Do you think I'm rushing it ?

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I know I have written a number of threads expressing my frustration and concerns about not having been in a relationship up to now in my early 30s as well as other things about not having had sex by a ''certain age'' because I'm worried thinking that to have sex at a later age is ''abnormal'', not have a long term relationship and have a child by certain age like my sister who is 3 years younger than me and has a 3 year old son, not having my own house, not having had a large circle of close friends to go out with on occasions, not going out to other places well outside my comfort zone such as travelling abroad, not going out to places that other people go to to socialise, not being somebody with a great job with lots of money, a flashy car and stuff like that (a thing that social media and adverts (commercials) keep making young people to achieve otherwise if they don't then they are ''nothing'').

I really can't understand why I am doing this, because I can clearly see that it is not making me any happier and I know forcing myself to compare to others and rushing to find a relationship will not make me feel any better and will probably make me feel more frustrated and unhappy. People even tell me that I am not the only one to feel this way and that there probably lots of people out there feeling like this but I still feel like only one and think that other people my age or younger have achieved more, experienced more (even with little effort), and do more exciting and fulfilling things going out to places and seeing the world and here I am not experiencing what they are experiencing.

No I feel the same way

I feel that I NEED to get married, get a job/career, and even possibly have a child before I am 40 which is part of the reason I'm rushing to find a partner ASAP!

And I haven't had sex yet either

The other driving force for my desire of marriage is my mom

She has dementia and is the only parent left who can see me walk down the aisle!

(my dad died in 2019)

But I know I will eventually find a partner or soulmate even if it is after I turn 40 because I believe in and trust the process

Even at 40 I could still wear an off-the-shoulder or strapless wedding dress

Maybe what I am trying to say is I need to find a partner and get married before I get too old to get away with wearing a sexy wedding dress

Love doesn't have a time limit and shouldn't be constrained by time!

It's hard to get your mind off having a sense of lagging behind and I think autistics are especially vulnerable to that mindset.

I'm a bit rushy but never set out to be like that other than with virginity which i decided to get out the way. It's surprising how many people haven't got flashy cars (if at all), houses or good jobs though.

Not reaching certain goals is much better than faking it until you make it. It's best to be modest and very mediocre rather than snobby and mediocre by pretending. It's easy to spot and my aunt is terrible for it. She considers herself as wealthy middle class but hasn't got a single qualification under her belt and anything of worth that she has in her life came from her wealthy husband and people laugh at her including me.

I also decided to get sex out of the way, even though it was with my plush of SpongeBob SquarePants it still felt like REAL sex!

I am working on finding my life partner (soulmate) which is where true human sex will occur

He is most likely waiting for me in Day Program...



EDIT: As for why I'm "lagging behind" it's partially because of my disability making it hard to become independant and also because I have been set back 3 years due to being my mom's caregiver

But now my mom is in a permanent rest home so she is out of the picture, meaning that other than turbulence from my brother trying to slow me down there should be nothing stopping me from pursuing & reaching my goals!

It won't happen overnight though

If I end up breaking up with Jerry I will have to meet someone new and date them for 6 months or even a whole year before marriage can happen!

I am willing and ready to fight hard for my dreams!! !

That is most likely the route I will take if I ever decide I want a kid because I'm scared of labor and childbirth!

I would rather go through a surrogate

I'm looking

Jerry isn't "the one"!