Frustrated with how people perceive me when trying to date

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I feel like when the average person think of autism, they always picture a man. As an autistic woman people seem to just write me off as being disinterested, rude or snarky, when in reality I just have great difficulty in social settings due to being autistic as well as social anxiety issues. I don't know how to deal with this, should I be telling guys that I'm autistic on the first date? I'm not comfortable with revealing those vulnerabilities so early on but I don't know what else I should do.

I would advise against telling guys your autistic till after you've been dating a bit due to the negative stigma & lack of knowledge about autism unless the guy has experience &/or knowledge about autism like he mentions he's on the spectrum or mentions having a relative who is or mentions being involved with social work related to autism. I would suggest mentioning that you have anxiety because there is a lot more awareness & knowledge about anxiety & lots of people experience social anxiety 1ce in a while. You'd might need to stress that your anxiety is a lot worse for you than the average person. It's common for people to feel nervous before & during a 1st date & admitting your nervous might help ease the tension & start a conversation. Also someone who experiences a bit of anxiety or has autism might be more understanding & accepting of those issues so you'd might have luck seeking out guys who are autistic or have anxiety issues.

Instead of disclosing your autism, could you explain that you're not a very emotionally expressive person, and that you may seem disengaged or disinterested in instances where that's not a reflection of how you actually feel?

The only other thought I had was maybe you could make a deliberate effort to signal interest, where it exists. Like paying someone a compliment if you feel like you're seeming disinterested when you're actually interested, or maybe making an effort to be a bit more outwardly enthusiastic than you normally would be.

You should have no trouble finding "friends".

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Do you ever initiate texting after the first date?

There are A LOT of single Autistic guys out there. Don’t waste your time trying to date NTs.

If you and a potential partner go into a relationship knowing each other are Autistic, it saves a lot of energy not having to worry about when/how to disclose. We’re often also a lot more direct when duscussing what we want out of a relationship, so there should be little confusion on that front. Keep in mind though, that Autistics don’t always express love in the same way as NTs.

In my experience in the past it went worse for me if I told a woman I was autistic later on, compared to early on, but that is just my experience.