Some of my previous posts here, about relationships that came and went the last couple years, have gotten responses that have been a bit predictable, sort of perceiving me the way some WPers see Marknis or SlyFox, as somehow not putting in the right problem-solving elbow grease to break my vicious cycles or move successfully to somewhere more cosmopolitan and welcoming. By comparison, I seem to be doing pretty well with my job and social life so far, albeit with a reduced schedule and people I see at trivia and other scheduled events with one major exception. I'd like to get some feedback if possible on a new situation.
Since my routines are pretty disrupted, I've been forced to rethink things. I'm dealing with unpredictable Midwestern climate winters and both potential war and acrimonious political struggles that seem to be fraying civilization at the seams in the macro term, making me wonder if I'll even get a chance to enjoy all life has to offer before things go pear-shaped. Meanwhile, I've been trying to tease out which symptoms I could ease by drawing down Seroquel and eliminating allergy meds, the anti-hypertensive guanfacine, and most recently statins (prescribed for the cholesterol jump most likely from the guanfacine that has gone down since stopping it), all with doctor consultations to be responsible and avoid work disruption despite the slow pace that takes; I just feel the fatigue, irritability, and GI issues could be superfluous given decades of therapy and life experience to fix the behavior issues from when I was a kid. Most troubling is an anal fissure, basically torturing me whenever I walk for an hour after bowel movements, a chronic issues that I just can't shake and will need to likely investigate with a finger up there by a doc which I haven't looked forward to after a prostate exam over frequent urination at 12 got me to see it as quease-inducing, much mellowed by now. Speaking of which, I've been doing coin laundry nearby and trying to avoid sh*****g at home the last couple days as the pipes in the home I and my mother live in got clogged as they do every time it thaws and the landlady, manager, and plumbers are finally fixing the long-term issue from decades before we moved in almost six years ago, tile shower so can't really take a soaking bath.
I don't mean to be overly graphic or exaggerating or long-winded, but that's the distracting context in which the latest lady blew into my life. Near the start of the year OKCupid is always full of resolution-seekers, and among them was one woman new to my hometown who aspires to be a florist and resume social work courses in college after they were interrupted by kids and issues with her bipolar. She maintains her husband was somewhat emotionally (did not specify physically) abusive despite having primary custody presumably due to the mental illness and a short shoplifting rap she resolved through community service in a supported store to help work through the emotional factors, no thefts from homes, vehicles, or workplaces though. So she moved from an hour and a half away to start over and was in a battered women's shelter for a time until getting her apartment around when we matched, into which she's moved in quite nicely by now. She loves the decorative and audiovisual arts, and she enjoys partaking of my intelligence and appreciates the way I hold down a job and help my family, but I suspect a factor in her interest is her own financial difficulties and seeing me as a stable bulwark to complement her manic phases. Trouble is, I don't know whether when I don't hear from her, as the last couple days and almost 1 since messaging last, if it's a depressive phase where she's talking to nobody or if it's waning or lost interest in me.
Our first date was one of those "fun dates" beyond the traditional food-and-drink that our generation (she's 31) are known for, at a local gallery/tourist trap, the art museum, and the library, nothing spent but the parking meters and she had her student ID for the museum, so she doesn't seem to be cleaning me out given knowing how to stretch her stipends. She suggested making me brunch and did, pretty decent and I wasn't bothered afterward despite probably not following the conventional advice with someone I just met (it's pretty hard to poison someone, actually, unless one does it over the long term, beyond just creating an inconvenience for a few hours). She kept on suggesting we cuddle and watch a movie after having said she didn't want me ghosting her on account of her not wanting to jump to sex (like the last guy who was apparently a Trump supporter, no offense but something neither of us are keen on), so I saw a deep need for emotional closeness but some leeriness of physical intimacy and didn't know if I was mature enough.
Nevertheless, the next weekend I went over and took her to a nearby cafe, handsome barista but she was covering me in PDA and showing that usual enthusiasm for everything around her and the guys showing her that leads I guess to the "manic pixie dream girl" stereotype. Afterwards we see another tchotchke shop where she has a glass of wine among the hors d'oeuvres the old hippie guy provides to nibble. Then we go home and I take her up on the offer, see what this Redbox and Cuddle, the platonic Netflix and Chill, will really be about. Her mild smoking habit, her ankle-biter dog who quickly settles down once he gets to know you (she claimed a cat and possible dog allergy at first but thinks the short-haired really don't make much difference), the mean meth-head neighbor lady she says would get evicted or leave otherwise soon, all were no trouble as we settled down in her bed, fully clothed mind you. It's the first time I'd ever been in a woman's bedroom like that, and I must have caught maybe a third of the movie between mental distraction and about 15 minutes of making out. Asking if she wanted to go further, she acknowledged as I had our taking it slow but said she had "techniques" and would be worth the wait, and we ended on a good note it seemed, including offers for me to stay the night whenever. The next Sunday, a week before the last one, she even suggests I come over for her to make me dinner, which I proposed for last Friday. Her phone, which almost broke while I was there as she struggles to afford a case, finally did requiring her to wrangle with Boost and substitutes in the meantime. On Friday, she announces midday that she was running a fever after getting exposed to someone who tested positive for COVID at the local mom-and-pop florist, with whom she wasn't getting along anyway (there's some real localism around here, and being eccentric, a minority, LGBT, etc. together with being from out of town can be formidable barriers), and by this Sunday she revealed she was seeking work at a chain where I hope she'll find a better fit.
I'm more cautious than someone more naive like me a couple years ago might have been, but I'm curious as to the feedback you guys have on her behavior, how I can tease out rejection from taking it slow from bipolar. My friends are most concerned with her lack of custody over the kids, which she may be seeking out soon, and of course the "stepdad" issue is a conundrum that that would bring up. If I'm in over my head, that's probably why I don't envision marriage or kids, but more serious prospects don't seem to pop up. I feel a bit "behind in the game of life" sometimes, too old or average-looking for casual flings and not "together" enough for serious relationships with women my age unless there are asterisks like this, ones I'm willing to forgive as long as I don't have to deal with violent ex's, I.O.U.'s I can't deliver on, etc.
16 Feb 2022, 6:33 pm
), she doesn't seem into big social things & might be kinda introverted, & she wants to be involved with social work 
My major concern is that she has kids & might get custody of them. Like you OP I feel I have too many issues to be a parent & someone having kids or requiring kids after things were to get serious was one of the only couple real deal-breakers I had when it came to potential relationship partners. However her getting primary custody of her kids seems very iffy right now. A serious discussion about that would def be necessary before you guys get serious. But if not much is happening with the custody situation ATM, it might be good to wait a bit unless she starts the discussion.
Mental disorders like bipolar can be very different from autism but the people with em tend to relate somewhat to not being normal. They can potentially be more tolerant & willing to try to understand others who are different from the norm cuz of things like autism than the general population is. My current girlfriend may possibly be bipolar. She has sever depression & her moods can fluctuate a lot sometimes. Her most common mood is depressed but she has times where she's hyper or energetic. It does feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes(or lots of times) but I kinda learned to just roll with it instead of getting mad & directing it at her like I used to. I have waaay more than my fair share of faults, issues, & problems, & Cass does as well & we generally find each other to be more understanding & accepting of us than anyone else has been. We both worked on ourselves a lot & we both found psych meds that help us, thou it's a major trial & error process & we both have major room for improvement. Also just being there for each other & knowing that we have a rock to turn to & someone to back us up is a major help sometimes.
