Aspies do not get married or have children.

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UPDATE - Since folks are continuing to post some [understandably] heated comments on this thread, I thought it important to point out that the Yale Developmental Disabilities Clinic has posted a "disclaimer" [<-linked] saying that the doctors were "dreadfully misquoted" in the USA Today story. I invite folks to continue with the interesting discussion, but please take this into account.
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From: A long shadow is lifted on Asperger's in adults

Of course, my humble opinion is that Kathy needs a good slap upside the head. [I couldn't do it though; chivalry. Female volunteers?]

I love defying definition. Or, as Will put it:

"We defy augury!" - Hamlet

Good fortune,

- Icarus

Last edited by Icarus_Falling on 27 Jul 2007, 8:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'll volunteer.

I read something like this the other day - in some article, a pyschologist said that people on the autism spectrum would never say, "I love you."

What utter nonsense.

that makes me feel ever worse about my future, i must have a wife and kids, if i reach 40 and have not achieved it, i may give up on everything, im lucky to have 15.1 years left to acomplish this, not that i wanna rush, but i absolutly can say I love someone, just never have yet...

Indeed. Only social ability seems
to hinder. BUT, if she means that
one can't fall for prats like herself,
well, that's probably true.

I can honestly say I don't plan on getting married , but I do want to have at least one child because I have every right to no matter what science or doctors say. I'm willing to take that 50/50 chance that the child will turn out autistic even with a normal father and with my history of cancer which isn't genitic ,but it still a big factor if things go well. I read a psychologial report done by a doctor guy it mostly right ,but there are some things on my intelligence that i have to disagree with.

Good grief!
While it is true that most men of the world are glad that they're not my husband (I've had two say it to my face) I did find the one guy who was looking for a low-maintenance, intelligent, logical woman. Thirty-five years we've had now.
I've met so many married aspies that I wonder where she has been that she hasn't seen any?

I don't have a problem with the statements..

"Almost by definition, an Asperger's person would not form an intimate relationship, get married and have children," says research scientist Katherine Tsatsanis of the Yale Developmental Disabilities Clinic. "They don't form connections. The desire, the drive and the social knowledge is lacking."


I think they're generally accurate.

I have never married (shrug), and the last thing I would ever do is have children, ugh.

I think you CAN define autism by a failure to form relationships, generally. I don't form connections, the social knowledge is certainly lacking.

But then, I have a dx of Asperger's. People who strongly disagree with those statements may need to look at other dx's. It is a disability of social intelligence, of course it strongly affects the ability to form relationships.

Last edited by Postperson on 24 Jul 2007, 6:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

yes, i am also willing to weight the risks, and dont nessissarily have to get married eather, just want to be able to provide as best as i can, i dont need some grand reception to show the world whoever she may someday be and me are a couple. Just being the best provider possible and showing her i love her is all i need for me to know we r together.

Sorry to be contrary, and contrary at the same time, but I rather agree with Postperson.

I have periods where I am bitter and lonely and long for a "connection" with someone. But for most of the time, a relationship just seems more trouble than it's worth, and being left alone seems like paradise on earth.

I'll slap her silly for awhile. Looking back on it though...the marriage decision had to be a blonde moment...

My son? They told me I probably wouldn't ever have kids...someone got their facts wrong. Don't regret that for a moment though...he's amazing.

I hope you're not too sorry; I'm finding the variety of opinions interesting, and I thank everyone for commenting; that is why I posted this here, to see some responses and hopefully start a discussion; and I'm glad people are commenting. I read the forums here and keep track of things; I posted link and quote knowing that many people here are married, or in relationships; I also know many people here have serious issues with relationship, maintaining them and often forming them at all; I'm in the dubious position of being in both boats.

My opening statements were admittedly overly bold, by design; I was curious to see how many might join me in my outrage, and how many might dissent; I expected a mixture, and I'm happy I got one. The statement I quoted is somewhat vague in places. Maybe it's partially correct; maybe its correct sometimes; maybe its correct for me and not for you, or visa versa. But I think she made the statement too strong, "by definition" people with AS have no "desire" to form relationships; I think this is wrong, and misleading. As usual, I like calandale's take, that social ability (or inability) is a hindrance; I thought the implied total lack of desire would set the wrong impression with people unfamiliar with AS, and this aggravated me. But that's just me; I'm glad to know what you all think.

I know my own non-verbal autistic son loves me, even though he can't express himself with words. And he reminds me of myself in more ways that I can count.

Good fortune,

- Icarus

True true Icarus.

The original statement as it stood was disturbingly insulting to anyone on the Autistic spectrum. I was more pointing out that while many here were decrying that they crave a strong relationship and a connection with people, I find that when I am confronted with the prospect of a connection it is off putting. I found I had the desire to make the content of the comments I did because of the "I'm so lonely" threads in the haven tend more to be along the lines of people wanting a connection of the same type that NT's desire.

And as far as that is concerned, I don't desire it all. I am completely lacking in that regard. I don't desire it, and I would say I would abhor it. Now that I understand AS and what it means I am comfortable in the fact and honest with myself enough to say that I want a connection of the type and intensity that is appropriate for me.

As for the comments by Katherine Tsatsanis, if I saw her I would have to supress the desire to sock her, and yell at her for spreading misinformation. It just strikes me as more NT misunderstanding. I believe I have a great capacity for love and or personal connection with other people. I am well aware that it is not the same as an NT's description of the same however.

Sorry posted while I am in a rush, so I'll leave it there, and clarify any points later. That's the raw aspie end of it though I'll add some NT spitshine and shoepolish (read: tact) later

Well, as long as they only seem to aknowledge people who fit their stats as real aspies its not surprising. What really disgusts me is that for those aspies who really don't know themselves or AS well enough to take all this for what it is its terrible. At least on the bright side people are starting to realize that a lot of these college professors, even at Yale, are political zealots and that half of what comes out of their mouths is about as valid or realistic as a Michael Moore movie. Socialists and the so-calles 'feminists' haven't really been our friends in the past and its the same problem people rave on about with the right - their empathy quotients are pretty badly stunted and you can see why, they modify their reality to fit them rather than taking it for what it is and maybe dealing with their own phobias and issues about the world around them.

Preach it friend.

Autism and Aspergers really have absolutely no friends because of the phobias and stigmas surrounding them.. Anything that looks like it may be our friend simply wants to cure us.. not help us...
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Kathy is describing the outdated stereotype of a person with Aspergers. We are capable of feeling love, or atleast I know I am.

Well, don't know that I'm playing that angle but still - I'm really glad that most people are inert enough opinion-wise that they don't just jump to taking reports like that to heart.

I'm glad I never married and had children. Aside from the AS, I had other issues that would have made me a poor husband and father. Still, I fell in love three times. One was a Queen B---h. the other two were angels and I still miss them. These three women were the only people I liked to hug and cuddle with.

I noted the one Yale yutz said she does more un-diagnosing than diagnosing. Does she think that if someone has a long-term intimate relationship, they can't be an Aspie? Does she automatically un-diagnose anyone with more than a few friends or a life?

I suppose the anti-Attwoods were inevitable. Sheesh!