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02 Aug 2007, 3:11 am

I met a guy here online three weeks ago and then we met up on my birthday and we like each other a lot. We have hung out like fives times already. I took him to the movie screening for The Simpsons Movie, I took him to Spokane and we had a blast there. We have also hung out in downtown and we plan to hang out again this Saturday before I need to head into work. He says he loves me and it makes me uncomfy so he tries not to say it. I just think it's naive to think you love someone after not knowing them very long. How long do you think I should wait till I decide to jump to another relationship with this guy? I just met him three weeks ago and I don't want to jump to having a relationship again too soon. I don't want to be dumb or naive by deciding to be this guy's GF too soon without waiting a while like maybe few months a year, I dunno how long I should wait.



BitterGeek
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02 Aug 2007, 3:22 am

Do you like this guy? Does he have the qualities you are looking for in a relationship?



DataSage
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02 Aug 2007, 3:35 am

If you like him, then try it. If you feel he's coming on too strongly, that's something you work through in the relationship. If you don't feel for him though, I don't think you should pursue it.



02 Aug 2007, 3:37 am

I like him a lot. We seem to have a lot in common and we seem to be lot alike. We also share the same symptoms. But my mother told me it wakes 3 to 6 months to really know the person. After about 3 months, you see changes in the person you met, sometimes it stays the same or there is some but not a lot. I am aware you can have strong feelings when you meet someone and after a while it goes away. I just don't know if it's lust or if we are just having strong feelings for each other and pretty soon, we both get tired of each other. That's why I don't want a relationship and this guy is having his hopes up we will fall into one and he thinks he loves me. I tell him we just met and he says we only known each other for three weeks. Yeah three weeks, that isn't a lot. Give it a few months or a year.



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02 Aug 2007, 3:47 am

Look. Take it a day at a time. You should sit down with this guy and talk it out. How much do you know about this guy? His values, interests, life pursuits, goals in life, etc.? Do they match or come close to yours (and what you are looking for a man)? If you two are compatible, stop worrying and just enjoy being with him. As long as you don't see any major deal breakers in this guy, it's going to work out. Don't sweat the small stuff. The small stuff can be worked out.



techstepgenr8tion
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02 Aug 2007, 4:19 am

Well, it could be a semantic problem on his side - that he wanted to let you know that he really enjoys your company but maybe didn't come up with the best way of saying it off the start (saying you 'love' someone that quick kinda isn't the best thing but if he has problems not seeming distant he may have felt it was better to at least say something than nothing at all).

Otherwise I'd try to get him to just relax, take things for where they're at and where you are on this. If you do want to hook up with him I would say give it more time but let him know in so many ways that what your really trying to do is get the both of you on the same page and if that's slowing his row a bit to meet yours then that's I guess what you'd want to do.



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02 Aug 2007, 4:29 am

The single most important part of ANY relationship is effective communication. Get together and get it together. Some aspies have some form of non-verbal learning disorder. He may lack the ability to eloquently communicate his interest and desire for you. Both of you need to sit down and talk it over.



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02 Aug 2007, 8:24 am

Yes, every relationship is different. Sometimes people can fall in love right away. It doesn't always take a long time.


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02 Aug 2007, 10:54 am

I always find it takes 3 months before my feelings settle down and I really know what I think of someone.


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02 Aug 2007, 11:42 am

I wish you 2 the best of luck as love for myself seems like spotting a shooting star, rare and it's over quicker then I know, I pray you find that place we all seek to be with each other as a compass and map!



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03 Aug 2007, 9:16 pm

likedcalico wrote:
I like him a lot. We seem to have a lot in common and we seem to be lot alike. We also share the same symptoms. But my mother told me it wakes 3 to 6 months to really know the person. After about 3 months, you see changes in the person you met, sometimes it stays the same or there is some but not a lot. I am aware you can have strong feelings when you meet someone and after a while it goes away. I just don't know if it's lust or if we are just having strong feelings for each other and pretty soon, we both get tired of each other. That's why I don't want a relationship and this guy is having his hopes up we will fall into one and he thinks he loves me. I tell him we just met and he says we only known each other for three weeks. Yeah three weeks, that isn't a lot. Give it a few months or a year.


Your mom's advice sounds good.



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04 Aug 2007, 3:23 am

I disagree with your mother's advice. It takes
living with someone for years to really know them.
I'm not saying jump right into things (though that
works well for me), but artificial time limits mean
nothing. Do what feels right.



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04 Aug 2007, 7:11 am

Pandora wrote:
Yes, every relationship is different. Sometimes people can fall in love right away. It doesn't always take a long time.


You fall in 'love' that quick and you're just as likely to fall out just as fast. Build up some strong foundations and get a feel for things. Think long term, if that's what you want. Plan ahead.


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calandale
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04 Aug 2007, 10:33 am

Mitch8817 wrote:
Pandora wrote:
Yes, every relationship is different. Sometimes people can fall in love right away. It doesn't always take a long time.


You fall in 'love' that quick and you're just as likely to fall out just as fast. Build up some strong foundations and get a feel for things. Think long term, if that's what you want. Plan ahead.


Well, having only failed relationships
(but never having fallen out of love),
I may not be the best choice to listen
to, but I disagree. I'm not sure what is
meant by 'that quick' but my wife moved
in with me the night we met. We fell in love
within the first couple weeks, and stayed together
for 11 years. I wouldn't give those years up
for anything.

The other couple of LTRs that I had also came from love,
fairly soon after the sex (hmm...should The Sex be capitalized
in this usage?). The first took some time for us to actually have
sex, but that was because she had to dispose of an unwanted
bf, who was my friend as well, in order to approach me. These
each lasted about three years.