gwenevyn wrote:
Usually, I think I depend a lot on the other person to keep conversation going. When I'm the more talkative of the two, I feel uncertain and possibly unliked (maybe the other person is trying politely to convey disinterest, you know?), so I'm reluctant to continue until I get some reciprocation. Several months ago I just plain stopped talking to a guy I was interested in, because he didn't ask questions. It was really confusing to me because he wrote me huge, long emails, but didn't directly communicate wanting to know more about me. I couldn't cope with the mixed signals I was getting. It's not in my nature to be the "aggressor" so to speak.
My experience is that I've been that kind of guy to where I would really get into detail, talking about a lot of things, pouring out a lot of consciousness, but I always really hoping that I was throwing a tangent out there that she could grab and go on with herself. I think a lot of guys feel invasive asking too many questions, we're interested, we want to know, but we want to meet in a place where it doesn't feel forced on our part. Questions can be a double edged sword in and of themselves just because you almost have to know the person a bit to have the thirst for knowledge about them and as well to have enough to go on to actually ask the right questions (its not even just a performance thing, we want to be on the up and up).
gwenevyn wrote:
But it really bums me out, anyhow. Being a reasonably good-looking girl, I usually don't have to pursue at all, so it's disconcerting and disappointing to dabble in the chasing side of things and get a reaction like that, especially when I really like the person a lot.
Well, its like a lot of women test guys in certain ways, intelligent guys test women in ways just to know that they're safe with em. That's the thing though, they need authenticity of connection for trust and a lot of that I think is your ability to roll off the tangents that they put out there and talk about yourself enough to where they feel safe knowing that your secure and stand-up enough to do so.