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Watchtower
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09 Aug 2023, 5:59 am

I'm going to try to make this brief.

In February, I met a girl in therapy. She was 18, my age, back then. We'll call her Abby. The reason we met was because I doubted my autism diagnosis, and I didn't have any friends, so, my therapist searched some for me (I know, lame that I had to resort to this, even though, appreciated).

So, we talked for like 5 minutes, one day I was leaving my session, and hers was starting. Our therapist helped us to carry a simple conversation. She seemed awkward, and like if she wasn't expecting or wanting to meet me.

Anyway, I was able to get her phone number through her mom (with Abby's consent, of course).
We texted each other, and quickly became great friends, (or at least, that's what I want to believe).
We talked everyday. Since we woke up, till we fell asleep. Even, she texted me at times when she shouldn't (middle of the class), and sent me pictures to make me feel closer to her. She did seem very interested, regardless of my first experience. She told me she was just nervous when we first met.

I'm a Technology nerd, and she's a physics nerd. It's not nearly as close as being the same thing, but it's the closest I've found to a girl that shares my interests (and my level of obsession with them).
We even set up a date, with a fixed day and location. I was very excited because I've never been on a date before.

But... It was still not enough. We quickly noticed that, even though, we agreed on 90% of the stuff, we didn't know how to react when the other was infodumping, because the other person, honestly, didn't care that much, or could understand, even if we tried.

This is where I feel that the friendship started to deteriorate. We didn't know what to say, and the thing that ruined all was a pretty stupid philosophical/political debate. We originally agreed on a lot of stuff, and then, she changed her mind.

Eventually, she just stopped talking to me. Never confirmed the date, so nothing happened, even if it was just days away. So close, and yet, so far. It was like if life laughed in my face again.

She ghosted me for like a month. And I know it's pathetic as hell, because we only texted for like 2 weeks, and just saw each other in real life once. But I still kept feeling guilty and crying all over it, trying to ask her forgiveness, but things were already broken. I literally thought about her everyday, for some months. And now that I think about it, she probably didn't even care about me that much from the beginning.

Like the clown I am, I talked to her a couple of times. She did reply a couple of times, but did ghost me in the end. Our last conversation was 2 months ago. She just saw my messages, but decided to left me on read. I may be autistic, but I know that's a passive-aggressive way of saying: "Stop talking to me, creep". Which is a little odd to me, because it didn't seem like our last conversation was very one sided nor dry. But I don't know.

I always thought of the posibility of her being really busy. I mean, nothing revolves around me... But back went I sent the message, she wasn't busy, and even if she was, she's already on vacation, so, I think I'm sure that she's ignoring me on purpose. Again, not the first time it happens.


I just wanted to ask if you guys think I should sent her a last message, asking if she really does want to keep talking. Damn, even if just as friends, because loneliness is hitting hard.

Our psychologist knows about our discussion, and she knows that I felt bad about it, but I don't think she knows how bad it makes me feel, how guilty and depressed I feel. And I don't really want to tell her, because it's awkward as hell, and if Abby finds out, she's gonna hate me more.



DuckHairback
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09 Aug 2023, 6:55 am

I would say no.

When someone is pulling away from you like this I think you should let them go, hard as it is.

There are two scenarios I can see.

First, it was you - you did something that she didn't like. And she doesn't like you enough to do you the courtesy of telling you what it was. In this scenario, contacting her will only add to any negative feelings she has about you. You can't do any good here.

The second scenario is more hopeful. That it's nothing you did, she's dealing with something else and it's making her behave in this way. Even so, you shouldn't contact her again. You've already shown you care, you've opened the lines of communication and she's ignored you more than once. Now, your best hope is that time will resolve whatever she's dealing with and she'll regret torching your friendship. In this case you want it to be as easy as possible for her to re-establish contact. The more times she's ghosted you, the more guilt she'll have about it and the less likely it is she'll contact you. Again, you can't do any good here.

So that's my advice. Let her go, assume it's terminal and try to move on. If she gets back in touch, that's great. If she doesn't, oh well.


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rse92
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09 Aug 2023, 7:29 am

She does not want to talk to you anymore. What you want really doesn't make a difference.

You need to move on. You should think about lessons you learned or should have learned from this experience.



Watchtower
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09 Aug 2023, 1:29 pm

Thanks for the replies, guys. I appreciate it!



blitzkrieg
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09 Aug 2023, 3:55 pm

rse92 wrote:
She does not want to talk to you anymore. What you want really doesn't make a difference.

You need to move on. You should think about lessons you learned or should have learned from this experience.


^ This.

From what the OP has said, the relations between him and whoever are dead. :skull:

Let the thing rest in peace.



Rainbow_Belle
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11 Aug 2023, 5:15 am

Your right wing pro-Trump rant would have scared her off. Next time do not talk politics. No need to contact her again.



Watchtower
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13 Aug 2023, 5:09 pm

Uhhh, Rainbow_Belle, I'm not in favor of Trump, quite the opposite. I'm more of a leftist, and I'm not even from the US. It's a little sad that you supposed that about me...

Edit: I'm a mexican myself, it wouldn't make any sense. Why did you just take these things for granted?