A reconnection that went bad quick bc of course it did

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So, last week a rare occurence happened. I reconnected with a girl who I have a history with.

viewtopic.php?t=370608&hilit=+aspie+girlfriend

Yep. Her.

Despite some anxiety about this initially, her parents, who she no longer lives with(she lives with her aunt)have been a non factor. But that leaves room for other stuff to ruin this relationship.

We spent so much time hanging out. We ended up doing so for 7 consecutive days. Throughout that time, she spent some of that time calling other people on the phone. Some of them are guys who she used to date! At first I wasn't bothered by it, and then Monday happened. At 5:30 PM, we stopped at Hy Vee so that I could get a few things. One of said ex boyfriends calls and she picks up. For about 85% of the time between then and when I dropped her off at her apartment at 9:45 PM, she talked to him on the phone! I was not happy about that. My parents and my therapist agreed that this was not okay and that I needed to talk to her about it. When we were at her grandparents house on sunday and she was talking on the phone, her grandma called her out on it.

On Tuesday she told me she didn't want to hang out bc her depression was very bad. Because of this, I wanted to wait to talk to her about it. I got her to hang out with me on wednesday. We went out to eat, and she discussed us moving into an apartment together. She also said that she wanted to get a candle and was like "I was thinking you could help me out with that" because she has no $(She had her hours cut back at work). I told her that the more $ I spent on her, the less I would have. Then she asked me to bring her to a book store which we spent a long time at bc she just refused to leave. During a big chunk of that time, she talked to a female friend on the phone. When I dropped her off at her apartment, she told her friend that she would call her when she got in the apartment. But when I asked if I could call her she said "eh, I'm probably gonna binge something".

After I got home, I decided to talk to her about the phone calls.

She, despite me being someone she claimed to want to move into an apartment with, did not feel bad at f***ing all.

"If they call I'm gonna talk to them and that's not going to change".

What a b***h! How does someone not feel remorseful when their significant other tells them that they did something to upset them?

One of the primary people she's been calling is a guy she used to date who had a kid with someone else. And yet she claims said kid to be hers, going as far to say that she's willing to ADOPT him. When she was being defensive she said "he is my sons dad". HE'S NOT EVEN HER KID!! !! !! !!

After she basically said she wasn't bothered by my feelings, I decided to just let her text me again whenever she was ready to. She did so just a little bit ago and gave me an ultimatum(as if I was the one overstepping boundaries)to either suck it up or to say goodbye. This is too much of a mess for me to ignore that I chose the latter.

Whenever a girl is soooooo into me, she is either unattractive to me and/or has issues worse than mine. I still can't wrap my head around why it continues to be that way.

I wouldn’t stay with this person…..

There is a saying about old flames and reconnecting.

If you don't remember why it didn't work out the first time, you will be reminded of the reasons why.

Real people often have issues and people who have been diagnosed on the autism spectrum are more likely to have issues than average.

You gave no details how you happened to reconnect with this girl. I would need some sense of how that happened before having an opinion.

From what the OP wrote, this person is constantly talking to another ex on the phone—and treats him (the OP) with consistent disdain.

Obvious red flags. I’d rather be alone than hang out with such a person.

I generally keep away from partnering up with people with mental health problems. I find they're used suspiciously often as an excuse for someone to do what they like, when they like.

all you gotta do is click on the link I put in the OP and you’ll see what happened the first time. Spoilers: it had nothing to do with either one of us.

we were chatting on discord and suddenly she said “if you would give me another chance I would take it bc you were one of the best boyfriends I ever had”

Run away. Don't walk. Run.

In a way you were better off when she was under her parents' thumb when it was difficult to impossible to maintain one relationship (with you). Now that she is out in the world she is looking for the best offer.

no I was not bc her parents never gave an explanation for why things the way they were and didn’t care about mine or her feelings. So basically I was freed from one pile of s**t and got another in return.

Don’t expect commitment—that’s for sure.

If you want to do FWB and all that—cool.

But she seems too flighty for a commitment.

Did you use protection?

We didn't do anything, and I don't wanna talk about it 'cause it's annoying I haven't lost my v card yet. Although it's a good thing my first time won't be with her.

Ya know who else I'm pissed off at? The people she talked to on the phone who never once told her that she should just get of the phone and hang out with me. Instead they enabled the problem that ended our relationship.

*slams head into wall in frustration*

How did you go about broaching the subject of the phone calls?

Imo the best way to have approached that would have been not to focus so much on the phone calls themselves, but more the fact that you felt neglected or left out. If you make it all about the phone calls, she'll probably feel like you're trying to control her and stop her speaking to her friends.

Something to the effect of "Hey, I know you like talking to people on the phone, and I understand and respect that, but the last time we hung out, I felt like we didn't really get to do much together. It'd make me happy if in future, we could arrange to spend dedicated quality time with each other at least for some of the time we hang out."

The thing about the kid she thinks is hers is pretty strange.

Ok, that's pretty silly. It's not the responsibility of her friends to be monitoring how much time she's spending with you. The fact that you think her friends would or should even be thinking about that is strange. Especially when they're communicating through phone calls and they don't get to see how low the proportion of time she was actually spending with you was. I assume that they don't know how many hours you're actually spending with her at any given time.