Frustration approaching women

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I've been mulling over and over in my head if I should write this down, but because I don't really have someone, who understand the way 'stuff works' in my head and I do have the need to discuss this I am putting it on WP. So far I've mostly been lurching on the forums. Reading up on the different ways ASP influences peoples lives.

I must say, I've learned a great deal and I finally think I understand why I don't seem to be able to find a GF. (Meaning I only recently found out that the 'stupid game' involved in seduction isn't optional. I've never seen the necessity to use chat-uplines etc, but I never imagined how much non-verbal communication is involved in the process) Another problem I seem to have is that I am not attracted at all to 'standard' beauties. It is a very seldom situation that I am attracted to a woman based primarely on her looks. (For most other guys, having a great body seems to be enough ? I on the other hand seem to become attracted to girls b/c of the way they act, what they do, talk about etc. I usually find 'classic beauties' very boring..)

So now for the story I need to get of my chest and would like some input on
Last saturday I went to a club and I got some eyecontact with a girl (don't ask me how ) I was attracted to (Another thing I didn't expect ) I even had the guts to walk up to her and look her straight in the eyes (when passing her, the group I was with was going to get some drinks). I was planning on returning to her later, when something unexpected happened; she starting talking to me... (She said she really liked my dancing ) and I just completely frooze on the spot... I mumbled something along the lines of 'thanks' and quickly walked away. When I got myself together again, she was gone...

Now since saturday I've been beating myself up over this. The fact that this hasn't happened to me before coupled to the fact that it only very scarcely happens that I am attracted to someone like this time really makes my feel like 'I've missed my (one ?) chance...'
This really sucks, especially with my (NT ) friends telling me that I should be glad, because 'now I know that I am in the market'. (Meaning that noone seems to understand that I am unable to 'lower my standards'. Are NT's able to be attracted to anyone ???) Can anyone relate to what I am saying here and/or maybe give me some input ?

yes, that's my story, too. i had more opportunities like this, but i have missed them all. people say i am good looking, but that's not helpful anyway. needless to say, i have no advice for you...

Happens to me too. Indeed, even with
the same girl (with whom we've exchanged
words of love - after she found someone
else) again and again. I have no idea.

Hmm, I'd want to say de-emphasize the magnitude of the situation but sometimes that doesn't work either, its hard to really say what displays enough interest but at the same time isn't too much shyness.

I know the basics, not the advanced stuff but the basics and when I come across well people can be impressed when they learn I'm an aspie and doing this stuff. I ain't no Casanova, but socialising for me becomes more natural when I'm going for a girl which is strange because neurotypes find this harder than normal socialising... I'm the opposite I find normal socialising harder and going for girls easier. Don't forget the eyecontact that's probably the most important thing for first impressions. Smiling on occasion doesn't hurt either... try to get a few words in, which is much easier said than done... but so long as you get a few words in I find it doesn't matter if the person you're going after talks more so long as you say a few things... these are the basics imo and if you can begin to feel them more naturally then good for you, you could make some progress.

But remember: for those who find eyecontact a tricky thing and aren't accustomed to it (I still find it tough), don't do constant eyecontact. What I do is scan around with my eyes... sometimes not looking at them, sometimes looking at their eyes, sometimes looking at their nose or mouth... scan a bit, but not too fast lol. I've scanned a bit quick sometimes... when I'm nervous... I should slow down a bit on those occasions.

When the person you're after talks try to sound interested by replying in a more impressed tone of voice... this gets tiring but it is helpful.

I hope this helps.

I'm pretty hopeless too. Had missed opportunities and can't do initiation, fall for people who don't feel the same way. I'm starting to think you need to try at the earliest opportunity, I don't really know if I like someone till I've known them for a while. I find it hard to let people close, let a lone a stranger. I really hate my awkwardness in trying to deal with the whole situation. I wish I could do the non-verbal stuff. I’m pretty love shy and nervous around girls I like. It is difficult to put your neck on the line. I can sort of read between the lines sometimes, but it has never been a good feedback of yet. Well except when I don’t fancy them and they are really drunk or psychotic. I thought I knew my ideal type but I’m not really sure now.

I’m with you on not really liking 'classic beauties'.

Some groundrules may help:

1) Write out on a piece of card "I will take advantage of every opportunity that comes my way" then stick the card above your shaving mirror. By the time the piece of card falls off you should have this thought burned into your brain. Girls, write the message "if I am approached and the guy appears to be awkward I will be nice" and place it above your makeup mirror.

2) Nightclubs and bars are OK as places to meet members of the opposite sex but they're not the best. A much better idea are clubs and societies with a mixed membership, workplaces and other locations which you might attend on a regular basis. They may have changed since I last attended one but nightclubs always seemed to be a bit like cattlemarkets to me.

3) Spend lots of time watching and listening how NTs deal with social situations. Use these conversations for ideas of your own BUT DO NOT COPY THEM. You need to be natural and if you try acting out other peoples conversations word for word you will be found out.

4) There are no decent chat-up lines. None, zero, zilch, nada.

5) Relax and be yourself, dont try so hard as everything will come with time.

Ed Almos

That or some variation of that happens to me all the time. I get lots of looks from guys but I have no idea what to do about it. I don't know if I'll get help for it, but I am doing eye contact a little and then retreating like the little birdies who run from the waves on the beach. It doesn't get me anywhere, but it's a start.

I used to blame myself more but now I realize I don't have the same tools to do all of that eye contact and stuff as everyone else, so I'm less about beating myself up for it. I see you doing the same thing- finding some juncture where it "went wrong" and trying to figure out how you messed up. Well, you did your best, and maybe it wans't your fault at all, maybe her friends made her leave or something, you never know. Scrutinize it, but without the guilt or worry, and see if you can learn from it, then let it go. And you'll definitely have another chance, with someone!