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How do I play this?

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CryingForHelp
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 19 Jun 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 80

28 Jun 2023, 12:30 pm

Someone who is a couple hours away from me offered to be friends and said she can reach to me when she’s in town, which is where her best friend lives.

I told her that could work for me.

What do I say to her when I let her know I can start as friends, or we can take things slow, but I can’t only be friends and nothing beyond that?

Or, I could have a friendship with her if she were to refer me to one of her friends. That might not sound too nice, but I know what I want and don’t want to pretend or waste time, either.

I could be very loyal and very loving to a person, but I don’t want to get hurt yet again when almost all I know is pain/rejection.

Thank you.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: New York City (Queens)

28 Jun 2023, 1:47 pm

CryingForHelp wrote:
Someone who is a couple hours away from me offered to be friends and said she can reach to me when she’s in town, which is where her best friend lives.

In what kind of context did she "offer to be friends"? And where and how did you first encounter her?

CryingForHelp wrote:
I told her that could work for me.

What do I say to her when I let her know I can start as friends, or we can take things slow, but I can’t only be friends and nothing beyond that?

Or, I could have a friendship with her if she were to refer me to one of her friends. That might not sound too nice, but I know what I want and don’t want to pretend or waste time, either.

Your answers to my questions above will help to determine how best to say this, or whether it's even appropriate at all to say anything even remotely like it.


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CryingForHelp
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 19 Jun 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 80

28 Jun 2023, 1:55 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
CryingForHelp wrote:
Someone who is a couple hours away from me offered to be friends and said she can reach to me when she’s in town, which is where her best friend lives.

In what kind of context did she "offer to be friends"? And where and how did you first encounter her?

CryingForHelp wrote:
I told her that could work for me.

What do I say to her when I let her know I can start as friends, or we can take things slow, but I can’t only be friends and nothing beyond that?

Or, I could have a friendship with her if she were to refer me to one of her friends. That might not sound too nice, but I know what I want and don’t want to pretend or waste time, either.

Your answers to my questions above will help to determine how best to say this, or whether it's even appropriate at all to say anything even remotely like it.


We’re talking on a dating app. We haven’t met in person.

Here’s her message.

‘(My name), would you be interested in being friends? And I can reach out to you when I’m in (Insert town name here)?’

We’d just been making small talk so far.



Mona Pereth
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Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: New York City (Queens)

28 Jun 2023, 4:33 pm

Given that you first encountered her on a dating app, it's probably okay to say something like: "Yes, but only if you are open to at least the possibility of an eventual romantic relationship. I'm on this app to look for a romantic relationship, but I'll understand if you want to be cautious and take things slow."


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


CryingForHelp
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 19 Jun 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 80

28 Jun 2023, 5:00 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Given that you first encountered her on a dating app, it's probably okay to say something like: "Yes, but only if you are open to at least the possibility of an eventual romantic relationship. I'm on this app to look for a romantic relationship, but I'll understand if you want to be cautious and take things slow."


Okay. Thank you.



ClosetothSupperBrick
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 27 Jun 2023
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 7
Location: U.S.

28 Jun 2023, 8:41 pm

Hope it works out for you! Being strung along as a friend for someone you encountered in a romantic context is not fun. However, a friendship might be worth taking up if her response to the message above (proposed by the other poster here) is that she cannot see it becoming a relationship. I'm sure the rejection would sting (it has for me, speaking from personal experience!), but you'll get past it.. she could become a resource for you to learn about women for future dating app ventures (in addition to the main reason of her offering companionship, of course).



CryingForHelp
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

Joined: 19 Jun 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 80

29 Jun 2023, 5:37 am

Thank you.