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Zara
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04 Aug 2007, 3:02 pm

Ok, so this is something that has been stuck in my head for a while now.
A few weeks ago I was in contact with a girl who showed interested in the both us meeting up at Otakon. However it didn't happen since I missed my chance to give her my contact info.
We messaged back a forth for a bit after the convention about stuff we did there even though we didn't meet. The messages just kind of withered off after that.

I keep wondering if I should offer for us to try and meet up and do something else again. Though it's hard for to me to think of something else to do...
I mean I keep reasoning with myself that we were going to meet anyway if I had acted just a bit sooner, so would there be any harm in trying to do something else?

Then the way our messages just wavered off... I think it just ended because she wasn't asking any questions of myself to keep it going. If someone doesn't act in a reciprocal way when talking I just stop because I feel like I'm imposing myself unnecessarily. So I wonder then that maybe it wouldn't be worth trying to do anything more and just let it go.

I don't want to give off the wrong impression either. I don't have any crush on her or anything, but I do find her a bit interesting from what I know about her.

So have I lost my chance already and should let it go? Should I try to make some kind of offer? Or maybe I should just try to get the communication going again before making an offer?...
I don't like thinking about this too much because it's just making me anxious and distracted.



calandale
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04 Aug 2007, 3:11 pm

Drop her a message, saying that you
miss the contact, and noting that you
are bad at keeping such things up.
(though not necessarily others :twisted: )

See where it goes from there.



Redrocket
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04 Aug 2007, 3:58 pm

If you have her e-mail address think about e-mailing her a message or something asking how she's doing and take it from there.



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04 Aug 2007, 4:00 pm

If you have her cellphone number, call her & see what her impression is from there.
If she doesn't call you back within a week, forget about her & let her go.


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Zara
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04 Aug 2007, 10:29 pm

Well I messaged her asking what she's up to nowadays and talked a bit about what anime and manga into right now.(Hey she's into that stuff too so it's a valid topic).

Actually what's funny is that she does have my number when I gave my contact info. From what I know of her she doesn't like phone talking so I suggested she text message me(which works for me anyway).

Anyway, she probably will respond... just not sure where I'll take it from there.



Zara
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06 Aug 2007, 6:04 pm

Well yeah, she responded and everything. Again, not really any questions on her part...

I don't why I want her to ask things about me. I guess it would give me something to go on. I honestly don't know either way if she fine talking to me or just wants me to buzz off. She is a shy type, so maybe that's why she isn't asking anything... but she still answers my questions fully...
Anyway, I'll keep messaging her for a bit more and see where it goes.



kclark
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07 Aug 2007, 12:36 pm

I don't think I have too much to offer in terms of advice, but I find it hard to ask people things. Pretty much any question is hard for me to come up with. I have not been able to go to my mom and ask her what I was like when I was younger. I have been trying on and off for a couple of weeks now, but I always freeze up when trying to ask a question.
Making a statement or answering questions is so much easier than asking them for me. I find the reciprocating with a question to keep the conversation going to be the hardest part for me. I usually have no response after answering their question or listening to their comment or I end up stating some factoid that pops into my head. Usually not to good for keeping a conversation going.



Zara
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10 Aug 2007, 3:19 pm

So I think I've scared her off now.

Didn't get anywhere close to bringing up meeting up again.
Just kept it casual and simple...

:(



gwenevyn
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10 Aug 2007, 6:44 pm

Zara wrote:
So I think I've scared her off now.

Didn't get anywhere close to bringing up meeting up again.
Just kept it casual and simple...

:(


I've now been in your situation twice, I think.

I don't know how to read it, either. :(

Usually, I think I depend a lot on the other person to keep conversation going. When I'm the more talkative of the two, I feel uncertain and possibly unliked (maybe the other person is trying politely to convey disinterest, you know?), so I'm reluctant to continue until I get some reciprocation. Several months ago I just plain stopped talking to a guy I was interested in, because he didn't ask questions. It was really confusing to me because he wrote me huge, long emails, but didn't directly communicate wanting to know more about me. I couldn't cope with the mixed signals I was getting. It's not in my nature to be the "aggressor" so to speak.

