Nightmare fling

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I can't believe this is happening. I stay away from affairs of the heart because its just too nerve racking and confusing for me. I went to stay with a friend at the weekend he introduced me to his Scandinavian friend with beautiful eyes. He and another guy were laughing at us both to get together. In front of my face they said I was too unattractive for the Scandinavian. Anyway despite their bullying he did actually like me and things happened. His personality/way of life is a universe away from mine but he has the most amazing eyes that I can't forget its painful. I stupidly told things to my friend about what happend and they have been repeated to the Scandinavian, which is trully embarassing. Oh well I won't see him again and I think I need to evaluate who my friends are. In the meantime I just have to forget about this chap. My anxiety will never allow me to be close to another person.

I can relate to your feeling of 'I can't believe this is happening'. I sometimes have things happen to me... a feeling that seems out of character and I get very surprised that something could get to me.
lol sorry this ain't much help but I'm just saying I can relate to that feeling. Good luck with things anyhow. *thumbsup*

That was bad of your friends; I wouldn't have anything to do with them. Saying you are too unattractive and then talking about what you said in confidence.

I don't think you did anything to be ashamed of. So you found out you are not compatible, at least you tried.

I have great deal of trouble getting close to someone and this sort of thing doesn't help so I can relate to that. I've not managed to have a relationship yet but I am trying.

Don't fall away forever. Try and use this situation to your advantage. You can get closer to the flame just by thinking about it, without turning your back on it and running away. That is what I always did. I'm an expert in cutting people out of my life. You friends deserve to be cut out. But he doesn't. You can be his friend. If you talk to him see him there will be this heat. You need to modulate it so you slowly get closer to the fire each time giving yourself time to get used to that feeling each time. Hopefully if we do this sort of thing the fear will become less over time.

Have you thought of writing to him about this? It is outrageous but I recommend it. It is hard but good. It is a totally weird feeling when you press send/post the letter. Hard to explain.

well, I think you might be off a little on your social perception there, 0_equals_true.
the 'unattractive' remark is known as a 'neg' or 'negative' that NTs toss out to strengthen the attraction to the obviously smitten young lady. It is a social manipulation to 'tease' her and a sophisticated young lady would spot it a mile away as a "IOI "or a Indication of Interest from the admired to the admirer...

just like when NTs call each other insulting names and somehow that is to endear them to each other.

they are a strange bunch, that is true. But just trying to share what I have learned in dating and falling in love (which we have no control over ,since it is pheromones and hormonal and no one is exempt!)

Merle

That is stupid but I believe you. Why didn't they just say he is not good enough. How is a negative remark supposed to help? Unless the person has a history of being delusional

I'm a female by the way, the two people teasing were gay men and the person I like is straight, they were just being bitchy guys, cruel teasing. Thank you for all the responses it has really helped. I think I'll get over it and will learn from the mistake.

What mistake? Telling your friends?

The mistake was trusting my friends, and also it was a mistake getting close to someone, I'm just not built for it.

Yeah I also think you took the remark about your appearance the wrong way. Since you make it clear this guy was attractive, it read to me like they were gently making fun of him for being "pretty".

No they were joking about my weight too it was not endearing!

I have sex with demons. What was the issue?

The fling was not a mistake and the friends thing is a somewhat of a false lesson. You are going to end up reinforcing undesirable behaviours. Trust me you don't want to do that you will end up in a behavioural cycle that will have a life of its own and you will have to figure out how to break it, which can be hard. You only want to reinforce desirable behaviour whatever that may be. It seems to me you do want to get close to someone you just find it extremely hard to even contemplate, or begin to understand how it could work. If this is the case welcome to the club.

I'm Number 1 expert on cutting people out of my life, or keeping things to myself. It is not anything to be proud of. But it can be useful. There is no reason why it can't be used positively. I can cut people out who are real s**ts and I don't want in my life easily. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt nowadays. I used to cut everyone out, try hard not to make a habit of it. You have to be careful not to pre-empt rejection. Yep I'm a hypocrite and no better. I can keep things a secret if nobody has any reason to ask me, I don't so much hide things just not mention them. Sometimes this can be useful. Like when I had a operation I didn't tell my folks about it I just left them a note on the day I checked in. It saved them a lot of unnecessary worry for months so I have no regrets. But if it something you really do want to say and you can be crippled with fear that is bad. Maybe you do want to confide in someone at some point, who knows. I realised it is not going to help me get close to someone, if I can't 'open up'. At the same time I have to be careful not to say things in passing because of anxiety when I probably shouldn't have said so much so soon and get stuck showing an undesirable or one-dimensional side.

Calandale where does one meet a demons?

0 equals true yes you are right the fling wasn't a mistake it just opened a can of worms. The thing thats bugging me is I have'nt exactly developed a crush so much as a the usual fixation its taking over my thoughts! The friends well you reap what you sow I've set myself for a fall there because I don't set boundaries and allow people to walk all over me. Its up to me to let them know their behaviour was unacceptable. I don't see them very often as I don't live in London anymore so I'll live.

I've met some in woods and abandoned buildings,
but they weren't too amorous. Calling them to your
bed works best. I had one living in my closet for
many years. Was a bit annoying to my wife (used
to nibble on her toes and had VERY sharp teeth),
but I found it (her?) cute and playful.