Nice Guys suck...

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...at least according to the definition of "Nice Guys" on this site:

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... s/ng.shtml

I just spent hours poring the wealth of information on this site. While some of the generalizations might alienate us on the AS side, overall I think it is a very accurate and insightful series of articles. These women tell it like it is. Let me know what you think.

Also, this section entitled "The RED FLAG List - Warning signs that He (or She) is BAD NEWS..." is definately worth reading:

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/ ... list.shtml

I've found that site very useful in the past. I agree with many of their observations about "nice" guys. I used to have a guy friend who was always complaining about how girls didn't like him because he was nice, and I always wanted to say, "But, um.... you're not actually nice..."

edit: That Something Positive cartoon is

http://www.heartlessbitches.com/

That website is very well worth a good look. I don't think it's about having a predator's way of thinking, it's about how you feel about yourself and what you have to change about how you feel about yourself. Does some of the content give you a bit of an uncomfortable feeling -like somebody holding a mirror to your face? To me that means there's something we have to address, acknowledge for what it is, and change it to something more favorable.

I am a nice guy too but there have been times I've had to "play tough" when noticing certain issues on the other side.

I agree and also people who go out of their way to try to be individual clones.

I am happy with the approval I get from being a heartlessbitch fan boy

Aspies ,like me, are different from NT nice guys. NT nice guys often have hidden aggression and frustration of being at the bottom of the social pecking order. What heartless b*****s say is let some of that anger out.

The situation is different for me. I by nature do not care about NT social nit picking and tiny little social misdemeanours against me. If it doesn’t cost me a quarter then I don’t care. NTs nit pick anything as an excuse to be aggressive and confrontational. As a result it get them higher up the social pecking order to become Alpha. Wolves also use this approach as well, but NTs generally will use more social manipulative skills.

Those petty social issues don’t bother me; half the time I don’t even see them. What can I do, invent crap to be angry about, just to appear assertive. Yes I get assertive whenever I want to do something and someone is stopping me, but most of the time I don’t give a damn.

Yes I like to argue about scientific facts but NTs don’t. They think I am big headed and arrogant. I get thing like “you think are always right”. Thing is, what I know to be true can be looked into and researched. Even if they wanted to use a search engine, that would be ok by me, but they don’t they don’t have the time.

Should I ever attempt to say that someone has Aspergers is wrong, as only the doctor in his infinite knowledge could know. But every bad boy NT diagnoses everyone else, knows how everyone else should behave, including me of coarse, who analyses things too much as is far to big headed. All people judged by them without any science support their certainty, just what they call life experience.


So heartless b*****s website will not be much good to an aspie unless you are an angry aspie.

That website is more for spotting dysfunctional guys with personality disorders or for spotting players who'll say anything to get down your pants. There 's an article on there about emotional abusers that I printed out and gave to my ex one of the last times I left him. He told me he read it to spite me but couldn't help seeing a lot of himself in it. It led to him getting diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

I don't think the articles really apply to guys with AS. There's a difference between being a nice guy in disguise and being nice because you're an aspie who doesn't see the point in the games most guys play.

I was thinking the same thing. Those two sites reek of generalizations.

Tim

Usually "nice" guy, so-proclaimed, are a) not nice or b) not aggressive. Either way, your chances of scoring a good woman are low if you're not a) aggressive, because even Aspie women want you to prove that you're "really" interested in them and willing to invest in cultivating a relationship with them. B) If you're a prick and not aggressive, than you're just a pathetic prick after all...
I read so many of these complaints by AS guys and then it turns out they just weren't assertive or unwilling to realize that socializing takes PRACTICE for us on the A. spectrum. Period. We can each of us always be improving our selves, regardless of whether I'm talking making friends or being better thinkers and just about anything else you can think of

I get the same feeling and I wonder even with NT's how much that's reality vs. the exception. To me it just seems like women subconsciously or consciously feel guilty about not being into less macho sorts (its biology so its not like they want to be cold to these guys, it just happens) and they're best defense against that guilt is a good rationalization; so while its true that there are plenty of d****ebags masquerading as 'nice' its also true that this works well as a band-aid for everyone else.

I wish I was a pretty little Japanese girl. All I would have to do to attract someone is buy nice clothes, do make up and lose some weight.

Wow... I think Im about half that list.

They got me on 37
37" He mentions how he has a high IQ, and not many people "understand him."

But I am so surprised some NTs come with all this stuff.

Something else too on that last part; the thing that makes that particularly hard on this site is the distances - you really need to talk to someone for a while and feel like you've got a good head to head and heart to heart connection before you want to talk to someone about relocating or either of you getting a plain ticket; its like you're both doing yourselves a disservice unless you really have a good idea of what your getting into. What does work on here, at least from what I see, is when lifestyles and mindsets just mesh that well; IRL I think it would be way easier and that's why a lot of us (particularly) will be dating more open minded NT's. Its a demographic and availability issue as well as the fact that I think it takes a very particular subset of aspies/auties to actually have an A to A relationship be something so much better and above what they could find with an NT who fits them well that they'd throw down on closing that much of a geographic difference let alone leaving everything they know behind for a relationship.



I'm starting to realize I could re-sexualize myself in those ways but it would take a lot of weed over a long time to really bring that side into full sober consciousness (probably not the best idea with the job I have either). The social part I'm at least pretty good on, I can go to almost any house party and have people like "Wow, this guy's really stand up - I like him", as for making a pass though the trouble is my view on who'd even be right for me has been jostled around so much that I don't think I'd even know unless I got myself in a relationship and found out (which makes showing interest a lot trickier - I'm far more worried about getting a yes that I really didn't want than a no). True, you can be friends first but I've found that with me women tend to be very quick on the all or nothing - getting them to take it down a notch and know me first has been very difficult.

I also realize that I'm not bad looking and I could easily just make my rounds and tap a lot of things for the sake of gaining experience. On the other hand that's how my roommate operates and I've learned by watching him that it really doesn't do anything for you inwardly, in fact it makes you feel even more hollow, kinda dirty, and if you do meet someone who you'd really been waiting for you end up wondering if your too much of a skank to deserve them. In other words that's a trap I'll definitely take a pass on, even if it is good for mental-mode and sort of gender 'role playing' experience I just don't want to see that sort of guy when I look in the mirror, at that point there's really no way to fully recover who you were beforehand.

I guess the definition of nice is highly subjective but whatever it is
and regardless if a man is really nice or acting nice or just thinks he nice women largely do not want overly nice men as romantic partners. They want a normal man with some rough edges.

I just looked it over more carefully, I fit about 20 of them already and I've never been in a real relationship before. This could be why.

In other words don't be this guy. Sorry Clive.