its not too late to do self care. Reach out for help and get back on meds, sometimes a meds adjustment is needed to feel your best. You do not have to do this alone, if you ask for help building a better life, there are many tools you can use to build one. Start with self care, find somebody to help you sort some of those painful emotions and figure out how to deal with them, ask you aunt what it is she knows that you don't, tell her you want honest advice and information. Sending best wishes for your struggles to get fewer and less scary. There are so many options today, nobody needs to suffer so much sadness, fear, etc. Please ask others to help you find new and healthier ways to "do life".