But it really bums me out, anyhow. Being a reasonably good-looking girl, I usually don't have to pursue at all, so it's disconcerting and disappointing to dabble in the chasing side of things and get a reaction like that, especially when I really like the person a lot.

So anyhow, I hear you.



techstepgenr8tion
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10 Aug 2007, 7:17 pm

gwenevyn wrote:
Usually, I think I depend a lot on the other person to keep conversation going. When I'm the more talkative of the two, I feel uncertain and possibly unliked (maybe the other person is trying politely to convey disinterest, you know?), so I'm reluctant to continue until I get some reciprocation. Several months ago I just plain stopped talking to a guy I was interested in, because he didn't ask questions. It was really confusing to me because he wrote me huge, long emails, but didn't directly communicate wanting to know more about me. I couldn't cope with the mixed signals I was getting. It's not in my nature to be the "aggressor" so to speak.


My experience is that I've been that kind of guy to where I would really get into detail, talking about a lot of things, pouring out a lot of consciousness, but I always really hoping that I was throwing a tangent out there that she could grab and go on with herself. I think a lot of guys feel invasive asking too many questions, we're interested, we want to know, but we want to meet in a place where it doesn't feel forced on our part. Questions can be a double edged sword in and of themselves just because you almost have to know the person a bit to have the thirst for knowledge about them and as well to have enough to go on to actually ask the right questions (its not even just a performance thing, we want to be on the up and up).

gwenevyn wrote:
But it really bums me out, anyhow. Being a reasonably good-looking girl, I usually don't have to pursue at all, so it's disconcerting and disappointing to dabble in the chasing side of things and get a reaction like that, especially when I really like the person a lot.


Well, its like a lot of women test guys in certain ways, intelligent guys test women in ways just to know that they're safe with em. That's the thing though, they need authenticity of connection for trust and a lot of that I think is your ability to roll off the tangents that they put out there and talk about yourself enough to where they feel safe knowing that your secure and stand-up enough to do so.



gwenevyn
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10 Aug 2007, 8:56 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Well, its like a lot of women test guys in certain ways, intelligent guys test women in ways just to know that they're safe with em. That's the thing though, they need authenticity of connection for trust and a lot of that I think is your ability to roll off the tangents that they put out there and talk about yourself enough to where they feel safe knowing that your secure and stand-up enough to do so.


I can roll off the tangents.

But the feeling secure about myself part, I guess I can't do.



Zara
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10 Aug 2007, 8:57 pm

Yep, that's pretty the way I've been feeling about this situation. Though I like hearing from her, without any active interest from her I don't know she likes talking with me or is really looking for a way out and just wants to be polite. It's been making me paranoid thinking about it.

Well I think she's given up since it's been two days since she read my last message. I'm just going to let her go.



violentcloud
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10 Aug 2007, 8:59 pm

Should've kidnapped her while you still had the chance.



calandale
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10 Aug 2007, 11:46 pm

violentcloud wrote:
Should've kidnapped her while you still had the chance.


Always good advice :P

Seriously, letting something pass a certain
point in time, without totally being with someone
seems like a recipe for disaster for me. I've never
managed to hold someone without fully committing
in both directions.



Zara
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15 Aug 2007, 12:51 pm

I would have thought this thread was sunk to the 2nd page by now, but since it isn't...

I'm still talking with her online. I up and told her if I was annoying her or being too intrusive that she didn't have to talk to me.
Well she said she doesn't mind the questions and thinks it's nice to have someone to correspond with.
So we're still talking about whatever... or her just answering my questions to be more accurate...

I don't know anymore what to think. I guess we'll just be friends. I'd still love it if she showed some interest in me, my life, what i think about this or that... but I guess it's not going to happen.

I don't feel paranoid anymore which is good, yet not really that happy either... :?