

Like where they stand in the relationship, are they my boyfriend or just want a fling or just want to get laid a few times without anything serious. I feel I got a bit led on a few times...because I was after a relationship and thought if I just went along with having sex right away and such I'd get that. But turned out a lot of those guys just maybe wanted an easy lay but not a relationship.

As for the baggage that was with two guys I dated...One of them had, had a child with their last girlfriend and she had custody, but she like didn't want him to date people even though they were broken up. So one time he cut our hanging out short because she was going to visit with the baby and he couldn't have her know he was dating. Then after at time he moved out with some friends in another state without even telling me cause he and his room-mates couldn't make rent at thier place. I called him and he apologized but yeah obviously with him being in another state and potentially not moving back there was no way to keep it going, plus at that point I figured those issues with that ex still having control over him could be a problem.

Then the other one, well best I can describe it is he was kind of a spoiled brat, he had a nice apartment his parents were paying for and he did nothing but complain and b*tch about how sh***y his parents are. And even threw a bit of a fit to get his dad to agree to buying him a gun he wanted. He was getting SSI to, due to mental things so not working and his parents paying for a nice place for him to live. My parents never were able to do something like that for me, so I was bothered about his attitude when from my perspective it seemed they were helping him out. Then he brought up some infatuation he had with some past girl and wasn't sure he could get over. He kind of initiated the breakup but for sure at that point it was pretty clear that guy had too much issues going on to be in a relationship with me.

So with my current boyfriend I made sure to determine he actually wanted something serious before we had sex, sure it was still a risk it would not work with me and him but at least being on the same page of what we were looking for was a good starting point. But yeah due to my past experiences I felt it was necessary to just put what I want on the table right away, then just going along with a guy expressing interest just hoping it would result in a relationship.