How you got your partner

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Hi everybody out there,

I invite every member on this site to share your personal success stories, if any, related to dating and maintaining a good relationship
An example is a hetero man with high functioning autism finding a girlfriend. In this case one might ask

What did the first date look like..how was this chemistry created..what did the woman find attractive about you..what did the following dates look like

These are very crucial questions whose answers are of great benefit to a large number of people on this site. I hope this matter gets the attention it deserves!

I did not really do anything to "get a partner".  I simply tried to make myself more likeable/loveable.

Some things people tend to find attractive:

• Appearance/Hygiene
• Communication
• Confidence
• Eye-Contact
• Friendliness
• Generosity
• Honesty/Trustworthiness
• Humor
• Integrity/Reliability
• Listening
• Optimism/Positivity
• Sincerity
• Thoughtfulness

According to my wife, when she first saw me, she was impressed with my appearance and the way I interacted with others.  When we met, she was impressed with my intelligence, sense of humor, and my ability to listen.

I met my partner through a friend who invited me to come listen to his band play at a local bar. He also invited several of his workmates.
I was introduced to each of them and ended up talking to a couple of them most of that night, dancing to friend's band with them, etc.
Two of them asked to see me again, but neither of them followed through by calling me ( I had given them my ph #) . I went to see my friend play in his band again and one of those guys was there watching too. I went over and sat by him. I could see him brighten up and begin to pay attention. ( he told me he understood at that point that I liked him, he had been shy and unsure up to that point although he had been interested)
We talked and danced and he said he would call me. He did not.( more shy and not self confident, hating the idea of possible rejection)
One more time with the band and the interactions, we had got to know a bit about each other and had a lot in common. He was quiet and not a drunk. He was clean and polite and did not once talk dirty or behave in rude or crude or sexual ways to me. I did not get vibes he was aggressive. That was the decider for me.

He would respect me and listen to me and we had a lot in common. We did begin to see each other after that and spent a lot of time comparing interests, beliefs, values, etc.

We have been together over 40 years now.

I can't emphasize from the woman's perspective enough, if you want a lifelong partner, take your time sexually, be patient and don't be pushy or aggressive, suggestive, etc. ( compliments are OK, just admiration is OK, just not specific crude compliments)

Above all a lifelong partnership must be built on trust and shared interactions, not just on pushing your way to what you want and having no interest in what the other person thinks or feels as a person, long before the physical stuff comes along.
She is always the one who will choose who she sleeps with, make yourself somebody she can trust and who she feels safe and valued as a person, and the rest comes naturally.
Guys being wired differently fail to understand that the woman is not the same as a man in this way.
First we must feel appreciated, safe, and respected. It is wired into us/females as much as being on the hunt for new sexual opportunities is wired into males.

Considering that my 2 previous long term relationships were with people I believe to have been on the spectrum and began in atypical ways, the story of how I met my wife is quite conventional. So in the town where I was living, I became aware of some people who wanted to form a group for singles in their 20s and 30s and this group organized mixers and my wife came to one of those mixers. She and I went on 3 or 4 dates before we ended up in bed with each other. It didn't hurt that she was horny. Before her, I had briefly dated somebody else I met at one of the mixers who may had BPD which was a shame because the sex promised to be fairly decent. I also turned down another member of the group for reasons of cultural incompatibility with which she completely agreed once I explained. I was 31 at the time and 10 years earlier I would not have turned somebody down who showed such interest. One bit of evidence I suppose that I was ready for marriage.

I've met all 3 girlfriends I've had on online forums. The 1st was for a common interest & I've met my 2nd & current girlfriend on this forum. I never really done the whole dating thing with anyone. Those relationships were all long distance until I moved in with my current gf thou we did meet up some.

I may not be the best example for Aspies. I have various mental & physical issues & disabilities besides Aspergers & in some ways my personality within a romantic relationship is kinda the opposite of the stereotypical Aspie. I LOVE being affectionate & spending alot of time with my partner. I screwed up my 1st relationship by being too needy, clingy, & very unstable. I fell into a psychotic depression around the time the relationship ended. I tried working on myself in various ways since then. I tried various ways to get a girlfriend & I was single & looking for 8 years straight with no luck at all till I got my 2nd gf. She was more like the stereotypical Aspie who wanted more space & independence & I felt pushed away a lot. I started having similar problems as I did in my 1st relationship & that was one of the reasons she broke up with me. I realized a lot of it was due to BAD anxiety & BAD OCD & I started meds for that around the time the relationship ended. I got my current gf a few months later & she has some similar issues & problems as me. She's kinda needy, clingy, & unstable & has various mental & physical disabilities. Being supportive is one of my biggest relationship strengths since I've been there & my mental health is actually better with her than with my exes or when I was single & lonely & desperate for a relationship. Being on a good psych med combo helps a lot. There are lots of things that annoy & frustrate me sometimes but I'm able to bite my tongue a lot so to speak instead of going into Aspie meltdown mode. We had lots of bad arguments & fights in the beginning but we are committed to being together & trying to work things out. We are both loyal to a fault & feel like total cr@p after upsetting the other. Most anyone else woulda decided to end things with either of us early on. We both realize that we would have major problems in any relationship & by ourselves. We understand each other better than anyone else has & we are both better people with each other even if things are very far from perfect. Plus there are lots of things we love about each other.