Feel like online dating just isn't for me

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Hollywood_Guy
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31 Jul 2023, 4:33 pm

I have several active online dating and meeting apps (including one paid that the subscription will expire in a few months), and over the several years I was on many of these apps on and off, I had an average reply rate of 0. My hypothesis is that I am too "average" looking in my photos (or lack of diversity of) and perhaps I am saying things in my profile in the "wrong" way, so in that I think the incel/redpill crowd is on to something.

I could ask or get feedback on what I can do to maximize my online dating app "potential" but then I wonder what's the point, I am not entitled to any person but if I'm looking for something like a relationship or *gasp* sex, then we shouldn't have to work harder and harder just to earn one date or establish yourself in the market. I'm losing faith that online apps are even worth it or don't have good results for everybody despite what their marketing promises. And at least half of all dating is shifting to online and the whole cultural shift sucks. This is not about women, I respect women but the shifts made things harder on both sexes.

Did anybody here notice any difference between their success in online apps vs. real life? Especially if you are within my own gender and age demographic and "league". Or some advice that helped you achieve online dating success from previously zero.



MatchboxVagabond
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31 Jul 2023, 11:39 pm

I personally had far more luck online than I did in person. But, even with getting a response to more than half the messages I sent, I only met a couple out of the many I went on a date with that were interested in more than one date.

Ultimately, I wound up going with a matchmaker that ensured that the parties that were signed up were actually invested in finding somebody rather than a cheap ego boost.



nick007
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01 Aug 2023, 11:59 pm

I've tried LOTS of dating sites(spent a lot of money on them) & I tried how I could to meet women & get dates offline but I never gotten a single date from any of that. I think a lot of that had to do with me being physically disabled on top of my autism social issues. Plus I lived in a somewhat rural area that was very intolerant towards struggling individuals demanding free handouts at the expense of the hard-working American taxpayer :roll: The only dating sites I've used where I got a bit of messages were dating sites that also had forums like Plenty Of Fish(I don't know if they still have a forum) & that was because I posted a lot on the forums. Most of the people messaging me were not interested in a relationship with me, they were just wanting to chat about things & commiserate. There were a couple women who were sorta couch surfing that woulda been interested if I had my own place. There was also one women I turned down because she was a bit older than me & had a couple preteen kids(their dad had full custody but that coulda potentially changed). I met the 3 girlfriends I've had on forums. The 1st was for a common interest & the other two were WP.


MatchboxVagabond wrote:
Ultimately, I wound up going with a matchmaker that ensured that the parties that were signed up were actually invested in finding somebody rather than a cheap ego boost.
How long ago was that & how did you go about finding a matchmaker :?: I know very little about matchmaking services. I def woulda been interested in knowing more when I was single.


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rse92
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02 Aug 2023, 8:20 am

The thing about online dating is that men who have difficulty obtaining dates in real life because they cannot demonstrate eligibility or value will have the same difficulty in online dating.



DuckHairback
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02 Aug 2023, 8:45 am

Call me cynical, but if you think about the business model of a dating app or website, there's absolutely no incentive for them to match people up with suitable long-term partners.

Much more profitable to send them on dates with people who aren't that compatible so they keep coming back to the app/website for more dates.

I'm sure people have found partners through dating sites but I doubt it's by design.


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rse92
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02 Aug 2023, 9:36 am

DuckHairback wrote:
Call me cynical, but if you think about the business model of a dating app or website, there's absolutely no incentive for them to match people up with suitable long-term partners.

Much more profitable to send them on dates with people who aren't that compatible so they keep coming back to the app/website for more dates.

I'm sure people have found partners through dating sites but I doubt it's by design.


You are cynical.



arekks
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02 Aug 2023, 10:09 am

My problem with online dating is that you have to sift through a sea of braindead people who can barely communicate and have no real interests or passions and then, perhaps, find one single person who is worth talking to at all – if they choose to reply, anyway. They're probably on the other side of the country, too.

At this point, I feel like my standards are resigned to "can she pass the Turing test".



Raleigh
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02 Aug 2023, 3:11 pm

Both myself and my immediate family members have found long term partners on dating apps.
I'm not into long texts, as you will know, and I don't do phone calls, so basically I would see who I could banter with easily, then try to arrange a date more or less immediately.
My profile was terrible. No picture and a disparaging bio, but it was humorous, I suppose, and a bit mysterious.
I'm no expert on dating, but I think being a bit 'different' isn't necessarily a bad thing.


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IsabellaLinton
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02 Aug 2023, 3:32 pm

My son found his longterm partner on Bumble. My daughter found her girlfriend online too. It wasn’t a dating site but some kind of forum or interest group. I can’t remember. Both of my kids are autistic btw.

If I were to ever date again it would have to be someone I met online since I don’t go anywhere irl. I wouldn’t use a traditional dating site though. It would need to just happen spontaneously through online friendships.


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blitzkrieg
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02 Aug 2023, 4:42 pm

If you have your *insert word for poop here* - together, as a male, then by all means use a dating website.

If you are unemployed or don't have a reasonable income, don't rent or own your own home, or own a car, are significantly disabled, or have a social disability, then beware, there are a lot of judgmental folk out there & you will likely not be successful in your dating endeavours.

Having said that, if you are in the United States, due the nature & geography of the place, you may find someone who is willing to travel to meet you as car culture is a thing over there if you meet some or all of the life success measures as mentioned above.



Muse933277
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04 Aug 2023, 11:19 pm

Raleigh wrote:
Both myself and my immediate family members have found long term partners on dating apps.



It's a lot easier to find partners on online dating sites when you're either a woman, a chad, or a gay guy.

Average looking straight men have it the worst when it comes to online dating.



IsabellaLinton
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05 Aug 2023, 2:22 am

Funny but my son and pretty much all his friends met their girlfriends online.
They're average looking straight dudes.
They're also smart, funny, and talented.
Most of them are engaged or already married now, in their late 20s.


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Rainbow_Belle
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05 Aug 2023, 3:57 am

Online dating is a waste of time. It is no effort and shows you are not trying. Most people on dating apps are losers or weirdos. Common interests and meeting people in real life is better than endless chats on dating apps.



TwilightPrincess
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05 Aug 2023, 3:58 am

^ Some members on here found their partners through online dating. Was that a waste of time?


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Rainbow_Belle
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05 Aug 2023, 4:12 am

Most members have experienced online dating to be a waste of time or a bad experience of being harassed and abused. Some members may get lucky with it.

Women get too many messages most of them rude, degrading, harassment and abuse. Men on dating sites mainly get no messages and are wasting their time. Men are forced to upgrade their accounts that makes no difference in regards to getting matches.



Mikurotoro92
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05 Aug 2023, 6:14 am

Haven't tried online dating apps yet but if Jerry doesn't work out I will try it

My friend Glenn met his wife Maureen on OK Cupid so I know online dating can be successful!